Reworking popular television programmes.

[TalcAndTurnips]

I am working currently on an idea for a Deal or No Deal upgrade called Oh For Fuck's Sake Just Open The Bloody Box And Stop It With All The Sentiment And Superstition And Shove That Fecking System That You Thought Of Based On Your Grandchildren's Birthdays Written On A Piece Of Envelope Up Where The Sun Doesn't Shine.

There would be no floral shirts, cowboy boots an bouffant middle-aged hairdos allowed. It would last around five minutes and would consist of people standing in a semi-circle in dead silence opening their boxes one by one with an automatic offer generator flickering in the corner.

When an offer was finally accepted, some old cove in Farah slacks would wander on and chuck an envelope with the appropriate winnings at the contestant. Cue adverts.

Have MNers got any ideas for similar programme improvements?

A modern version of Top of The Pops where the presenters don't interfere with the studio audience?

Match of the Day with no football?

All-nude Emmerdale?

Oh Bums alive - I thought I was in _Chat.

Now I'm going to be killed.

I have re-posted in _Chat so you can stop sharpening that stick with which to poke me up the jacksie.

And sorry.

And your AIBU is...?

How about Strictly Come Dancing without the dancing.

Basically a jizzfest.

FWIW, you are NOT being unreasonable OP - and I, for one, would watch it!

I think I caught an edition of Deal or No Deal in the States once. It was pretty much as you described. No chit chat. Open the boxes in half an hour interspersed with several ad breaks. Probably took no longer than ten minutes in total.

I would like Dragon's Den with real dragons. On emerging from the lift, the entrepreneurs would have to dodge the flames before making their initial presentation.

In the meantime, Peter Jones and Deborah Meaden might get their knees singed.

Mards I did explain that I had somehow wandered into AIBU. I can't believe my arse is still intact.

I like the Dragons idea. It's a Knockout could also take on an interesting and literal new incarnation.

Masterchef - now there's a format ripe for reworking. I would call it BROWN NOISE - Chubby Bald Bloke Troughs Some Samphire Foam with Venison Smear And Leers - BROWN NOISE

What about Embarrassing Bodies.

Someone is in shadow, and an actors voice says "Um I've got a big boil on my arse/ a willy that looks like a brussels sprout / tits that hang to my knees"

The presenter says "Look we don't want to humiliate you any further. Here's a doctor you can see in confidence. Let us know at the end of the show if you feel any better."

Balloon - that's no fun. I enjoy the genitalia shaped like vegetables.

Blimey. I'm servicing this thread in two places now. I've taken on too much.

I didn't realise you'd restarted it in Chat.

HERE'S A LINK TO THE CHAT VERSION FOR ANY LURKERS:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a2139036-Reworking-of-popular-television-programmes#48422453

Mardy - you are a diamond geezer. I would never have thought to do that.