To have employed shock tactics with DS?

[RumbleMum]

DS1 is 4.2 and we started potty training 14 months ago.

It's never been an easy journey, and we've gone backwards and forwards ever since - he'll be fine for weeks and months at a time then suddenly regress for no apparent reason.

DS starts school in September and right now he's barely getting anything in the toilet - the best we can hope for a lot of the time is a semi-accident and the rest in the toilet.

In the past, I've done the whole endless-positivity-and-star-charts-and-no-negative-comment and it simply doesn't work - there are no consequences so nothing changes. We've found the best combination is a sweet for using the loo and/or a star chart, combined with taking a favoured toy away for a day or two when things get bad - a carrot AND stick approach.

Right now NOTHING is working and it's getting worse. This evening I've lost it, thrown all his pants out, put his current star chart in the bin, sent the star chart reward (some highly desired Lego) back and said tomorrow he's wearing nappies and if he can't use the toilet then he can't go to school with his friends (which he's really excited about).

FWIW I try to make sure he has a safe and secure environment, knows he is loved and that it's unconditional. I don't think there is a medical problem as he can be dry and clean for several months, and this regression pre-dates any discussion about school so not related to that.

So AIBU to have resorted to shock tactics even though all the professional advice is against it? Feeling like a really, really crap Mum right now so please be a tiny bit gentle!

Thanks everyone for some great advice. Went commando today (DS, not me!) and only had one tiny accident today - feels like a marked change in attitude, and he also seems perfectly happy and not traumatised!

Don't know if this has come up anywhere else such as in your links, but I've been advised that obtaining old fashioned plastic pants (such as would go over cloth nappies) and cotton pants might assist. Put pants on first then plastic ones over the top. They are a lot less comfortable than nappies, especially wet but also when not, but help to minimise mess. Ideally that would be more of a reminder of consequences as he'll feel it! Could keep reinforcing that big boys don't need the plastic ones etc.

Also it might be great to have a good word with him about EVERY stage he needs to carry out when he goes - i.e. not just the wee - wipe - flush - wash sequence but 'We pull our trousers and pants down (and then up again)' etc - it helps with the timing of what you have to fit into a bathroom visit. Could make yourself a simple book to read through to reinforce it if you can bear it.

Depending on whether you think he is up to it and if it would be a positive thing, you could have a (nappy?) bin for wet stuff and try to get him to deal with changing pants himself without your help if he has a wee accident. Act bored. Just say, 'ok, go and change please'. Have a pile of pants and rubber tops available in his drawer or in the bathroom. Hopefully he will get bored of having to do it too, and/or getting no attention.

I've got a girl (who was late training) and she loved having a hand stamp afterwards rather than stickers - simple smily face stamp and a non toxic ink pad (pink in this house but choose your fave). She gets one for a wee and one on each hand for a poo. She now administers them herself!

Glad to hear you had a good day today

He sounds like my DS, he took ages to train and I actually think he was doing it for attention and didn't want to miss anything.

He had a few accidents at school, always when something exciting was happening. School seem to take it all in their stride, so try not to worry.

Interestingly looking at what Bertie said, DS has suspected ADHD and a very high IQ...