To stay with my DH until DS finishes cancer treatment?

[Neenerneener]

Things have not been good between me and DH since I became pregnant with DS1. His behaviour changed to him being extremely possessive and controlling, and he has physically prevented me from leaving the house, etc. on several occasions. I suffered PND after DS1 and DH used this as an excuse to belittle me and my parental abilities, running me down and talking my friends and family down until I had no one left in my life. He manipulated me into having DS2 by promising he would change but if anything, he got worse. I was very poorly after having DS2 and he never helped me. His aggression got worse, falling out with neighbours, friends, getting into arguments with people wherever he went, and being increasingly confrontational with me, and shouty with our boys. I'd finally had enough and was making plans to leave when DS1 was diagnosed with leukaemia. His treatment will take three years. DH is devastated, but has so far all but abandoned me to look after DS1 in hospital because he 'can't cope'. AIBU to put off my plans to leave until treatment has finished? I don't want to be alone through all this, but also don't know if I can cope with DH's behaviour any longer - especially right now...

When you say it's all in his name, do you mean the house too?

Because if you are married, then that doesn't mean anything. Especially if you file for divorce citing financial abuse.

My suggestion would be this - could you meet with your family, and talk to them, open up about what has been happening and his influence on your relationship with them? Your posts so far indicate that they would be the kind of people who would be supportive, but you feel too separated from them to be able to access that support in good conscience. If that's the case - TELL THEM. Tell them what's been happening, ask for help.

And take it from there. It sounds - as others have said - that you would be far better off away from him NOW, and that you'd be able to be a stronger better carer for your DS. That's without going into all the issues of your poor DSs having such a horrible father and the abuse you've suffered. So, if you will have support the other side - yes, leave leave leave him now.

One thing - do not consider for one minute what he might want. He sounds an absolute shit who has taken quite enough from all of you.

You are married. It is all half yours.

You are married. A solicitor will tell you that he cannot keep everything for himself in the event of divorce. Who told you this...him ? Seek legal advice because knowledge is power.

All the best wishes to your son x

No advice, I'm sorry - just wanted to send my best wishes for your boy… x

OP, how are you?

I think going to a solicitor is a good idea - looking at the mechanics of leaving will perhaps give you a sense of what it is you want to do. And as others have said, the law can often intervene to prevent financial abuse. You may well be entitled to more than you think. Get some paperwork together - copies of house deeds, mortgage, anything you can find relating to bank accounts, his payslips, yours - and go and see someone who will tell you where you stand.

Your husband has already removed himself from being a father and now is removing you from being the mother you once were. Think back to how you were before he starting acting like this and compare this to how you are now. From reading your post I think that what you will be seeing will be no comparison.

Take your children and leave, give them one loving and caring parent rather than an emotionally and physical abusive one and one who is a shell of her former self.

You will learn to love yourself again and in the long run they will thank you for it.

I am so sorry about your sons diagnosis, sending you all of my love.