Firstly, DP and his ex were split long before I met him, nothing to do with me.
When I first met his kids (mid teens at the time) they were really quiet with me, made no attempt at conversation and was bordering on cold shouldering me. They're just shy DP assured me. I took his word for it.
In time, youngest started to warm up, talked to me a lot more and now we get on really well. Eldest started to become more sociable with me too and although he never initiated conversation, he would engage it if I started it.
So for a while I thought everything was ok, never going to be best mates but friendly is all I ask for.
Now, things seem to be going wayward again. For a start, eldest is refusing to come most weekends (they used to come every saturday night without fail) saying he's "tired". When he does come he's arsey with me, if I try and talk to him he barely looks at me and gives one word answers. No idea why, we've had no crossed words or anything.
Now more recently, their mum has told DP that youngest might not want to come every week as he's "tired" but doesn't want to say anything incase it upsets DP. This could just be down to their ages but it all seems to be coming at once.
Anyway to cut long story short, I think they really resent me. They used to go on holidays abroad with their parents every year and since they split the lads have not left the country as their mun won't travel and has talked them out of going with their dad saying she'll "miss them too much" if they do. Meanwhile, they see me going off on yearly holidays with their dad instead.
Thing is I'm being made to feel guilty when none of this is my fault. It's not my fault their parents split, it's not my fault their mum refuses to work so has little money, it's not my fault she won't take them abroad and it's not my fault they can't come abroad with us. Yet DP tells me stuff like "oh well, DSS2 was talking about America in the car and could we go, I said I'd speak to you about it and he said "well if Starkly doesn't want to go that means we don't get to go doesn't it." and "DS1 doesn't want to see our holiday snaps posted all over facebook when the furthest he's been is cornwall, no wonder he's upset and doesn't want to know us."
Now I'm sorry but I work full time, I work hard and I've never done anything to hurt anyone so why the hell should I feel guilty for going on holiday and for having a decent house etc? (another one of DPs comments were "the poor kids, stuck in that little terrace house whilst we're living in this big detached house." He says it in a way that implies I should feel guilty but no, why should I? I don't mean to sound cold but its not my fault their mum makes a career out of benefits. I've never said this to them of course but the problem lies with the fact that she spent her entire life living off DP and now he's gone she's back to basics. I'm not living off him, I work. So I won't feel guilty for what I have.
The latest one is that we've arranged a camping trip for the end of August. I was quite looking forward to it until I say the way DP has tried to sell it to his kids:
"I'm taking you and your brother away camping in August". No mention of me or my kids who are also part of this - because he knows full well his kids (or rather his eldest) won't want to go if he knows I'm going.
AIBU to just give up trying with them and do my own thing? including letting them do this camping thing on their own since I'm clearly not welcome? I've already started working most weekends as it's made really obvious that they'd all rather me not be around during access visits. His eldest is almost 19 btw which, IMO is too old to be pussy footed around by other adults.