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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my mum shouldn't be telling my daughter that shes one of her favorite grandchildren.

21 replies

BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 05:03

My mum has eight grandchildren andhas toldmy dd that shes one if her favourites

Surely she should me at least pretending to love n like them all the same

what woukd you do about this

OP posts:
Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 05:04

Is left my seven year old wondering who is favourite in what order etc

OP posts:
PetaPipa · 27/07/2014 05:13

How is it said? My gran used to say to me 'ooh, you're my favourite granddaughter!' Well, yes, I'm her only granddaughter! Is it something like that? Does she just mean in a slightly jokey way 'you're one of my 8 favourites!'?

steff13 · 27/07/2014 05:14

Was she just joking, or saying it in a funny way? I have three kids, and I tell one of them he/she is my favorite sometimes. Or, if one of them bugs me, I'll tell him/her that he/she is no longer my favorite. It cracks them up.

Chottie · 27/07/2014 05:20

I agree with OP. IMO no DP or GP should ever tell a DC or DGC that the are or are not their favourite. Just a mean and uncaring thing to do. Why would you do it?

steff13 · 27/07/2014 05:27

Just a mean and uncaring thing to do. Why would you do it?

Ah, you caught, me, I'm a mean, uncaring parent.

One of my kids forgets to put his or her breakfast dishes in the sink, and I say, "Oh, you were my favorite, but I had to pick up your dirty dishes, and now you're not." They laugh and say, "sorry mom." Yup, they're clearly scarred for life. Damn.

Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 05:40

My mum said it to her when I was not There

So I don't know how she said it

but I do know my dd was chuffed as dd was all like
Nannys favourite because she told me

and I asked her what nanny had said to her
dd replied that im one of her favorite children

then dd went to to start trying to figure out thre pecking order of nanniesfavourites

So dd thinks its a big compliment
I think it quite manipultive
Even ifit was just ment as a compliment

OP posts:
Delphiniumsblue · 27/07/2014 06:40

I would just say 'nanny says it to all her grandchildren- you are all her favourite children'- in a very offhand, not important way.

MammaTJ · 27/07/2014 06:52

I tell my DS he is my favourite son all the time. I tell DD2 she is my favourite 8 year old daughter. I tell DD2 she is my favourite adult daughter.

I also tell them that my favourite is the one furthest away!

I think if Granny had been pressed as to how many favourites she had, the answer would have been 8!

Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 08:43

Should I say anything to my mum?

Yes I will say that to dd if sgews says it again your all nannies favourites

just mum played favorites with us three growing up
I wasnt the fav and im used to it and fine with it
but I think it can be damaging
even to be be favourite.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2014 08:45

I would do nothing about this. It's not a big deal, unless you make it one.

goshhhhhh · 27/07/2014 08:57

I agree with arethereany. It isn't really a big deal. Each of my children are my favourites...

Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 09:01

Ok I shall take your advice and do nothing further

thanks

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Bowlersarm · 27/07/2014 09:04

How do you know she's not saying 'you're my favourite grandchild' to all her grandchildren privately?

It's the kind of thing I can imagine myself doing when I have them.

About like how I currently have a 'favourite eldest son' a "favourite middle son' etc.

It's just a term of endearment.

fledermaus · 27/07/2014 09:07

My mum says this to all her grandchildren Grin Or "you're my favourite blonde grandchild/4 year old grandchild".

Pinkrose1 · 27/07/2014 09:11

My mum tells my DD she is her favourite GC which was fine when she was the only GC. She has stopped saying now it in front of toddler DS who is amazingly jealous for a 15 month old! She just says it in private to both of them now!

Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 09:13

Because tbres two grandchildren
not my kids

that she actually doesn't like v much and they can do no right.
there definitely two at the bottom. Of her fav list

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BoffinMum · 27/07/2014 09:15

I have a rota for favourite DCs, of which I have four. I call it 'preferred child status'. To be awarded this status you need to be best at submitting to my every demand, such as helping clean and tidy, looking after younger siblings and visitors, washing cars and mowing lawns, and wearing relatively conservative clothing. Basically sucking up. Works a treat.

Deverethemuzzler · 27/07/2014 09:15

I think it depends on what your mother is like OP

If she is a fairly normal sort of person...don't say anything.

If there is a background to this and she is known to be manipulative and difficult...that is a whole different matter.

Bunbaker · 27/07/2014 09:16

You are missing the point that she said one of my favourite grandchildren. In which case each and every grandchild is one of her favourites. Just leave it.

BikeRunSki · 27/07/2014 09:16

This reminds me of a Christmas at PIL's with ds (2) and dnieces (2, 5). It was all a bit frantic, FiL was getting a bit wound up and FiL burst out "dn2 you used to be my favourite, but you are not now!". Cue hissy fit from dn1!

Original poster
BBQSteak · 27/07/2014 09:19

Bikerunski

sounds like an interesting christmas !!!

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