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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

What is reasonable here?

14 replies

winkywinkola · 20/07/2014 21:22

At the end of August, we are having a small party with ten families.

I invited people via text, email or face to face, depending on how frequently I see them.

One friend I invited by text said thank you for the invitation but could she let me know?

Does that mean in case something better comes up?

I usually would think nothing of it but this particular friend has been rather distant recently. I had her over for lunch to try and reconnect as it were and all seemed fine.

Since then I've heard nothing from her. Six weeks ago.

So, wrt the invite to our bash, surely one could know a month in advance if she can come or not?

I feel a bit slighted/disrespected tbh given her creating distance and her being non committal wrt my invitation.

OP posts:

funnyface31 · 20/07/2014 21:24

Is she the kind of person you could ask if anything was wrong?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 20/07/2014 21:25

If she really wanted to come, she would have said so by now I reckon...

Loletta · 20/07/2014 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jinglebells99 · 20/07/2014 21:27

I think the end of August is quite far off for me to be committing to a party because my dh has only just taken some time off then and we haven't confirmed our holiday so if you had asked me, I would have said I would have to let you know as I wasn't sure if I'd be away. I accept other people may be more organised.

Frogisatwat · 20/07/2014 21:30

I am hoping to take a break at the end of august. It depends on finances and work so if someone asked me to an event I would be a bit flaky too. But I would have the manners to explain. .

Flywheel · 20/07/2014 21:32

If someone invited me to a party over the summer holidays 10 weeks in advance I probably would have said similar. We do lots of trips to visit relatives over the holidays, most of them organised a couple of weeks in advance, if that.

Frogisatwat · 20/07/2014 21:32

And I would take a holiday over a party so something better would come up! But again I would explain and my friends would understand!

Original poster

winkywinkola · 20/07/2014 21:32

I think she really doesn't care about the friendship actually despite my efforts.

Never mind.

OP posts:

wtffgs · 20/07/2014 21:37

I would accept or decline. "Can I let you know is code for "you are not that important to me" or "my partner is in control of our social life". Neither is great #bitterexperience

steppemum · 20/07/2014 21:40

well, as end of august is at the end of the summer holidays, which haven't started yet, and I haven't got a clue what we are doing, I would be unable to tell you.

We will, for example go away, probably for last 2 week sin aug, but not booked yet. If we go, couldn't come to the party, if we don't go, we could.

Not everyone is as organised as you.

DoJo · 20/07/2014 21:55

I don't think it's fair to assume that anyone who cannot respond immediately is waiting to see if they get a better offer - they might have tentative plans with someone else, have made arrangements that they might be able to juggle to fit something else in, have a plan in mind but aren't yet sure whether it will work out or, in my case, be self employed and not sure about their workload for that period.

If you feel that she's not that bothered, then you can address that or not as you choose, but I wouldn't take a lack of acceptance for an event which is over a month away as a sure sign that she isn't bothered.

CrohnicallyDepressed · 20/07/2014 22:17

There could be genuine reasons for her wanting to let you know later.

I am supposed to be moving house soon- so I have said this to a few invitations as it really depends on what stage of moving we are at (don't worry, none of them were a party at the end of August!)

She could be struggling with her health but not want to tell anybody- or be in the early stages of pregnancy.

Or she could just be disorganised!

Original poster

winkywinkola · 20/07/2014 23:21

She's organised to the point of knowing what she's doing 6 months in advance. She has to be because of the nature of her job. She's far more organised than me! I know she's planned her holidays since last year.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 20/07/2014 23:40

It might be she's already committed to something else, which the detail hasn't been finalised yet - she'd like to come to yours as well, but can't say for certain until the details are finalised for the other thing.

For example - when my friend wanted me to be Godmother to her dd, she first got the dates the vicar could do, then asked all 3 GodParents, all 4 Grandparents, and 2 siblings (Aunts and Uncles). Then had to co-ordinate all the answers and decide. So, if I'd say I could do any of those 3 dates and was waiting to hear back which one it was going to be, I then wouldn't accept an invitation for another event on any of the dates until I knew for certain I was free.

Or, I know the dates I've booked my holiday for, but if the weather is nice, and my Uncle is well, we'll call in there for a couple of days on the way back - we won't if it's rainy or if he's ill, but won't know until the time.

I guess she presumes, if it's a party, it's not going to make a huge difference to you / to numbers if they can or can't come - it's not going to change the nature of the event.

Flip