To wonder why some people find life such a breeze?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I dont know what is wrong with me but I have a great education but made a lot of early bloke mistakes and am struggling to establish my failing teaching career whilst bringing up dd alone. I cant getva mortgage.
Other people I know seem to have it all and find life much less of a struggle.
Im sorry for the moaning as I am genuinely greatful for the many lovely things that I have but I thibk I was far too nice in my youth and it went against me.

I think its easy to think life is a breeze for others because we never r

I was a late starter and, like you OP, made a good few bad choices in the bloke department. One in particular managed to totally fuck up the next 10 years thanks to leaving me in horrendous debt.

I eventually met my lovely DP aged 36 and we had DD when I was 6 weeks off 40.

I finally started doing a job I enjoy when I was 38 and I'm still doing it. I am the main earner and DP has just got a new job after being a SAHD for a year.

5 months ago we bought our first house. I still can't get other forms of credit though, despite earning a pretty good wage.

I would like to have money left over at the end of the month so that we can get on with doing up our (really shabby) new house. I would like to reduce my hours so I can spend more time with DD but I can't.

But I'm grateful more than I can say that my life eventually changed for the better. A lot of my friends earn far more than me but I have realised, far too late, that money isn't important (or, at least, excess money isn't important).

I sympathise. You sound a bit defeated by it all at the moment.
Of course many people have it worse than you but lots of people have it a whole lot better too

But you can never be happy if you compare your life with others. Its not always possible to count your blessings but its possible to try and ignore other's.

I have a relative who often moans how unlucky her family is. She did have a serious illness a long time ago but she got better, they live in a lovely house in a lovely part of the country, have healthy children and are both in work.

She thinks she is unlucky because she got ill, has to work and they have a fairly big mortgage.

She has a right to feel pissed off about whatever she feels pissed off about.

But it irks a bit. My DD died of the illness that this person recovered from. We have a small mortgage because we have had to pour every penny into it because OH has a degenerative illness. Our jobs are vulnerable and I am just glad to able to work.

I think she thinks we have it better than her.

OMG OP I can't even make my mind up whether or not to have a child, it makes me so anxious.

Ah posted too soon.

We never really know what struggles others may face. The happiest people I know don't have big houses, cars or fantastic careers, they are however content with what they do have. I aspire to be like that.

My life has been more difficult recently for a number of unfortunate reasons. I have to try sometimes to remember that I am still fortunate. There are many others in far worse positions. It isn't always easy though but being content with what you have and taking pleasure where you can and really enjoying the small things seems key.

I agree that Facebook and the like can make it appear that people live perfect lives. To be honest anyone looking at my FB probably thinks that but I have some golden rules and one is to not post cryptic negative statuses. Given that I don't want to share some of my bad news widely I tend to only post things which are more deep and emotional to close friends or just not at all. My friends who know me really well know if all goes quiet on FB then its a bad time. My other friends who are not so close and where I just use FB as a handy and lighthearted way to keep up with those I don't see very often probably don't even notice but I suppose it could appear to them as if I have a nice easy life.

I think if you feel your life may not be as perfect as it could be due to you being too nice then perhaps remember you have retained your integrity rather than those who have trampled over others and still never feel they have enough.

I don't think it is just a matter of luck or perspective. I think confidence, resilience and high self-esteem are the traits that help you navigate through life's inevitable lows, identify and walk away from bad situations earlier and tolerate some risk that might reap rewards.

I read somewhere that you have to remember not to compare your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlights.

That is a great expression. Summed up what I was trying to say in one sentence.

I think everyone has a 'why me'. Mine relates to my health. Someone elses could be their husband is having an affair, or their child is ill, or their parents have died. OK there could be the odd person who doesn't have one but I think theyre pretty few and far between.