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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to the think it's not on to be asleep when there are other DC at your house?

54 replies

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 19:48

I genuinely don't know!

DS is seven. He has a friend (8 years old) who lives 2 houses down. It's not a busy road or anything and he doesn't have to cross any streets to get there.

He goes often to play over there and occasionally the friend and his sister (she's 4) come here, although we're renovating so they don't come in as they'd have to sidestep piles of tile, lumber etc to use the bathroom or go up to DS's room. They do come play outside though.

DS went over there this morning around 9:30 and I went to get him around 1.

I saw the mother (I don't know her well but we say hello and she's pleasant enough) and said thank you for having DS and that I hadn't meant to leave him so late.

She said "oh it's fine, no problem at all" and then added 'I got to sleep in because he kept my two busy!"

I didn't really know what to say. In the first place I had asked DS if the friend had asked his mother before DS went over there, and he'd said that it was fine.

I have been known to sleep in when DS is awake if he's watching TV or reading, and I sometimes nap if DD (14 months) is napping.

But it wouldn't occur to me yo sleep if DS's friend was over and I assume DS and his friend were somewhat responsible for the 4 year old while the mother was sleeping.

I don't think I'm really comfortable with this...AIBU?

OP posts:

NobodyLivesHere · 22/07/2014 21:23

if x's mother said he could play then presumably she was awake enough to be aware of what was going on?

Frogisatwat · 22/07/2014 21:24

I was going to ask if you are in USA owing to 'yard' and 'favor' ?

Completely off topic!!
I appreciate I may sound like a slattern but I am not. .as I said earlier I have lots of 'naps' I am partial to an afternoon one.. but I never go to sleep. Just that lovely in between bit. Always one ear open and I don't 'entertain' my neighbours children when they visit.
your best bet is to probe your son very delicately

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 21:27

I thought so Nobody. Although the friend could have just said it was okay w/o asking though...I did things like that as a kid. :)

It just took me aback is all, but the more I think about it the more U I find myself...I am within sight of the house, what did I think would happen?

Thanks for the replies! :)

OP posts:

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 21:28

Yes Frog, I am that rare thing...regular Mumsnetter who is American and has always lived in the States. :)

OP posts:

DiaDuit · 22/07/2014 21:32

Well my ds (just turned 9) has had friends sleepover ad when they got up at 8am on a sunday i didnt. I stayed in bed for about an hour, with my eyes closed but not sleeping, just enjoying not having to get up with an alarm and the nice comfort of bed. Ds2 would also have been 4 then. I dont think it was wrong of me tbh.

fedupbutfine · 22/07/2014 21:35

gosh, I must be a dreadful parent! I am a single parent and I work full time. I am knackered at weekends. My children are usually up by 6. They go downstairs, the eldest will make them breakfast (cereal with extra milk to drink) and they play on their tablets or watch TV (or both) till I come down. Usually around 8:30am. I am often very asleep, sometimes half asleep, sometimes wide awake but enjoying the peace. That extra couple of hours means the world to me and makes a difference to the rest of the week. One of my children is 4 - should I really forgo that lie-in to supervise him for those two hours? They know what they should and shouldn't touch. They know where I am and that they can disturb me for whatever reason if they want me or need me. There are working smoke alarms and the front door is locked. They could open the back door and get out into the garden if they were determined but there's a lock on the gate so they'll never get to the front and be in any danger.

Seriously? it's really an issue?

Frogisatwat · 22/07/2014 21:39

Pleased to say hello cheerful!
Its easy to say 'don't worry about it' but hopefully the replies will have given you a different perspective! Just keep an eye!
I remember many years ago being hungover after a wedding (note: my parents had them whilst I was at said wedding) my then 3 and 5 year old sat on me whilst i lay on the sofa for the entire of finding nemo and toy story.
Shh mn don't tell anyone!!

lettertoherms · 22/07/2014 21:44

As an aside, I miss the world cup flags.

I was like having a tiny ol' glory to wave at the other American mumsnetters.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 21:49

Oh, when I was pregnant with DD I was sick as a dog for most of it. DS was 5 then and he was often doing things while I was sleeping or had my head in the toilet! I don't think the mom is a bad parent at all, it just gave me pause as I (a prolific napper, to boot :o) wouldn't sleep when other DC were over. A sleepover, I suppose I would Dia.

DS just turned 7 a few days ago and I suppose it's odd to me that he isn't a really little boy either anymore. :)

Hello Frog!

OP posts:

Frogisatwat · 22/07/2014 22:00

I haven't 'met' any native American mumsnetters! I am Welsh btw! I will probably kill thread at this point!!

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 22:12

Kill away, I've accepted my unreasonableness :o

I only knew one person who was Welsh! The company DH works for has a lot of overseas sales representatives and this man was the rep for the UK. I was really fond of him but he was fired for some sort of shady dealings.

I did like him a lot though...he was amazed at my being able to pick up that he was Welsh from his accent. I guess he hadn't met any other ardent Torchwood fans in America!

OP posts:

Pastperfect · 22/07/2014 22:24

I have a 3 year old. I do not insist she wakes me when she wakes although she mostly does I bury my head under the pillow and expect the older kids to sort her out if for some reason she finds herself incapable of raiding the cupboards

I always assumed this was fairly normal?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 22/07/2014 22:30

FWIW CY, I'm an American that originated in America but moved over here to the UK over 10 years ago. I have to correct myself regularly when speaking to family or friends in the states when saying "garden" to yard, and a few other terms.

Cardriver · 22/07/2014 22:56

My neighbours DD came to play with my DD, both 7, a few months ago and I stayed in bed. I've got fibromyalgia and my electric blanket helps with the pain. I dosed a bit but was mumsnetting most of the time. It was only when I put my dressing gown on to answer the door to my neighbour that I felt a bit

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 23:12

I'm just sending them home now at a little after 5 so those who were worried I was taking advantage of the mum can rest easy :o

OP posts:

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 22/07/2014 23:22

Alice after a few years on Mumsnet I do the same even though I've never been out of the US really. I tend to type things I don't say...hence me just realizing I switched back and forth between mum and mom in my OP. :o

OP posts:

Morloth · 22/07/2014 23:59

Depends on what she meant by 'asleep'.

I have been known to kip on the lounge while the kids entertain themselves, but I am not properly asleep, just kind of floating in and out.

In bed/upstairs, properly deeply asleep? YANBU.

Not having to watch them all the time is the best bit of no more toddlers/babies!

DS1 is out and about with his mates these days, good for him, good for me good for everyone.

Llareggub · 23/07/2014 00:12

For a minute I thought this thread was about me until I realised you are actually in the US.

My neighbour has an 8 year old boy and he has been in my house pretty much constantly since Friday evening. I have fed him twice, taken him to the beach and kept him watered. I am a lone parent with a 7 and 5 year old and don't really mind the extra child but don't see why I can't crack on with what I am doing while he is here.

I do dose occasionally. I am usually knackered.

BackforGood · 23/07/2014 00:20

I'd be more concerned if the 4 and 8 yr old were opening the door, letting themselves outside to play, letting other people into the house, with the mother fast asleep and knowing nothing of it, but as he asked her, and having read further, I get the impression she was perhaps just reading or dozing or enjoying that delicious 20mins of just lying there when you don't need to be up and out, or even just having a bit of a PJ morning, and was fully aware of the fact they'd opened the door and let your ds in, in which case I wouldn't worry.

Morloth · 23/07/2014 00:24

My house always seems to have extras in it these days, now they are 10(ish) they all pretty much come and go as they please.

The back door is kept unlocked and my 4 year old knows he isn't to leave the house/yard.

His brother lets me know when they are moving on to eat someone elses' food.

Original poster

CheerfulYank · 23/07/2014 03:08

It is one of the nice bits about living on a quiet street with trustworthy neighbors, I must say...just letting the kids run around :)

OP posts:

Morloth · 23/07/2014 03:16

Yup, I live in Dullsville, boring for me, but great for them!

DS1 still hasn't figured out that parents talk to each other.

He wonders how I know when he has been goofing off when I am not there.

Thumbwitch · 23/07/2014 03:28

I think a lot depends on the 4yo - if she's an easy child, well behaved, does what she's told and is unlikely to get into trouble then possibly YAB a bit U. But you said she has no boundaries, and she's being effectively childminded by her not-that-much-older brother and his friend - what are they supposed to do if she gets into trouble? If it was just the 2 boys, again YWB a bit U - but it's not. They're being put in a position of responsibility for an unboundaried 4yo, and because of that, YANBU.

Kytti · 23/07/2014 03:30

Are you for real? Stressing because a Mum lay in bed a bit longer while HER FOUR-YEAR-OLD played in her own house?

YABVU

I think you sound a bit over-strung tbh. So what? It's not even your child. I'm sure she knows where her mother is if she wants her. Crikey.

Ilovenewts · 23/07/2014 06:19

It doesn't sound like she was asleep asleep if he asked if his friend could come and play ?

Besides it's her house and her four year old.

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