To ban ds from his xbox on his birthday?

[breadhead]

It's his 11th birthday today. We've been saying the last week he can only play on Fifa on the xbox if there are no behaviour issues the previous day. Yesterday he called his brother a 'fucking wimp' and opened a present of chocolates under our bed without asking which were for him but he didn't know that (dont care too much about this one but he still shouldn't have done it)

He looooves fifa and hasn't been on it a for a few day due to other behaviour, but i feel mi should stick to my guns irrespective of the fact it's his birthday.

Both children say i am being too 'harsh'.

Am i ?

You've said it, so stick to it........he will only perceive a weakness if you give in and will play on that in future.

Yes, i feel happy about sticking to what i said. Also, a letter of apology is a good idea to both his brother and me, plus earning it back.

Have you bought him sackcloth and ashes to wear also?

If you keep piling on the punishments, what exactly will you do when he does something far worse than swear?
And if his brother thinks you are being harsh, do you think he might have been provoking?

I think you need to look at what you are trying to achieve here.

I think you need to be aware of what guns you are settingup tbh.
It's normal for brothers to call each other such names, mine have always done it. Now, they are grown up and call each other suchnames as affection.
They aren't louts, they don't swear in front of gps or their employers etc. They know there's a time and place.
Your ds doesn't know this yet and needs to learn.
Maybe teach through educating rather than punishment. at his birthday.

Just had to come on to say he doesn't sound vile at all. He sounds like a child who has made two wrong choices.

Whoever said that a child is vile is clearly vile themselves.

Anyway I'd have given the opportunity to earn the right back seeing as it is his birthday.

Of course he isn't vile! I would make him write a letter to his brother but, as it is his birthday, I would allow an hour on the xbox today and none tomorrow then start again with a clean slate. It is interesting that even his brother thinks it is a bit mean?
Birthdays are a bit special and a good parent can be flexible without appearing inconsistent if you explain .

I always wonder what the value is of a letter or verbal apology, that someone has been told or forced to give.
Personally I have no interest in anything less than a sincere apology.
I teach my kids that an apology is polite and appreciated, but I don't want to hear it unless they actually mean it. The punishment will be the same regardless of apology.

What fantastic and diverse answers. For everyone's information, he ended up having a fantastic birthday - without Xbox. We had a day out, he watched a film when he got back and behaviour since then has been fine. He's not generally badly behaved (yes - absolutely not vile) just has 'occasional testing phases'. But in retrospect I am glad I stuck to what we agreed. Respectful speaking to each other and honesty is more important than xbox on birthdays imo. And actually, I get the feeling he's glad I stuck to what we agreed as knows exactly where we stand.

Yes, i feel happy about sticking to what i said. Also, a letter of apology is a good idea to both his brother and me, plus earning it back.Have you bought him sackcloth and ashes to wear also?

ha ha - yes I quite agree I was a bit overboard on writing that one! I was still cross and not sure what to do. Anyway, I didn't go overboard, he just apologised to his brother (and he sounded like he meant it) and didn't have xbox on that day. Tough stuff but it's all good learning for us both actually. The big incidents almost seem to be an opportunity to solidify relationships, if dealt with sensibly. Who knows if I made the right choice, but I appreciated the other opinions. Thanks :)