aibu about my husbands obsession with the cats?

[minidisco]

Brief back story: we have two male cats, 6 years old, neutered. We also have ds 11 (dh is step father), and dd 7months.

Dh is very attatched to the cats, and worries when they don't come back after a few hours. He won't go to bed until they are both in, sometimess not going to bed until 1am and later. We live backing onto a large meadow with stables etc, and obviously in the summer this is great for the cats.

Over the last few weeks due to the hot weather one of the cats has been staying out later and later, which my husband is getting more and more worked up about. He has a very senior position in finance, and works long hours to the detriment of family time. I completely understand this, but recently he has been having days off to search for the cat, spending all of his time worrying that the cat doesn't want to live with us anymore and getting really anxious and stressed out! Yesterday the cat stayed out all night, so dh didn't go in work and went searching for it. He found him in a neighbours garden, and tried to carry him home, but cat got spooked and ended up scratching him to pieces, resulting in him needing a tetanus Injection and anti biotics as its infected! !

That day he kept the cat inside, and as such we weren't allowed to have the doors open in case he got out. The following day cat was desperate to go out so I let him, but he again didn't come back that night. We knew he was ok though as various neighbours saw him snoozing in the shade throughout the day. Dh was absolutely out of his mind again with worry, and had me out searching in the heat with dd in her trolley. He got back from work, went out searching with the cat basket, and brought him back! So now we can't open any doors to let air in as he doesn't want cat to go out!!

This evening he has completely been vile towards me, and basically ignored dd. I can't believe how he cares so much about the cats, and is so irrationally obsessed with where they are all of the time, and whether they want to live with us, yet hasn't even shown any particular interest in dd or his ss or myself. This has been building up for months, and his behaviour is getting harder to put up with now that we have dd.

Aibu in thinking his children and myself should have priority, and that his behaviour is irrational, or am I being unreasonable?

Poor guy, this is only a manifestation of something else, he needs some help.

Do you have a spare room? If you did manage to keep the cats in a spare room for a week, every feed and litter-tray clean-out would be an opportunity for them to try and escape and being feline, mine they would try their utmost to get out, as well as wail all day and night and scrabble up any carpet and soft furnishings. (One of mine has an obsession to get into the bathroom so she waits until someone opens the door and like a bolt of greased lightning she jumps into the bath and sits under the bath-board. However, leave her there and close the bathroom door and suddenly she's Houdini reincarnated.) Perhaps he needs to go through a few days of this to see how unworkable and unreasonable it is?

All of mine that do go out have taken to spending much, much longer than usual away from home in this heatwave and I am in bits wondering if they are okay, but I know in my heart I have to let them follow their natural instincts. My dd is has ASD and she is in an awful state of defcon one heightened anxiety when 'her' cat isn't around on an evening. So far, he has eventually returned.

Could you visit your GP alone and ask about your dh's behaviour and ask what you can do?

Yes I will visit the gp alone and get some advice. We have just had a massive argument about it as I have told him how I feel, and he has completely minimised and normalised his behaviour and turned it back to me being the one at fault (which is how he normally manages arguments). I am still on mat leave so can't discuss with colleges but I seriously am not willing to carry on like this! He is so hard to help, as he is so regimented and resolute in his beliefs that he discounts all other opinions as irr

Yes I will visit the gp alone and get some advice. We have just had a massive argument about it as I have told him how I feel, and he has completely minimised and normalised his behaviour and turned it back to me being the one at fault (which is how he normally manages arguments). I am still on mat leave so can't discuss with colleges but I seriously am not willing to carry on like this! He is so hard to help, as he is so regimented and resolute in his beliefs that he discounts all other opinions as irrelevant