Does your 4 or 5 year old take 'no' for an answer?

[Sparklingpebbles]

Seriously, I need to know as I feel ridiculously mad at dd. When I ask her to stop something or, for example, when her younger db says 'no' and wants to be left alone etc. she will just bloody continue whatever she is doing. I either have to have to shout at her for her to perhaps listen and do as she is told. Or (more often) engage 200% and use super advanced negotiation tactics with her to persuade her to do what she needs to do.

So, how about your 4/5 year old? Do they listen to you when you speak calmly to them?

P.s. I hate shouting and I hate having to get angry however it seems that dd does not respect mr nice guy nice mum.

Am I bu to think that some people just naturally have a calm assertive way about them and get their messages across without having to shout or despair? My fil for example. Everyone bloody respects hi and his authority apart from mil. His grown up children would not dare to be rude to him but he never ever shouts, he just has "the look".

I have two fiver year olds. They mostly accept no - for some reason they are worse at accepting no for now but maybe later.

I don't often have to physically stop them from doing something, it's getting them to do stuff that is harder now!

Yes. Mine are 3 and 4 years, they both listen to 'no''

At around 2 years they didn't always and so I would confiscate something if they didn't listen after being reminded once. They quickly stopped ignoring

dd2 is 4 1/2 and is going through the same.She thinks 'No' doesn't apply to her at all and if I insist she bursts into tears . I clearly remember dd1 going through this. It is a phase, promise

My 5.9yr old DS is like that. Won't take no for answer and will argue back till I am worn out. Hardly ever listens, talks over us, and tries to get his own way all the time. DH is a teacher at a "tough" secondary school and even he has trouble managing DS sometimes.
At school DS is an angel though, listens to everything the teacher says and his behaviour is immaculate.
It's just us that has to put up with this at home. We are obviously doing something wrong.

My dd 4 does not take the word no well, usually results in long spells of crying her eyes out.
I either end up raising my voice or ignoring her protests.

It definitely depends on the person as she takes the major biscuit with my dp, as he has no air of authority.

Not recently, he has definitely started pushing the boundaries! Sometimes it will be just as if he hasn't heard, so we make him repeat back to us what we have just said. Sometimes he will start negotiating which is just annoying. But it's when he argues the no that really winds me up 'mummy, you are supposed to share so it's not nice when you say I can't go on your iPad' grrrr.

JewelFairies your post gives me much neede hope. I am almost in tears over this. Dd is rather highly strung and I just feel worn out. Hopefully it's just a phase.

"It definitely depends on the person as she takes the major biscuit with my dp, as he has no air of authority."

So.... How does one acquire an air of authority then???? What is it that commands some sort of respect? Is it an assertive voice, a very stern look?when I a angry and look at dd with a 'mean' look, she does not seem particularly impressed.

My 5 year old accepts no but often asks why. My answer is generally "because I said so". Engaging in negotiation leads to all sorts of trouble and I find it better not to even consider it.

I also have "the look"

Sometimes and sometimes not. He's 6 and at times will whine and tantrum. Probably my own fault for giving in and making empty threats. Tiredness is also a massive factor.

Compared to some of the behaviour I've seen from children out and about ds is an angel.

I reckon the way to get the message across is not to shout but to mean what you say. No point threatening to cancel your daytrip if you know you're not going to do it. Also ask once and if ignored 1, 2, 3 then remove them from whatever they're doing.

I reckon you have to be consistent with a strong willed child.

does he hell he is 5 years old and thinks no is open to negotiation today i told him not to go near something (somewhere he shouldn't go anyway) because there is poison there (ant powder on the windowsill obviously he should not be going up there but he does and we have ants!) this turned into an hour long bitching session from him to me about how unfair i was being how nasty i was then he asked me again and again why he shouldn't go near the windowsill and went over there again and again ive hoovered it up the ants can pay rent

So you could say leave your brother alone, when she ignores you count to 3 if you reach the end take her by the hand and calmly say right now you will have a sit on the step/at the table/on the sofa until you can decide to listen to what I am saying.

I usually find the boredom of having to sit out is enough to make ds listen.

my dd is seven now but has always listened to me. negotiating is not an option. I don't mind a genuine query as to why but not in a challenging way.

it's hard when you are worn out but always stick to your word. my dd knows good or bad I always keep my promises. I think consistency is very important.

DS2 age 4.10 does generally stop doing something when I say no. But that doesn't stop him doing the same thing 5 minutes later

Ds is doing it to me right now and it's my own fault.

He's obsessed with Match Attax right now and I've been picking him up packs as he wants to fill his book up.

Every time I say it's the last pack I end up getting him 'just one more'. Now he thinks that there's room for negotiation of course!

I don't know what it is about the air of authority or how to get one, but I do know that DM hasn't got one and my Stepdad has. DSis and I would laugh at her if she tried to discipline us. She did all the right things, but it just didn't work! We grew out of it though. I think part of it was we knew she couldn't follow through on any punishment and when she shouted it wasn't scary or if she smacked us 'it never hurt anyway!' There was a lot of 'Wait til your dad gets home!' in our house

It's definitely a phase though, you just need to tough it out and stick to your guns. Think of some good consequences. If she bothers her brother and won't listen to warnings, she has to be put on time out/naughty step away from him, that sort of thing.

My 4 year old is exactly the same. It seems like whatever I say no about suddenly becomes absolutely irresistible to him.
Some children have difficulty processing negation. Try telling her what you want her to do not what you don't want to do. So instead of saying "Don't run off" say "I want you to hold my hand" or instead of "Don't draw on the wall" say "Only draw on paper". Also be specific, 'Stop doing that', 'Leave him alone' or (my own favourite) 'pack it in' are open to interpretation.
Of course this is almost impossible to do when they're driving you up the wall, but it might be worth a try?

Depends really, somethings they know are not negotiable. They do take no for an answer then, they let me know they don't like it, but still they do actually take note.
Other times, I can see they are just trying to figure out a loop hole, or distract me while they do said thing anyway. I think that they think something's are worth being punished for and they're prepared to go out in a blaze of glory.

Hahahaahhahahahaaaaa

Mine aren't too bad to be fair. DD1 (5.5) has hit my stubborn wall enough to know that whatever I've said no to is not going to happen and if she tries it'll be the lecture of doom. She sulks quietly.

DD2 is 3.7 and while no means not happening, I get screaming fits, sulking in her room while being loud, being told I'm not her best friend etc.

I always tell them to ask if they don't understand why I say no as there is always a reason.

Air of authority? To get it they need to know what the consequences are for ignoring/disobeying you.

If you say no, and they continue - they get a punishment. You could give them 3 times of saying 'no'. You could count to 5 for them to stop doing whatever it is they're doing. Your choice, but at the end of it if they are still doing whatever it is they shouldn't there needs to be a punishment.

Time out on the bottom step is brilliant. Away from the toys, and away from where they can see everything in my house. Confiscation of the toy for the rest of the day (followed by another day if they tantrum for overly long)

They will often tantrum over it, but they know that time out only starts when they sit there quietly so the longer they fuss, the longer time out goes for.

They understand 'no' very well now. Still don't always listen. But getting better. Damn good at stopping just after the count of 4 though!!

I like to make a point of putting my arm around my dc, when I have to say no.

I don't like having to say it and I know he certainly doesn't like to hear it but, given that it sometimes has to be done, I want us both to stay connected and to be clear that I am rejecting the request, not him.

it is so hard to be a little one and realise that sometimes mummy can't always say a magic 'yes'. Luckily, my DH and family agree and so make sure that they will always hold him if the NO word has to be uttered.

It makes for a much happier mummy and child.

Mostly, yes.

I don't think it's anything to do with our parenting though. He's just a good boy, always has been.

He refuses to take 'Because I said so' as a good reason when he asks why though

You dont negotiate for a start. You say it once. You say it again with a why/explanation and state the consequences if ignored. Then if ignored you action the consequence there and then. (later is no good, when they have forgotten the incident). Lower your voice an octave, dont get shrill. To a child negotiation is a message that you can be ignored or manipulated. You are the adult you are in charge. Consequences vary from child to child, some dont care if you confiscate a gadget but will care if you deny fave tv prog. And be consistent, if you only sometimes do this, they will gauge what mood you are in and act/ignore accordingly.

Forgot to say my ex teacher death stare is also added to lower voice and calm manner!