Ok NC for this, kind of sensitive topic and the amount I post it would definitely out me.
A bit of background info here - me and dc's father have been split for a few years, he was abusive, an alcoholic, on drugs and refused to work. Things got that bad that he doesn't actually know one of his children (split while pregnant and he's had no contact with them or me since.)
Dc are still toddlers, don't know their father and have never had a desire to know their father. But the past two weeks he has gotten in contact with me again. I received an email from him saying how he is clean of alcohol and drugs, he's going to counselling to deal with his anger and he's now working. He said how sorry he was for everything he had put me through, how he had no idea how to make it right but he hoped I had found some peace and happiness away from him. He said he knew it was too late for us to fix things but he needed to know if it was too late for him to have a relationship with his children.
And my first reaction was "you b***d, you put me through hell, put me in hospital, drank and smoked away their first years and you want to know them now?!? When we're finally happy and settled?!?" I might have cried a bit, might have wanted to chuck the computer out the window, might have swore blind that he'd never see his children so long as I lived. None of that I said to him though. Once I calmed down I began to think about it.
And finally I decided that if he really had changed, if he could prove he was able to be a decent dad and a decent human then who am I to say no? The children deserve a chance to know their father no matter what he had done in the past.
Eventually I emailed him back saying yes, but he had to take it slow. He's seemed keen, we've exchanged a couple of phone calls and he spoke with the children, he's being patient and understanding that I am not ready for the children to meet him yet, that I won't be ready for him to spend alone time with them for a while, that I need to trust him myself before I trust the children with him.
Except my family and friends (who know what he was like) are telling me I'm crazy, that I must have every screw loose to even consider letting him in their life and mine. I've had both friends and family threaten to turn their backs on me if I go ahead with it.
But surely if he's able to be a decent dad and make the kids happy, love them the way I do and not just in the flippant "oh, my kids I've a right to see them" way then what's the harm? Cause if he's really changed then it'll be me that's the one who deprived my dc of their father and that's not right.
So aibu or are they? Should I really give him a chance (and only one chance) or should I tell him he doesn't have a right? (I have full custody through courts btw, if that helps?)