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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About relatives helping and complaining?

10 replies

Booboostoo · 27/07/2014 09:16

We live in a different country from both our families and have done for a very long time (20 plus years). This has always been a bone of contention with our families (DB lives next door to DM and DBil lives next door to DMil so we are the big exception), but has gotten a lot worse since DD arrived 3 years ago.

We do our best to go back to the home country and when we do we don't take holidays as such but spend our time seeing relatives. We go back at least twice a year and sometimes three times, taking DD over from 4mo onwards. DM comes to visit once a year but not many of the other relatives bother, e.g. DFil is retired, in good health and can afford it but hasn't come to see us because his GF doesn't like flying (a problem she managed to overcome with surprising regularity when her son was abroad though!).

So now we are in the home country for a couple of months waiting for me to give birth at the beginning of September, so here is everyone's chance to overdose on DD. What do they do? They all leave for a month's holiday! This is typical where we come from but the grandparents are all retired so could take their holidays at any time. We are on our own, in a city, in the heat, me very pregnant with a young DD - all of which is fine, she's our child, our responsibility and we are used to looking after her by ourselves but AIBU to never tolerate any more complaints and whining from the relatives about lack of contact in the future? If they can't be bothered to see her while she is next door to them then they need to make more of an effort in the future.

End of my whining. :)

OP posts:
todayisnottheday · 27/07/2014 09:19

Was their holiday booked before or after you told them you were coming?

amyhamster · 27/07/2014 09:20

The perils of living abroad
Its a choice you make at the end of the day
Just ignore their moaning & make sure you don't moan

Wantsunshine · 27/07/2014 09:25

How come you had go to your home country to give birth. Is the healthcare poor where you moved to?
May be your family think they don't need to stop what they have going on in their lives just because you decide to fly over for a while.

MagratsHair · 27/07/2014 09:26

For me it would depend on when the holiday was booked, was it before or after they knew you were coming.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/07/2014 09:29

If they booked after they knew you were coming then I'd absolutely refuse to listen to any complaints.

Lucyccfc · 27/07/2014 11:30

It's so difficult when family live on a different country. Communication really is the key, although I get sick of reminding my Dsis.

Did any of you talk about the dates you were coming home or whe people were booking holidays?

My Dsis (despite me asking) always leaves it to the last minute to let us know when she is coming home and expects us all to be here and be available on dates to suit her. I got summoned for a night out, with 24 hours notice and she had a hissy fit because I couldn't make it. (Single Mum - had no babysitter). She has suggested that we all go away for a week when she comes home next year. I said that would be great, but you need to gives us more than a weeks notice. Another load of face-pulling from her at the thought of giving us a few months notice.

Booboostoo · 27/07/2014 14:38

They knew six months in advance when we would be coming. None of their holidays required booking, they are all at their summer houses which you get to by using any of the boats that run each day.

wantsunshine yes we were not happy with the healthcare in the country we live in and prefer our home country (where we are paying for private care despite having entitlements for public health care - before anyone asks!). I don't expect them to change their lives because I am visiting but I expect them to accept the same from us. Either we all see each other as and when without moaning, or we all have the same expectations.

OP posts:
todayisnottheday · 27/07/2014 14:54

In that case no don't take any more whinging. If they say anything just look them squarely in the eye and say "you missed a full month by your choice. Do not let me hear you mention this again" then carry on as if nothing happened. They need to know it's not up for discussion any longer.

Trickydecision · 27/07/2014 15:29

The suumer houses reached by boat sound good. Couldn't you announce you are joining them and just turn up?

Booboostoo · 27/07/2014 17:08

Sadly no. Medical provisions in the islands are really rudimentary, i.e. minor medical clinic with staffing problems and in case I went into labour I'd need to be evacuated by helicopter!

OP posts:
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