To expect ex to enquire after our baby daughter daily?

[Jolleigh]

I'm not causing an argument over it or anything. I just find it really sad.

I left him when she was 6 weeks (apparently he thought it'd be a brilliant idea to have a cocaine fuelled threesome with me and his ex in the middle of the day while caring for our new born. This put the bitter cherry on top of an abusive relationship.) She's 15 weeks now and I take her to meet him once a week in a neutral place. She doesn't recognise him because this only started 3 weeks after I left him. He says he cares. He says he loves her. And yet he claims that some days he's too busy to even ask how she is. I know I couldn't go a day away from her without checking how she is. To his excuse of being too busy with work, I've previously replied "I'm not going to get into it with you. All I'll say is that it looks bad. If you have time to use the toilet, you have time to send a text message".

AIBU and seeing this through idealist mum-goggles?

You'll be able to restrict contact and the court will support supervised contact (initially- progressing to unsupervised if it goes well) if he is deemed to be a risk to her. They could also require him to undergo drug testing. I he continues with the drugs (which would be the 'his decision' element of it) then he'll not meet the requirements set by the court to get contact. This would be his choice. As i said, you cant legally get him out of her life, only he can make that choice.

He's named on the birth certificate and doesn't so much as have any previous arrests. Squeaky clean unfortunately. However, should he end up taking me to court if I've stopped access because I suspected he was high at a visit, could I then ask for a drugs test for peace of mind?

x post, thanks Dia

If he's been to his GP for addiction help then you may stand a good chance of getting judge to order drug testing as it wouldnt be an accusation, he has actually confessed it himself. However, i am completely ignorant as to whether what he says to his GP can be used at all in court. Perhaps GP has no duty to disclose this information? I dont know much at all on that topic. Sorry.

If he turns up high is he aggressive or threatening? A call to the police under those circumstances would mean a record of his drug taking and risk to baby.

For christs sake get real legal advice from a qualified source one that you can check is qualified. You can get free telephone legal advice here

www.childrenslegalcentre.com/index.php?page=contact_us

These threads rapidly fill up with posters saying "stop contact he's an arse" or "you can never stop contact no matter what he's an equal parent"
It is not as cut and dried as that.

I have plenty of clients who have obtained no direct contact orders as well as many who you thought would get them that didn't.

The trouble with posts saying you don't have a choice because and they usually contain the line "a court will do xyz" is that they do not know. Even someone who is qualified cannot advise fully without knowing all the relevant information that is why many of the qualified solisitors who do post on here make it clear they are doing so based just on the information you provide and that it is no substitute for actual real life legal support.

apparently he thought it'd be a brilliant idea to have a cocaine fuelled threesome with me and his ex in the middle of the day while caring for our new born

Wait, wait... What?

He had a threesome with YOU and his ex? Or with two other girls?

He thought the OP would be up for it with him and his ex Friendly, and was surprised when she wasn't.

She didn't actually go along with him.

Derp. My reading comprehension is crap tonight. My bad.

He sounds like an idiot.

Is that really the type of guy you want as a role model in your daughter's life?

OP, I think YABU to expect him to call daily.

YANBU to want to keep your DD away from this man. He sounds like a complete fuckwit. She is 15 weeks old. You gave birth only 3.5 months ago. Your priority should be your DD and yourself.

By all means give him time, but judge him on what he does, not what he says when it suits him.