AIBVU to still have the Birthday Bah Humbugs

[Fern123]

Ok firstly I've seen loads of this type of thread since I've joined MN but this is really fecking me off and I can't stop being a dick about it!!!

If historically you and your DH have always spent the same amount as each other at Christmas and birthdays (e.g. You spend £20 for his present, he spends £20 for yours), would you be pissed off if this didn't happen when yours rolled around?!

Without going into too much detail DH and I have living through some trying circumstances for the last year, and it's likely to go on for another year at least. Don't get me wrong, nothing life threatening but things are going to be 'difficult' (not financially) for a while.

For his birthday earlier this year I spent £300 on a break away for us both and he has bought me A £60 necklace, basically under my instruction Ashe badgered me into giving him direction.

Argh posted too soon!!! Sorry didn't have achanceto edit so that was mostly babble!

It's only a problem if you think the amount of money is linked to how much you love each other.

Were you happy to shell out £300 on a break away?

Were you happy to get a £60 necklace (£60?? ) you love?

Or is this just an example of how other areas of your life are?

If it's just this on its own and he's a lovely, caring, thoughtful person the rest of the time, YABU.

I know I know, but yeah I do think its a reflection of how much he appreciates what I do etc...I'm a dick aren't I.

I wouldn't ever say this to him btw, but it is irritating me so I had to say it to somewhere.

And yeah I was happy to spend the money on his present cos I felt he deserved it, so does he think I don't deserve the equivalent?
This is what's annoying me.
And the fact that this is annoying me, is annoying me.

But you didn't spend £300 on him for a weekend awY, you spent £150 on him and £150 on yourself. Presumeably you went with him. So that narrows it down a bit.

True...I know I am BU but this change in arrangement has really thrown me, and it's not to do with monetary value really.
I just feel under appreciated in general and the bday present didn't help counteract that. I thought he would use the opportunity of my day to give me a bit of a treat, as I felt I did for him.
I shouldn't have put the actual amounts spent in my OP, I suppose, it was a bit unnecessary.

'so does he think I don't deserve the equivalent?'

He thought you deserved something he could guarantee you'd love.

If it just came down to the amount of cash spent that'd mean you'd have been happy with a £300 set of golf clubs, even though you loathe golf (at a guess ).

Just tell him you're feeling unappreciated! Before telling him the kinds of things which could help make you feel better and you can reconnect as a couple , and that he has to do it unpromted from thereon in or it doesn't count.

I think YABU...too many people focus on the price of a present rather than the present itself. Why does it matter if you've spent so much more on something than your partner - its meant to be the thought that counts.

It's also (in my opinion) stupid to equate appreciation to amount of money spent on you.

At the end of the day, he's bought you something that you'd love rather than spending £300 on something that you might not like.

If, as you say in your last post, you feel unappreciated in general then talk to him about it. He may not know you feel unappreciated.

A little YANBU. He's at fault if you have finished your bday feeling unloved and unappreciated.

But I do agree that a weekend away was for you both, and you are slightly winning with the necklace as it's just for you...