for not wanting colleagues/new friends to see scars? *possible trigger*

[FickleUsernameChooser]

When I was younger and suffered a few setbacks that I don't particularly want to go in to, I self harmed. As a result one arm is pretty chewed up, especially above the elbow. Around the home I'm comfortable enough with close family that it doesn't matter, but in this heat my long sleeves are causing comment at work or socializing with newer friends that don't know history.

DP thinks I'm being silly and nobody would care or say anything, but I think it may even harm me professionally. My scars, although fading, are still quite red, raised and angry looking despite the amount of time elapsed.

WWYD? Anyone else dealt with this? Also, any nice summery fashion recommendations welcomed :)

Sorry for depressing thread.

[todayisnottheday]

I'd recommend floaty sleeves and a few ready answers said with a grin to deflect people. Using make up is a good way to deal whilst they are still angry too. Gradually build up your confidence and think of some lines you'd be happy with if you do get questioned. A friend uses the "I battled a shark/croc" accompanied with a cheeky wink. Most people laugh and realise it's not something you want to talk about and also that it's not a big deal, they usually lose interest then. If you seem embarrassed or upset people seem to latch on either for gossip purposes or because they feel they can "help".

My dd has scars from sh. She started out forcing herself into short sleeves when out with friends and built up. Now she even wears them when waitressing and is comfortable deflecting comments and ignoring looks. It just takes time.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Just posting this anyone who is still interested. Benefit does something called erase paste which, while expensive, is good for us paler skinned ladies. Went to Debenhams make up section and looked sheepish until someone came over to help :)

[VSeth]

In my line of work it would be unprofessional to show a lot of arm and no one would even notice long sleeves.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

I think even if I didn't have scars, I'd still feel uncomfortable wearing strappy or sleeveless tops in the office but I am encouraged by all you ladies that are comfortable enough to not worry about showing them.

So nice to know we aren't alone in this. I'd hope that the majority of my colleagues wouldn't bat an eyelid, but at the same time back when I started I had to declare any MH issues, which I didn't because I considered myself as healthy as I could be. Due to skin tone and tissue damage, some of my scars look as though they could be only a couple of years old.

[JJXM]

I have hundreds over both wrists. My arms, hands, feet, ankles have lots too and a few on the abdomen, collarbones, breasts and thighs. There is no escaping that they are from self-harm. I cover them for job interviews but nothing else. I see them as a part of me like freckles or a beauty spot - they are intrinsic to whom I am as a person - because of both these reasons, nobody has really ever questioned me on them. Maybe it's because I'm comfortable with them that other people don't think or have the cheek to ask? But OP I appreciate that some people will judge but I've grown to realise that is a reflection on them and not on me.

[ebwy]

I used to hide mine, but now I don't. I even took a photo of them and put it on fb and talked about it there so that if any ofmy friends or their kids have the same issue they know they can talk to me about it.

But I don't have a job to worry about.

Daily (as often as you can) smothering with Vitamin E cream helped fade them out a bit.

[cakecake]

I have found this thread really interesting. I have never self harmed, but i have a friend that use to and it has opened my eyes a bit and helped me see her point of view better.

FWIW I always wear something to cover my arms just because I hate them. I would never wear a short sleeve top, always have to have a cardi or something over them. Also find it a bit of a security thing, feel a bit exposed with my arms out (strange i know) I don't really know if anyone has really said anything, but i guess because i am not really conscious about it, someone asking would not really have the same effect.

I find loose fitting cardis or kimonos are the key to arm covering in summer!

[KateSpade]

I have scars all over the bottom of both arms, they have faded a lot in the 10+ years since it happened you can still see them. I wear a short sleeves shirt for work and to be really honest, I do not care one little bit what anyone thinks. They don't bother me at all.

I've posted regarding my employers trying to force me to wear a jacket in this heat and they are being so unreasonable I've started to wonder if it's to do with my scars.

But that says more about them than it does me.

[FloozeyLoozey]

Op I'm in my 30s and have visible scars from my teens and early 20s. I used to hide them but I don't care any more. No one ever says anything. Life's too short to hide away. They're a part of your past, accept yourself and move on. You have nothing to be ashamed of and anyone who thinks you do isn't worth knowing.

[Cocolepew]

Primark has sweatshirt style tops in sheer fabric, summery colours and patterns on them. They are long sleeved and I have a couple I wear over a vest top/cami.

[elfycat]

I always cover my arms and legs and am often covered in bruises. Covering because I'm a bit overweight and they are podgy, bruises because I am the clumsiest person in existence. I wore a cardigan yesterday because I didn't want to take it off. It was sweltering!

I've seen self harm scars in work (nurse) and outside. I might look, and recognise them but I'm another one who would never judge. Even people looking with the frown of concentration (while they work out if the really are SH scars) may not be judging you.

Judgy people... well we know all about them on MN

Wear what you like. Just say that you prefer to cover up you upper arms - if you feel the need to even comment that far. Don't do excuses. If you do switch to shorter sleeves do the same if anyone questions them it seems people in you office feel the need to comment, grrrrr

I have to point out to DH that I'm an adult who can pick my own clothing. 'Will you be too hot?' 'Do you need a coat?' 'Will you be able to walk far in heels?' etc. I just comment that I wear what I like and I'll live with the consequences if I get it wrong. I don't invite discussion.

[Bardette]

I selfishly hadn't thought about how showing your scars could help other people open up. I'm glad you were able to help!

You're not selfish at all! I hadn't thought about it at all. It seems that everyone knows someone who SHs and they have loads of questions. I've never had a single negative response, a few stares maybe but I'd probably stare at me too!
It's a journey of confidence and experience. It's been 15 years since I last SH, I wear short sleeves at home and in the office, but not to some work meetings, and not if I'm meeting new people I'm not sure of (like my DHs office party, or a wedding if I don't know who I'm sitting with). Maybe one day I won't think about it at all - my choice in my own time.

[CarryOn90]

owl did you really lose a job because of scars? how awful

OP I'd definitely reccommend a kimono, New Look have some made of very light material.

[costumething]

Long sleeved linen tops are just as cool as sleeveless and ensure you don't burn when you go outside. If anyone says anything tell them you are very sensitive to sunlight and you don't want to burn on your commute or wear sticky suncream.

[TheHamsterDidIt]

At work (in mental health), there's a nurse whose arms are covered in dozens of old, healed scars. I've never heard any of my colleagues say anything about the scars. My own private thoughts are that I respect her hugely because she's presumably been through a horrendous time yet has - I hope - come through it, has achieved her nursing degree, and is just getting on with her life and her work without feeling the need to hide her arms away.

Please don't assume that everyone will judge.

[Player67]

it is an office where there is no air con and a serious overheating problem. All the guys are in short sleeved shirts and the girls in short sleeved or sleeveless blouses/tops/dresses. I seriously stand out right now

Same at my work. Floaty top is perfect. I wore several this week

[PhaedraIsMyName]

I've gone as far as elbow length sleeves at work but that has been about it for now

I wouldn't even notice. I don't think there is anything odd about wearing elbow length sleeves at work. I have several summer dresses that have bracelet length sleeves, not odd at all.

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Gilbert- I hadn't seen those before but I had wondered whether they existed, thanks :)

Bardette - I selfishly hadn't thought about how showing your scars could help other people open up. I'm glad you were able to help!

[Bardette]

I saw a plastic surgeon who said he could skin graft the whole area, it would still be scarred but less distinctively.
I decided not to go through with it and I'm so glad I didn't. I stopped wearing long sleeves all the time about 3 years ago and have had several conversations since with people who are worried about a daughter/friend/colleague who SHs. It's been great to be able to try and offer some advice and support to others now I'm in a place to do so.
Plus I've found that the scars add a certain credibility if I'm talking to teens, like I've been there so I understand.
Be proud of your scars OP they are your badge of courage and survival.

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Sorry you feel this way Fickle, it's horrible people make you feel self conscious.

Have you seen these tattoo covers for days when you'd like to wear short sleeves?

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/161291656931?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=108&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=108

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/161078055821?limghlpsr=true&hlpv=2&ops=true&viphx=1&hlpht=true&lpid=108&device=c&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ff3=1&ff11=ICEP3.0.0&ff12=67&ff13=80&ff14=108

[Star8369]

my boyfriend has scars from self harming in the past, my friends little boy saw them and asked how he got them and he told the little boy he got them from fighting a bear

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Js... that sounds amazing. I've never heard of that. I know it's pricey but I might just invest in some of that :)

[JsOtherHalf]

Have you ever tried silicon gel on the scars? I used a sheet on a scar with good results. It also comes in a tube of gel now too:
www.amazon.co.uk/Kelo-cote-Advanced-Formula-Scar-Gel/dp/B004Q1QKGW/ref=pd_sim_d_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=1DM7MFTA17NHJX449ET1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[FickleUsernameChooser]

Toizzy - a friend of mine covered his scars with tattoos. It works well although they have to have healed for a few years first. You should be able to get a consultation :)

Cardamom - it is an office where there is no air con and a serious overheating problem. All the guys are in short sleeved shirts and the girls in short sleeved or sleeveless blouses/tops/dresses. I seriously stand out right now