To be scared of my dd starting primary school as I was bullied at school?

[namechangefeelingbad]

I was bullied from the age of 10-13 (middle school) by my 'friends' to the point of attempted suicide. Those 3 years of my life were like a jail sentence, it was so awful. I had thought I had forgotten about it but now my DD is starting school in September all the memories have come flooding back. I am so scared of her starting school in case her friends bully her like mine did to me. I know how vicious girls can be. I have of course not shown any of this to her and act very excited about her going to 'big' school. I am being totally unreasonable to feel like this aren't I? She is not me and will not have the same experiences as me. But I just can't seem to get passed the fear that she will :(

YANBU to be worried, but in all likelihood, she'll be absolutely fine. Please continue to hide your fears from her, but be aware that most teenagers experience some nastiness from their peers (most nastiness is short-lived, thankfully, not like the awful period you endured). You'll be well placed to offer support if she does encounter any bullying when she's a bit older.

I am like you op. Not as bad an experience but enough to make me fuss for dd.

My only advice is act normal and not question her too much about friends, keep things light and cheery for her.

Interested to hear what others advise...

That's good advice about to not question too much about friends, and to be light and cheery. I just have this feeling of dread in my stomach when really it should be an exciting time. I feel like I am loosing my baby to the big bad world :(

Just to clarify OP is your DD starting primary or secondary school?

Schools vary. Over time you might become aware that odd schools tolerate bullying more (they cant resolve it due to weak leadership and do lots of victim blaming, bullying becomes ingrained and part of the school culture) - while other schools have zero tolerance and excellent pastoral systems.

I was badly bullied and my kids haven't been. Their schools are very different to my old one

Might be worth asking to see the school's anti-bullying policy. Also if DD is starting in Reception, most schools now have a policy of home visits early in September before child starts school, might be worth having a chat with her new teacher to see how they would deal with it.

You know your DD better than anyone, look out for changes in behaviour and personality, and just always be ready for your DD to confide if needs be.

I know some children do get bullied at school, but for a lot of children, school is a really enjoyable experience. Try not to focus on the negatives.