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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think kids the local childminder gets paid for looking after should not be in my house/garden under my supervision!

53 replies

Rinkydinkypink · 25/07/2014 16:01

This is really starting to piss me off. Lovely new house big garden. Lots of local children to play with but most of them are staying at the local childminders house. She's getting paid to look after them in the holidays. I've said I'm happy for my nearly 7 year old to play at the front of the house with his friends. We live in a very quiet cul de sac and the childminder lives 2 doors down. We can both watch them all.

It seems the childminder is saying its ok for these kids to play in my house/back gardenHmm. This invariable comes with 'I'm hungry, need a wee, we want to do this etc'. I have a toddler, they leave all the doors open, run in and out. She's getting paid to look after them how can this be ok???

I feel mean saying no but fgs she's earning a wage for me doing the bloody minding.

The complicated bit is one of them is her niece who she has a lot of the time and my ds and her get on really well. With the niece seems to come all the others as well.

AIBU to feel this is wrong and actually I should be saying no?

OP posts:
Koothrapanties · 25/07/2014 16:33

If I was one of the mindee's parents, I would be livid. You could be anyone op, and she is just letting you look after these children. That's appalling and i would be having a stern word with her and speaking to the parents of the mindees if I knew them. Yanbu at all op, that's absolutely awful behaviour from the childminder. Lazy at best, negligent at worst.

YouTheCat · 25/07/2014 16:34

Send the childminder a bill for your time.

Koothrapanties · 25/07/2014 16:38

It's not the ops fault! The childminder is the one responsible for these children, not the op!

maddening · 25/07/2014 16:45

I'd say either the niece only (as she is a relativw of your neightbour) but other random dc I'd say no - take them back and challenge the woman - say as her niece is frienda with your dc that it's fine but you can't cope withall her ccharges with a toddler - or you are happy for your dc to pop round to hers....

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 25/07/2014 16:46

Lol at all you who are pointing the finger at me! Oh how great it must be to be so right all the time and never question your judgement. I long to be as great as you are!!!

As for the people who are being reasonable I had a feeling it wasn't right but as it's the first summer I've had to deal with the politics of playing out.

Ground rules will be set. I was even considering using her for my own childcare needs. That will not be happening!

OP posts:
Bettercallsaul1 · 25/07/2014 16:47

Hopefully, going holiday tomorrow will break thIs habit, OP. Start a new regime, with stricter rules, when you come back.

2rebecca · 25/07/2014 16:48

The OP let them in though. If a load of local kids wanted to play in my garden they'd be told no and sent away.
I agree that the childminder should have checked the OP was happy with kids on her property but she maybe presumed that if she wasn't then they wouldn't be let in.
It does seem unsafe for her to encourage the kids she is looking after to wander into random people they don't know's houses and gardens though as these aren't local kids but kids staying at a childminders house.
If you don't want them chuck them out as you have done. If they keep pestering you have a word with her and tell her to keep them on her own property.

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/07/2014 16:48

Sorry - "going on holiday".

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 25/07/2014 16:51

The main reason I won't be using her is the point I don't want my children in and out of houses. They stay in the place and with the person I have entrusted them with.

OP posts:
MrsKwazii · 25/07/2014 17:00

Not fair for you to have been put in the position to have to say no OP. You've done the right thing sending them home.

Picklepest · 25/07/2014 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsKwazii · 25/07/2014 17:16

Some of the responses here are quite aggressive. The OP is asking for advice, not to be harangued or called names. There's a thread in Site Stuff at the moment talking about the nasty tone that's been creeping into AIBU -worth having a look at.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a2141433-AIBU-MNHQs-thoughts-and-what-you-can-do?msgid=48502142#48502142

Chippednailvarnish · 25/07/2014 17:20

Lol at all you who are pointing the finger at me! Oh how great it must be to be so right all the time and never question your judgement. I long to be as great as you are!!!

I think the OP fits right in Mrs

MrsKwazii · 25/07/2014 17:28

The OP sounded more tongue-in-cheek to me Chipped, but appreciate that we all read things differently.

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 25/07/2014 17:38

Some people are so touchy!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/07/2014 17:44

I can see how this happened - I suspect you were caught on the hop by the original request, then found yourself with a bit of a fait accompli. If you'd had warning about what was going to happen, you might well have done it differently. Maybe some of those snarking at you have crystal balls...

MrsKwazii · 25/07/2014 17:44

Ignore it all OP, you've sorted the problem now. Like I said before, the only unreasonable thing was the CM putting you in a position where you had to say no in the first place. Bloody cheeky of her to let her mindees wander to someone else's house when she's meant to be minding them.

Koothrapanties · 25/07/2014 17:53

Good job mrsk!

Lindy2 · 25/07/2014 18:05

I'm a childminder. The children MUST be under her supervision. It is not acceptable for them to be in your back garden nor out the front without her being there too. I staywhere my mindees are at all times. Even when there is the odd moment I can't see them all such as kneeling down to do a nappy change I can still hear them. Ofsted would not be at all happy about what she is doing.

kawliga · 25/07/2014 20:17

I had a childminder like this once. She would send dd across a busy road to play at the house across the street from her. The girl at that house would take dd to another neighbour's house to play there. Knew nothing about this until dd happened to mention it to me. Tried speaking to the childminder about it but she didn't understand what I was concerned about, she thought I was suggesting that her neighbours were not trustworthy Hmm

kawliga · 25/07/2014 20:20

Same childminder would go and run her errands (shopping etc) and leave the minded dc at home with her husband for her husband to mind them.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 25/07/2014 22:02

Hi OP, I know that feeling! Not cm children, just neighbours child. Happened when we first moved into current house. Lovely big green out front, many of the children play together. When we moved here first, I had children in and out of the house as soon as I came home from work.

It took me longer than it should have to learn to send the little darlings back home as soon as it no longer suited me.
It is a very necessary skill !!

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 25/07/2014 22:05

It's interesting because I know she sends her older nephew to the park with some of the kids while she stays back with the younger ones. Specifically on very hot days.

Nephew is 16 I think. It's all sounding not so great.

OP posts:
FrankSaysNo · 25/07/2014 22:10

I would be phoning/emailing Ofsted on this.

DS has a friend who has a mother who is a CM. I came home from work to find a toddler in my house. I was very annoyed. Had that been my toddler, sent off with a couple of teenage boys to a strangers house, I can guarantee that CM wouldn't be working the following week.

Cardriver · 25/07/2014 22:36

My childminder always checks with me if she suggests that my DD could be left with her mum or son or daughter, either at home, or going to the park or walking the dog. Then I can say yes or no so parents might have consented to the park thing.

But yes she's really taking advantage if she's just sending kids over to you.