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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my wedding?

41 replies

ChilliMum · 28/07/2014 12:27

I don`t want to drip feed so this might be a bit long so apologies in advance.

We live in France, my parents in a village in the peak district. We are not particularly romantic but are finding living here without being married quite complicated. We would be very happy with just us and dc at a registry office but neither of us could do that to our families.

We knew it would be a bit last minute (May) but decided to try and sort something out for the week between Christmas and New Year. I was really lucky to find a small family run hotel near my parents with availability for that week. We could have a meal and all stay over with the added bonus of needing all the rooms so would be exclusive use meaning for those of us with small children we could put them to bed if they are tired but still return to the evening.

All perfect so booked registrar. Invited our families (13 adults and 10 children) Parents visited hotel on my behalf and confirmed booked (offer of a deposit was refused as I was due to visit myself in July and they were happy to wait for me as I would have been paying the full amount).

I think you can guess where this is going. Last week I was in the UK and I called to make arrangements to visit, pay and discuss menu. After a rather odd conversation with the female proprietor who seemed to have no idea who I was, I received a return call from her husband to say very sorry but due to ill health they had been advised by the doctor not to take any large bookings and would have to cancel!!!

So back to the drawing board, I cannot get a hotel that has enough rooms to take everyone, we could do a pub meal and I can split us all up (my parents and brother can return to their own houses) and can find rooms for all family members but not necessarily in same village. I don´t want to do this as I am asking my in-laws to travel quite a distance (realistically for those with dc about 7 hours each way) just for a quick wedding, pub tea and then stuck in a hotel room all evening with their dc. I have tried to find a large cottage to rent for us all, I am quite happy to cater it myself but at this notice they are all booked up.

I thought of getting married somewhere in the middle of both our parents but as we don´t live in the UK we have to stay 8 consecutive nights in the district we are going to be married to establish residency. As we are a bit short on money we can stay with my parents but can´t afford a week staying somewhere else.

So if you have managed to make it this far, I thank you and ask wise MNers, do I cancel and revisit once I have more time (buying a house, organising mortgage, school holidays etc. I am currently bribing dc to sit quietly with ice-cream and tv so I can type this) and no pre-booked date ? Or can the collective genius of MN think of something I have not thought of??

All suggestions welcome budget around GBP2000.

OP posts:
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 12:32

Maybe you could find somewhere further afield but book a coach that would take everyone as a family to it from a common destination? sorry if that's no help. didn't want to read and run and all I could think of.

googietheegg · 28/07/2014 12:34

Get married in France and have a little drive round your relatives later in the year to have a piece of cake together. Maybe your folks can come over for the wedding for the weekend?

fluffymouse · 28/07/2014 12:36

It depends if still doing it at this time will be too stressful for you.

Postponing doesn't sound like a bad idea.

Maybe extend your search area?

Littleturkish · 28/07/2014 12:36

Where is the place you're getting married?

PM if you like and I'll help you look.

ecuse · 28/07/2014 12:37

I think you can register in your district of residence but get married in a different UK district. So don't need to limit your venue search to hotels/restaurants/cottages in your parents' district if that helps. But, no, cancel if you can't do it as you want it within budget and you have other things to occupy your attention. YWNBU.

traviata · 28/07/2014 12:40

what about a collection of cottages that lets you all stay on site, in different combinations?

then perhaps you could hire transport to get everyone to the registry office? I have seen old buses hired out for weddings, they look amazing.

eg hoseasons if you book all 3 lodges, that gives you accommodation for 16 people.

Original poster
ChilliMum · 28/07/2014 13:03

traviata, love the hoseasons idea but it will only let me book 7 nights so out of budget but I hadn´t thought of holiday parks and with so many children one would be perfect!!! So I will keep looking at this.

ecuse, I will be looking in to this also as it is possible we can get married near my in-laws just couldn't`t face 8 nights with 4 of us on an air bed in the box room - no wedding is worth that!!!

Thanks everyone, it is dp´s preference not to cancel but to just get it over with! Oooooh he´s just sooo romantic!

OP posts:
traviata · 28/07/2014 13:48

I put in 3 nights into the search box, and it came up with lots of options...including these lodges that sleep 8 people;

here

ViviPru · 28/07/2014 13:54

We would be very happy with just us and dc at a registry office but neither of us could do that to our families.

And so you've made a concerted effort not to do that. But it's fallen through and you're tying yourself in knots to try and achieve something very illusive, surely they all will see that and appreciate the fact you've tried your hardest to include them all?

Were it my close family member in your shoes, I'd be desperately keen to participate in their wedding celebrations, but given the circumstances, I'd be philosophical about the fact that they'd tried to find a way and it was becoming a real headache for them. I'd not mind at all if on reflection they decide to have a quiet low-key affair alone then we'd celebrate with then at a later date at a place and time that's convenient for them and us.

WestmorlandSausage · 28/07/2014 14:08

give us a better idea of area and where you have already tried so we don't suggest things you have already looked and lets see what we can come up with Grin

Original poster
ChilliMum · 28/07/2014 14:12

triviata, I don´t know why it didn´t work for me but I loved the idea so much I have mailed the park direct, just waiting to hear back....

ViviPru, It is very tempting right now, they would understand because they are lovely but I know they will be sad and knowing I have made them sad would be awful.

OP posts:
TerrorAustralis · 28/07/2014 14:21

Can you get married in France and have your families come to you?

BorisBaby · 28/07/2014 15:03

www.yha.org.uk rent out the whole buildings I was looking last week for somewhere to go for Christmas and they had a few properties still available. Loads of space and you could book local pubs/restaurants for meals.

SignoraStronza · 28/07/2014 15:11

Get married in France then you won't have the faff and expense of getting your marriage certificate translated into whatever formats the nightmare French bureaucracy desires. Although you'll have to prepare a 'dossier' beforehand, which, if I remember correctly, included such obligations as a gynaecological 'visit' - I never went through with it mind, nor the marriage, but do remember having to pay 40 quid for an up to date copy of my birth certificate with an something called an apostile.

Andrewofgg · 28/07/2014 15:28

I know from the experience of friends that the French could give the whole world lessons in making it complicated to get married. Don't go that way.

ICanSeeTheSun · 28/07/2014 15:37

I thought in France the only legal way to get married is in a town hall by the mayor, all other ceremony are not legally bound.

I would do the legal bits, then book a blessing for all your families to be involved in

Original poster
ChilliMum · 28/07/2014 16:46

Thanks everyone, have sent out a few emails and waiting on replies but I think if I can't find anything by the end of the week I will call it a day and maybe look for Easter next year.

I am tired as it is giving me insomnia and after lying awake for an hour this morning thought I would get up and spend an hour searching on the internet but the boiling kettle woke the children so we were watching peppa pig at 6.30 am and now we are all grumpy!

There is a lot of hoops to jump through to get married here, we did look into it one website I looked at suggested getting married in England and just having a blessing and reception in France.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
LaChatte · 28/07/2014 17:14

Getting married in France is very easy, the only cost incurred for you would be a formal translation of your birth certificates done by a "traducteur agrée" (you can get a lost of ethers from the Mairie or local Prefecture). As it's already been said upthread, it'll make things far easier for you in the long run if you plan on staying in France.

LaChatte · 28/07/2014 17:15

A lit of these, sorry.

LaChatte · 28/07/2014 17:15

List dammit.

Roseformeplease · 28/07/2014 17:19

Marriage laws might be different in Scotland. I think they are. Certainly, plenty of people come here to marry from all over the place. www.LHHScotland.com might have a big place you can rent. Not near either set of parents but might be an adventure.

Andrewofgg · 28/07/2014 17:22

LaChatte if it's got better in recent years I am glad to hear it. Not long ago it was a nightmare.

LaChatte · 28/07/2014 17:32

I got married six years ago, it was very easy! I'm British and DH is French.

Potcallingkettle · 28/07/2014 17:34

www.foxholesfarm.co.uk worth a look. Always looks stunning from the outside.

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