to be feeling fed up but be considering quitting marriage, self employment or both.

[wiifitaddict1]

So dh has a very well paid job. In theory plenty to support our family of 5. 3 boys 9, 7 and nearly 2. I am self employed (body shop style business). My work is fairly erratic due to finding it hard to devout the time whilst doing virtually all the childcare, housework, laundry etc for 5. Howver, this week was a good week work wise. I had two events netting maybe £120 profit. I have managed to sort out a big order whilst caring for dc on Friday. I also worked today but again did prep around childcare. So on Friday evening I got homs from swimming lessons as dh returned from work. He sat on his arse as he was soooo tired whilst I cooked, tea, did washing up and prepared stock for today. I also was up with dc this morning and cared for them whilst loading car.
Tbh he did look after dc whilst I was physically working and did washing up tonight (1st time in 2 weeks) but I can't help feeling resentful. He works Monday to Friday but on the days he works I fully deal with dc. However, when I work I have to fit it round everything else.
He also had a whinge about us spending too much and having to ecomise. (Moaned about spending too much on food) . Yet in the last month he had spent£100 on treats for him and dc and probably £40 on branded clothing. Yet I am in the wrong for buying rolls when we still have 2 left!
I really feel like getting a traditional job, sorting out childminder for youngest and telling him that he has to do 50% everything
Aibu

You need to have a good discussion with him about the role of your self-employed work. Does he see it as something nice, to keep you from getting bored and earning a bit of pin money?

If so, how do you see it?

If you want to make a career out of it, you can't fit it in around full-time childcare, you need to establish reliable childcare and ensure you can make the business earn enough to pay for it.

I'm self-employed, but very lucky to have reliable childcare, which means I almost never have to cancel appointments etc (I cancelled 1 in the past year, which was nothing to do with not being able to get childcare).

It sounds like your dh doesn't take your work seriously and that is something you need to discuss because it implies a lack of respect. If however, you also see your role as something which is a nice addition to his salary, but not a serious job, it will be difficult to get him to think seriously about it either.

Thank you for your reply. Really shouldn't post late at night. I do want to develop the business more but hate having to pay for childcare as it affects profit margin.
Maybe I do need to take it more seriously.

The other issue is that even if I devouted 35 hours per week to it dh would probably still not value it as much as his highly paid career. When I last discussed maybe working nights he wasn't keen and he was worried I might not make it home to take over dc on time and his job pays the mortgage etc etc.

It sounds like you need to set aside a certain number of hours per week which are your set working hours, just like you would with an "employed" job. During these hours, he needs to pick up the slack for jobs around the house and you need an area to work in where you won't be disturbed because you are "at work".

If you want to make your job work, you need to ensure the same systems are in place as they would be if you had a traditional type job - either set aside a certain amount of earnings for a childminder, or agree with him that he will do all the childcare for a set number of hours per week. Sometimes I think having a childminder in place can help to focus attention onto work because you have a set amount of time which needs to be productive.

Try posting on the "Freelancers" board, I'm sure there are lots of people who will be able to give advice as to how they arrange things.