AIBU to think ex husband is irresponsible and selfish

[statementtotheedge]

We separated 4 years ago so I am over that and do feel my irritation is based on the impact of his actions on my boys.

Our children are now 6 and 7. DS1 has aspergers and does not cope well with change.

Everything ex h does appears to be based on his own wishes and not the best interests of the boys. He has introduced a few girlfriends to them, then moved in with one within a few weeks of starting to date her a couple of years ago. 7 weeks ago she moved out, which he hadn't prepared the boys for at all. It may have been totally unplanned - I don't know and essentially don't wish to or need to know.

However, the selfish arse has now already moved in his next victim and her 10 year old son. The boys had met them once - 2 weeks earlier. I knew he would and imagine him not wanting to be single will be linked to financial and dog / puppy care reasons.

It is so unsettling for both boys. What's the blinking rush. Why not put the kids needs first and do things slowly.

He sees the boys a limited amount but has chosen not to attend any of DS1's medical appointments for the last 3 years etc.

I'm having a rant here. But I just don't get it. I have dated 3 people - one for 6 months. But didn't introduce any to the boys.

Yeah, it does sound like he's not thinking about the consequences of his actions affected your DS. Have you actually spoken to him about it? Perhaps he genuinely doesn't realise that it is affecting the DC.

yes he is being selfish

i can not believe he is stupid enough to think this would not have an impact on his sons if he thought about it, sadly i get the impression he does not do a lot of thinking where his sons are concerned

Thank you for the comments. Ex h makes out I am unreasonable.

As soon as his ex girlfriend moved out, I explained the impact on the boys of changes and asked him not to introduce anyone else in a hurry. I knew I was wasting my time really. He didn't respond.

Out of the blue,my DS commented several years ago (perhaps 7 years after I had left his father, so he would have been about 11) that "Dad has been with 6 ladies since you split up, and you just have DP - and Dad calls you unstable?"

Sadly, XH never hesitated to have the "treat of the week" at the house when DS visited. Clearly, DS noticed.

Out of the mouths of babes...

Well, at least you know why he's your ex.

On one hand you can't expect him to just put his life on hold because it might upset the boys. Kids learn to adapt easier than adults. But, you can expect him to be more sensitive about it and prepare the boys ahead of time instead of just springing change on them like this.

His children will eventually see it for what it is.

My aunt and uncle split up and for a while, his children thought my aunt was the reason they split up because she didn't give him a second chance after he had an affair. But as they got older, they saw the situation for what it was.

He's only hurting himself. If this is the life he wants, that's fine, but his boys will get to an age where they stop seeing it as "normal" and start losing respect for him.

I certainly do always remember why he is my ex!!!

I don't necessarily think children do adapt more easily to change than adults, certainly not DS1. DS2 can't recall us being a couple but has asked lots of questions about our divorce since the previous girlfriend moved out, and seems a little unsettled too.