Long story, sorry if this is rambling a little, but ds is narcissist and only contacts me/my dds on her own terms and for her own ends. We have a history of on and off estrangement stretching back to our teens and are now in our forties. She has no children, I have two girls.
Ds is unstable, borderline alcoholic, and has not ever been a constant in both my dds lives (aged eight and fifteen now). The eldest especially remembers all the broken promises, visits arranged and then cancelled by ds with no notice, and our last estrangement lasted four years, which eldest dd said was fine by her!
I am now reluctantly back in touch with ds after my df died earlier this year, and she is still unstable and unpredictable. She came to eldest dds birthday meal after drinking for three hours prior to meeting us, and her idea of a relationship with me is endless texts at all hours, and she will only see me or our dm if and when it suits her, rarely in both cases. This is fine by me as it keeps her at arms length tbh.
Ds is blocked from mine and dds facebook pages but has now asked for dds mobile number to contact her directly. I am really not happy with this and nor is my dh, my dd is really not keen either. So, AIBU to not allow this, and any ideas at all how I manage it without ds going off the deep end at me, as is likely!!!