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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for not wanting colleagues/new friends to see scars? *possible trigger*

90 replies

FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 16:55

When I was younger and suffered a few setbacks that I don't particularly want to go in to, I self harmed. As a result one arm is pretty chewed up, especially above the elbow. Around the home I'm comfortable enough with close family that it doesn't matter, but in this heat my long sleeves are causing comment at work or socializing with newer friends that don't know history.

DP thinks I'm being silly and nobody would care or say anything, but I think it may even harm me professionally. My scars, although fading, are still quite red, raised and angry looking despite the amount of time elapsed.

WWYD? Anyone else dealt with this? Also, any nice summery fashion recommendations welcomed :)

Sorry for depressing thread. Thanks

OP posts:
MorphineDreams · 23/07/2014 16:57

I have lots of scars on my arms OP and no-one ever comments on them. Please don't feel you have to hide them. They're part of your past, and the fact they've healed shows you had a bad time but have now recovered and are getting on with your life.

You could always get some nice bangles (if that's your style) to detract from them a bit.

GretchenWiener · 23/07/2014 16:58

are you brave enough to just say to one key person " hey i have some scars on my arm from when I was a teenager, I am feeling self conscious can no one say anything"?
Maybe best jsut to get it out

phantomnamechanger · 23/07/2014 16:59

Can't you just tell them you are keeping tattoos covered as its not professional to have them on show? Or tell them its for religious reasons? Or just tell them to mind their own effing business?

Player67 · 23/07/2014 17:01

First of all Thanks

I wear long sleeves all the time and nobody ever comments

How do you think it will harm you professionally?

Original poster
FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 17:01

I did actually buy an upper arm bangle to cover the worst of them, but it is darn uncomfortable. I guess I am just really nervous of people thinking I am still ill in some way, or thinking I can't cope.

I've gone as far as elbow length sleeves at work but that has been about it for now :s

OP posts:
TalcumPowder · 23/07/2014 17:01

I have scars on my arms and very rarely wear short sleeves outside the home. If anyone remarks, I just turn the conversation. If they persist, I freeze them out. Honestly, I can't understand why someone gets so involved in someone else's failure to dress the way they think is appropriate. I actually like my light, long-sleeved blouses and linen tops, and they're no 'hotter' than something short-sleeved.

MorphineDreams · 23/07/2014 17:01

Have you tried getting any nice like floaty style tops? I have a few of those for when I had job interviews.

headlesslambrini · 23/07/2014 17:01

Can you say something like you fell off your bike when you were younger and fell into glass? They dont need to know the truth unless you want to tell them.

Original poster
FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 17:02

I also tried heavy duty make-up for a work social. Works ok in very dim light Grin

OP posts:
Player67 · 23/07/2014 17:04

Agree with Talcum you won't be any hotter in long sleeves if you choose your fabric carefully

Original poster
FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 17:05

Headless - the scars are quite...distinctive. It might deflect questions though :)

OP posts:
Katkins1 · 23/07/2014 17:05

I used to sh, most of my scars are on my legs. My arms aren't too bad. I wear whatever I feel like, I've noticed most people don't really say anything or even notice. I'm more comfortable in long sleeves anyway, but can't see why anyone would feel the need to comment/ pass judgement. Just wear what you are most comfortable in.

Original poster
FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 17:06

Also, d'aww you guys :) You make me feel a bit more normal.

OP posts:
Deftones · 23/07/2014 17:07

I have scars from self harming, not many folk ask but when they do I'm open about them and discuss it.

Nice floaty tops are excellent in this weather, choose carefully and you'll feel comfortable

exWifebeginsat40 · 23/07/2014 17:09

i'm living in a cardigan this summer because of the scars on one of my arms. people close to me are ok, but i don't like the thought of people in shops etc seeing them.

next time the subject of your long sleeves comes up at work, try saying 'this isn't for discussion' and changing the subject maybe?

MisForMumNotMaid · 23/07/2014 17:09

What about something like this under otherwise sleeveless clothes you want to wear.

CheeseToastie123 · 23/07/2014 17:10

No good fashion tips, I have no style. However, Bio-Oil rubbed into even old scars of mine really took the redness down and helped them soften. Takes a while, but worth the time imho. Plus, it's fab all over moisturiser.

smallandimperfectlyformed · 23/07/2014 17:12

I know it might sound silly, but do you think they may be worried you are a victim of DV? A close friend of mine always wore long sleeves to cover the bruises her partner was giving her.. I know that's not why you're covering up but they may be worried about you. Obviously though it's your choice as to whether to cover up or not, or even if you want to tell people. Hope that's helped somewhat.

GretchenWiener · 23/07/2014 17:25

or try and brush it off as a joke
" i have scars on my arms where i fought off a shark single handedly so please don't mention it"

hahaha, ice broken etc

Any good?

SaucyJack · 23/07/2014 17:38

YANBU.

I'm not showing mine at the moment- tho I do go through phases of being comfortable with myself or simply being too depressed to care.

Am sweating like a pig in this heat. I'm afraid I don't have any advice either- but you're definitely not alone on this one.

Maybe we should start a National Short sleeves Day. Power in numbers.

greysar · 23/07/2014 17:45

For the first few years, I wore huge amounts of bangles (most of my noticeable scars are around wrist-height) but frankly, that made me more self-conscious- I never wear jewellery normally so felt I was drawing attention more! Otherwise I just wore light but long-sleeved tops.

After a couple of years, I came to see the scars as more like a badge of honour- it was a really difficult time that I survived, and the scars are kind of proof of that. Plus they've faded a lot. So now I wear whatever I want.

In that whole 8 or so years only one person has ever asked, and that was about a fresh cut. Thanks to you OP, and to everyone else on the thread that's made me feel more normal!

Original poster
FickleUsernameChooser · 23/07/2014 18:27

Gretchen - love it :)

Saucy - national short sleeves day sounds good.

Smallandimperfect- funnily enough that's one of DP's only worries; either DV or that he'd somehow driven me to SH.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 23/07/2014 18:35

My friend tells people "I was in an unfortunate incident....it was a long time ago and it wasn't nice so I don't really talk about it." that way people think it was a traumatic accident. It WAS a traumatic period so it's only half a lie.

LastTango · 23/07/2014 18:36

Wear short sleeves and tell them you had an accident when younger?

justiceofthePeas · 23/07/2014 18:45

I no longer cover mine either. And they are unmistakeable.
Very few people ask.
If they do, and I don't want to talk about it, I say just that.

When people have had time to get used to it I may say 'I take it you have noticed. It was a long time ago, I am ok they are now just part of who I am'

People are generally a lot less judgy than you would expect.