To think dfil should just stay in bloody hospital?

[lecce]

I know IABU but I have just had enough. Fil is awaiting a hernia and a gallstone operation. They cannot seem to get his pain meds right and he has been in agony for months waiting for these operations - I feel for him, I really, really do. One of the reasons it has taken so long is that he has had three falls while waiting for the operations to take place. They cannot operate while he has cracked/bruised ribs, so this is causing huge delays.

The thing is, each time he is taken into hospital, he is apparently asked whether he has anyone to take care of him/whether he would prefer to be at home, and he says he has someone and that, yes, he would prefer to be at home. Then he is discharged and either struggles with the pain until readmitted or actually falls over, causing a further delay. He needs to stay in hospital but each time he is given that option, he turns it down .

He has no real support network. He needs pretty much f/t care to ensure no falls etc take place and he has an ex-wife who, although happy to help is, after all divorced from him and getting on herself, as well as having a very busy life, a daughter who is severely disabled with MS and dh, who also has MS (not disabled though) and who lives 90 minutes away. I have lost count of how many times over the last few months dh has had to go to fil's at short notice. Things are very tight for us atm and it costs about £30 each time for transport, plus extra costs for eating as fil never has anything much in (I know his is understandable) etc etc. On top of this, it puts a strain on us as a family. We have had a lot to contend with lately - I won't go into it here, but fil is fully aware. I feel it is one thing after another and tonight, we were supposed to be having a night in together and a talk but, no, fil has been admitted to hospital, discharged himself, so dh is off to make sure he is fit to be at home. .

I know I am being selfish, and I can see why he doesn't want to be in hospital, but is there any chance am not being totally UR?

Well I sympathise but hospitals aren't really for somene who needs full time care.

If he's falling so much is it time he moved to a nursing home?

Of course you are not . the hospital needs to realise that your FIL is not capable of being at home and not cared for. can the GP not intervene and either help find carers or try to help this to stop as he will onviously keep on doing it... Hope he gets the op soon.

Can you contact his GP? I know they can't discuss his medical history with you but if you tell them they're worried maybe they'll get in touch and do some sort of assessment. Maybe even if not a home they can arrange for carers to pop in daily?

I've been in hospital for about six weeks and overheard dozens of these assessments. They do speak to/consult with family members as well. I think your DH or his mother needs to speak to an OT/physio/social worker when he is next in, explain the situation and make sure the concerns are included in his notes. In the meantime, yes, the GP is worth a try or district nurse if he is seeing one.

I think hospital are very unlikely to keep him in-there is too much pressure on beds.
However if he said he was finding it difficult and didn't have enough help hospital social worker would arrange carers.
If he is admitted again ask to speak to hospital social worker and tell him/her about your concerns.
Alternatively speak to GP.
Neither will share information with you but they will listen.

My mum has dementia and is frail, my dad who cares for her is even more frail. When she ends up in hospital he finds it such a strain that he'll have her home whatever, and it has previously gone terribly wrong.
I've now got it on her records that I need to be notified before her discharge for her safety - and tbf, the social worker does call me and they have kept her in the last 3 times until a care package has been put in place properly, and I've refused to have her discharged on a Friday afternoon due to issues in the past.

You do have to spell it out formally that you are not able to care for him, that he does not have any care in place, and that he is at risk on his own. Obv they can't keep him against his will, but they might find an alternative like some time in transitional care or a discharge care service if pushed, and if exactly how much he isn't coping is described.

You need to speak to the staff in hospital and tell them that he doesn't have people there to look after him.

We have had this with grandparents who just tell the physio/nurses/doctors, oh yes I'm fine, we have family to look after us, when it's not true, they just want to go home! The frustrating thing is they believe it. My Mum actually spoke to the physio and one of the doctors and told them it wasn't true and one of my grandparents got sent home with a care package, which you can get free for six weeks until you sort your own out. You can phone social services to organise carers or speak to Age UK for advice. Or speak to his GP.

In my experience hospitals just want people out to free up much needed beds. Get DH to speak to the hospital about putting it in his notes that he has NO help at home and the least he will need is a six week care package. That should give you a bit of leeway to make a case for him with GP, HV and SS.

Care for old people is terrible now, especially when many of them just wont stay in hospital - or arent allowed to. Many more community hospitals are needed for cases like your father.

Oh Lecce. I can see how frustrating this must be for you.

Could you call the hospital and let them know his situation? Ask them to put it on file?