for not wanting colleagues/new friends to see scars? *possible trigger*

[FickleUsernameChooser]

When I was younger and suffered a few setbacks that I don't particularly want to go in to, I self harmed. As a result one arm is pretty chewed up, especially above the elbow. Around the home I'm comfortable enough with close family that it doesn't matter, but in this heat my long sleeves are causing comment at work or socializing with newer friends that don't know history.

DP thinks I'm being silly and nobody would care or say anything, but I think it may even harm me professionally. My scars, although fading, are still quite red, raised and angry looking despite the amount of time elapsed.

WWYD? Anyone else dealt with this? Also, any nice summery fashion recommendations welcomed :)

Sorry for depressing thread.

[IthoughtATMwasacashpoint]

You might like to try Vichy Dermablend, covers scars, tattoos etc.

Available online from Boots.

[SaucyJack]

I don't see the point in telling people you were in an accident. They might not say anything and pretend to believe you for the sake of politeness, but they'll know perfectly well what the scars are. No accident causes lots of straight lines on your weaker arm.

[ipswichwitch]

If you are wanting to cover up would you be able to wear a floaty kimono like this sort of thing kimono
It's chiffon so nice and light for summer but comes down to at least elbow length or further.

[Shakey1500]

I second floaty sleeved tops, loads of them about this summer.

FWIW I have a very distinctive SH scar on my wrist. I used to wear a bangle etc then I couldn't be arsed. I have caught a couple of people looking quizzical but they haven't actually said anything. But as a previous poster, I kind of see it as testament to how far I've come. It also serves as a reminder that I had an extremely bad bout of depression, still have depression (thought dormant the last few years).

I do feel able to talk about it should anyone ask outright but appreciate that it's taken me a while to get here.

[owlborn]

I have lost a job in the past due to having SH scars, so I'm now super paranoid about it, and always wear long sleeves at work.

I second the recommendation for some nice light floaty tops, maybe with pretty trailing cords around the wrist so it looks like a fashion statement, or maybe three quarter length sleeves (just below the elbow) so the worst of the scars are hidden but you look a bit more seasonal?

And you are definitely not being unreasonable at all!

[imsorryiasked]

Definitely just wear sheer fabric. If you still feel uncomfortable then choose something with a strong pattern rather than plain.

[TheReluctantCountess]

I covered mine for years, but haven't deliberately covered them for about ten years. No-one has ever said anything.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

ATM - I have done of that DermaBlend stuff. I may be crap at make up but it actually doesn't seem to cover it. Also I give Dracula a run for his money in skin tone and the lightest shade is just that bit too dark.

Kimonos might be a plan. Primark tomorrow

[layla888]

Everything I own is long sleeved for this reason! No one has ever commented yet on mine but I do always worry they might. [Sad]

[mootime]

I find it amazing that people comment on your long sleeves. I always cover my arms as I hate my flab! You can dress to be cool in the heat and still cover up!
If you don't want to show your scars then simply don't. X

[May09Bump]

Have you looked at the NHS site for skin cover-up make-up, the red cross use to supply and teach you how to do it, now changing faces charity run it - www.nhs.uk/Livewell/facialdisfigurement/Pages/skin-camouflage.aspx

Also, maybe worth getting a nhs referral to a laser surgeon - they might help you even out the texture and colour.

[avocadogreen]

I have a few scars on my upper arm, mostly I can get away with covering them up but in this weather I don't bother.

In reality very few people ask. If they do I say something vague like 'oh it's an old scar from when I was younger'. Only once someone really persisted saying 'but what happened? It looks like you must have fallen on some glass, did you fall through a window... etc etc' and I had to just give him a look and say I don't want to talk about it.

Have you thought about a light shawl or cardi that you could take off but slip back on when you feel uncomfortable?

[BakeOLiteGirl]

I have hundreds and hundreds. They are really noticeable even though they are now old and white because they are raised.

I always wear long sleeves at work or school runs. Absolutely boiling in the summer.

I personally don't want to feel judged because some people do.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

A couple of years ago at a work party my boss's boss tried peeling my cardigan off because I looked so warm and sweaty. It didn't go down well.

At some point in the future I might see about getting them properly treated.

[Anonymouscowardycustard]

I've got very noticeable self harm scars on both arms. They've been there for 17 years, and I've tried most things.

I was referred to plastic surgery about them on the NHS - they said they're nothing they can do given the extent of them. I think laser treatment only suitable for one or two scars, not loads over quite a big area. I also paid to see a private plastic surgeon (just in case the NHS one was fobbing me off) but he said the same.

I was referred to the red cross for camouflage treatment but it doesn't really hide them, some of my scars are a bit raised and unfortunately make up doesn't flatten them!

Unfortunately some people do judge, or stare, or make unkind comments, or sarcastic ones.

That's just the way it is, there's a lot of nasty or ignorant people in the world. And funnily enough even people you think would know better (GPs, nurses etc)

Its easy to say - well at least you know who those people are and can avoid them. But when you work, or pick kids up from school or go anywhere where you have are forced to spend time with people you may not necessarily like on a regular basis, that's not actually true.

Also I'm quite a confident person now, obviously moved on from the self harm a very long time ago.

But I can be going about my day totally happy and then suddenly, when I'm totally not expecting it, or in the most inappropriate situation, someone comments or just asks a genuine question about my scars.

And it can totally throw me. Or embarrass me depending on the situation (business meeting, in front of my v young children etc).

And it basically reminds me of that horrible time, which I try very hard to forget about. So it can make me feel a bit upset, it can even spoil my day a little bit.

So that's why I don't show them. I usually wear long sleeves when I'm outside my house. And yes a few people have commented on the long sleeves too

[Eeyore86]

I have scars on my knee due to repeated surgery and I'm very self conscious about them, different circumstances but I do empathise with you, I always try and keep my covered following various comments about them (my exdp's family telling me they made them feel sick and are hideous did a lot for my confidence)

I got a referral to a plastic surgeon to discuss camouflage make up however discovered that my local Red Cross offers the same service and it was brilliant and might be worth a try? It doesn't get rid of them fully however makes mine much less noticeable to the point no one has commented

Failing that someone once asked me when out (only time I went out wearing a short dress) told them I had a knife fights with a monkey first thing I could think of and they got the hint to leave it.

[BabyMarmoset]

You should feel comfortable to get them out. I've worked with someone who had SH scars on get upper arms,and I never heard anyone bring them up. Tbh I thought more of her for showing them and accepting that part of her past than if I hadn't known about them...
But I'm sure that some people will have commented both to her and behind her back. Some may have thought less if her. If you take the step of showing them then you need to be able to put into perspective the 10% of arseholes compared to everyone else.
If you don't want to deal with them - then brush off their comments about your sleeves and tell them to stop being nosy. They'll prob think you have a really bad tattoo there.

[BonnieCaley]

I have tattoos on my arms that in some circumstances I will cover, I wear really lightweight shrugs that are Lycra. I got them from Amazon for only about £3 each and they do lots of different colours. Hope that helps

[daisychain01]

Poor you having someone invading your personal space, fickle. That isn't on!

Just a thought, in case you cant find anything in the shops, because of course, now we are into July, they have all the winter clothes in the shops maybe try some of the charity shops for nice floaty summer tops, or else thin white cotton is nice and fresh. They seem to have some nice things in at the moment!

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Thanks for sharing your experiences Hugs for everyone.

I think at some point I may have to start being a bit more open. Maybe small steps with sheer sleeves though. Failing that, it'll be winter soon :)

[CaulkheadUpNorth]

Sleeves at work for me. I'm on holiday this week and wearing a t shirt in public for first time in ten years.

Having spoken to people about it, I notice my scars much more than they do. One friend has said she appreciates seeing them as means I haven't cut recently and that I trust her.

[Fluffyears]

Show your arms and hold your head up. If anyone comments say ' I don't talk about it' and change the subject. I feel better now mine have faded.

[fluffydressinggown]

I have SI scars over most of my body (:() but I made a decision to not hide myself away because of something I did when I was unwell. Like it is bad enough that I SIed, I don't want it to impact on me day to day.

I have just started a new job and I have worn short sleeves and everyone has been fine, one guy asked and I just said it was something that happened ages ago.

IME people rarely comment and it is so nice not having to cover up in the sun.

[wombat22]

How rude that people feel they have a right to ask about anybody's scars I used to have a friend who SH and I was flattered she confided in me about. She had quite severe scarring on both her arms and tbh, it was pretty obvious how they had been caused. I can understand why you are reluctant to show your arms but you shouldn't be forced to cover them because of the insensitivity of other people. Good luck

[QuacksForDoughnuts]

It's nobody's business what parts of your anatomy you show (within reason - people who aren't strippers probably shouldn't have bare bottoms at work) or don't show. I'm having a similar dilemma right now - going to be meeting new colleagues in the next couple of weeks and, while my scars have largely disappeared through time and Superdrug's answer to bio-oil, I still have a few and they show up most when I have a bit of a tan. (The irony is in my case the actual job doesn't start until September, by which time I won't have a tan and long sleeves will be normal work attire for most people) I second the vote for floaty sleeves since these still let the air circulate. If your scars are mostly above your elbow, would 3/4 length sleeves do?