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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love my in laws but....

35 replies

OhMyArsingGodInABox · 27/07/2014 14:29

They flap about things. They offered us a manky old wardrobe that had been in their spare room since 1974 to clean up and use for dd.

We said we'd have it, and then they spent the next week phoning us every single evening asking when we were coming to get it.

Dh borrowed their spare watering can a week ago (we've bought one now) and they have again been flapping asking for it back. Dh said, 'sorry, I didn't realise you needed it' and mil said 'we don't, but you've finished with it'.

They call most days and it's usually to remind us to do something, like water our grass as the suns been out (hence the offer of a watering can ) or change out eBay passwords because it was on the news or to tell us they've saved a coupon for 25p off butter for us that we need to collect from them.

They mean well and I do adore them but they are driving me batshit at the moment. It's stifling. Mil called this morning to ask dh when he's picking up the spare lawn mower blades they've found for him. We don't need them, but she thinks our grass needs a better cut.

Can we have a 'my pils drive me completely banaynay because...' thread to lighten my mood?

OP posts:
ObfusKate · 27/07/2014 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ObfusKate · 27/07/2014 14:33

This reply has been deleted

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MaryWestmacott · 27/07/2014 14:33

Oh dear. Say no to any other offers of stuff, don't borrow things from them if you really can cope without (or just go buy one yourself), say no thank you for coupon offers etc. They can then direct the flaps at someone else. You'll still get flaps, but at least you can minimise it, or accept the "cost" of any free stuff from them is a degree of flapping about it.

Original poster
OhMyArsingGodInABox · 27/07/2014 14:40

I should clarify, with the watering can, we didn't ASK for it. They flapped about our grass, and lent us a watering can so we could go out and water it every night. And then started asking for it back straight away.

OP posts:
ObfusKate · 27/07/2014 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OhMyArsingGodInABox · 27/07/2014 14:41

I didn't want the wardrobe, I wanted to buy one. But they said we should save our pennies and have this one for free.

And then went on and on and on until we came to get it.

OP posts:
ObfusKate · 27/07/2014 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryWestmacott · 27/07/2014 14:45

well then you need to get better at saying "no thank you." Or "No, I don't want to have/borrow X". smile and refuse it. You can say things like "I'd rather pick my own" or one that works on my parents (who also don't believe in spending money if there's a manky version of whatever it is somewhere in the family we could have), "thank you, but actually, my parents have already offered us their spare X, and we don't need 2." (then just go buy one)

Also try not discussing things with them. You aren't going to buy a wardrobe, you've bought one. much easier.

starfishmummy · 27/07/2014 14:50

We are off te the oils in a while. Mil will make her usual fuss because I prefer not to sit outside in an uncomfortable plastic chair whilst smothering myself in factor 50 and wearing a cardi to try to keep the sun off.

She is a sun worshipper - looks like leather - and just can't get her head round me being very fair skinned and burning/developing heat rash in about five seconds flat. And don't even go there with the hayfever...

Teddybeau1988 · 27/07/2014 14:58

DHs grandparents call on him to do bits and bobs for them. It's nice they can rely on him, but when they ask they want it done yesterday. Last Saturday they asked him to steam clean their patio. They weren't having any visitors, they just wanted it done, but it had to be done by Monday. So his first day off in a month was spent cleaning their patio. This week, as the patio was looking nice could he please go up and sort the pool out? Are they using it? No. Is anyone going to be in it this summer? No. So today his cleaning the pool.

cleanasawhistle · 27/07/2014 15:08

My MIL was like that,always pestering and getting on my nerves.
If we mentioned decorating and buying something new for the room she would go on and on about having one we could have.
I had to start being quite blunt with her,I would just say why would I chuck out my old junk and replace it with someone elses.

Mintyy · 27/07/2014 15:21

Caller id and stop answering the daily phone calls. They are interfering and infantilising. How can you stand it?

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 27/07/2014 15:40

Mine like to nag about things and worry. Every phone call involves 'have we fixed something/measured for curtains/sent off that letter/mowed the lawn etc etc. drives me barmy. It's as if we aren't trusted enough to run our own house hold. And even if we do the one thing they've been nagging about it just gets replaced with something new. I certainly don't phone up my in laws asking about their house so why they feel the need to do it I have no idea. Ignoring it doesn't get anywhere.

ChilliMum · 27/07/2014 15:46

I think we have the same in-laws!

Babycino81 · 27/07/2014 15:55

I stopped answering the phone to them so often for a variety of reasons, including some of those you describe. When I do answer now, they're more conscious not to 'go on at/criticise the shit out of me etc so it seems to have worked. It's taken 12 years and a couple of recent run ins tho!

Humansatnav · 27/07/2014 15:55

My fil buys technology he has no idea how to use - always top of the range/ most expensive. He is 82 and listens to no one.

ToriaPumpkin · 27/07/2014 15:57

Are you my BIL's wife Pobble?

At the beginning of this year MIL told us we should have some work done on our roof. DH and I had already discussed this and said to her we'd decided to get it done. Every time we saw her, which is weekly, she asked if we'd found someone to do it yet. I had a baby in April, my dad died in May and yet we still found someone to do it. There was a problem with the quote so we cancelled it and in a mongst the paperwork, funeral and endless phonecalls, emails and solicitors. meetings dealing with dad's estate the bloody roof has dropped to the bottom of the pile.

She is still calling to ask us when we're going to get it sorted.

WaitingForMe · 27/07/2014 16:00

I refuse to borrow anything from MIL. DH would pick it up on the Saturday and she'd be nagging all week to get it back despite the next Saturday being the soonest he could next drive over.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/07/2014 17:04

Stop answering the phone to these people. Tell them nothing about your lives. "You need our watering-can to do your lawn so it won't get all yellow!" " Actually, we don't care that much. Thanks for the thought though. Bye!"

CorporateRockWhore · 27/07/2014 17:08

I had been in hospital for six days having DD, during which time DH had been there with us as much as he could, nipping in to work to get bits and pieces done, etc.

His dad had a go at him the day after we came home because the grass needed cut and 'life goes on, you know.'

Was a wee bit frosty for a while...

peaz · 27/07/2014 17:18

Mine are the same. The most recent annoyance was they had asked someone they knew to come to our house to fix a problem in our bathroom. This person is local to them but an hour away from us. MIL was rather put out when DH said no thanks, we would sort it out ourselves.

We are loathed to mention anything to them cos they would then put their sticky beak in.

Original poster
OhMyArsingGodInABox · 27/07/2014 17:42

They do mean well though, I wouldn't want to be mean to them. This is more a minor quibble than anything toxic

They gave us their car a few years ago and although we were very very grateful it was a bit of a poisoned chalice as they phoned about it every day. Checking that we'd run it up and down the drive every day to keep it ticking over, that kind of thing.

They still fuss about it a bit but bit too much. They are retired and I think have to fill their days with nonsense to worry about.

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyArsingGodInABox · 27/07/2014 17:43

...a bit but NOT too much, I meant.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/07/2014 17:47

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted

I'm assuming you don't like your in-laws much then?

Arcadia · 27/07/2014 17:52

Mine have just gone after staying the weekend, They are great but annoyed me as usual...
-they can't go out to eat somewhere without complaining
-I got four photos framed of DD and said they could pick one except for one of them which I had decided to keep. Of course that was the one they wanted so they want me to get it copied etc...
-they turn up with loads of CRAP for us like broken washing up bowls (I am not kidding), old books, 'interesting' newspaper articles ... Just clutter basically, and yet bang on about decluttering!
-they took DD out for hours with no sun cream today to our allotment without saying when they would come back and they refuse to have a mobile so I had to go and get them in the end!
-they tell DD off for talking too loudly when she is excited ... Something DP does too to me and her... Drives me bonkers!

But of course they are lovely (grits teeth)