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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I feel awful for not being able to treat my friend on her 30th.

18 replies

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/07/2014 21:52

My friend is 30 on monday, she split up with her long term bf recently, so shes gutted.

And I dont have the funds to be able to treat her on her 30. Her ex used to do really grand things for her birthday, I want to be able to do something for her and I really cant.

AIBU to feel like a really shit friend?

OP posts:
Kbear · 19/07/2014 21:54

make her a few cupcakes or buy them from M&S or somewhere - poundland sell lovely cupcake boxes, and decorations....

your friendship is the important thing, not the gift, so don't feel you have to spend loads. A card with lovely words means a lot more.

Jewels234 · 19/07/2014 21:57

I'm sure that anything, no matter how small, will be hugely appreciated. Make her a card? Get her a cake? It's the thought that counts!

motherofmonster · 19/07/2014 21:58

she would more than likely appreciate a couple of bottles of wine, face pack , cheesy film and a good natter to put the world to rights.
Spending time with people who love you should be more important than how much they spend

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 19/07/2014 21:59

You are not a shit friend. A shit friend would not even think of her on her birthday. You on the other hand are thinking so much about her, and that makes you a good friend.
There are loads of ways you can spoil her for very little money. Pamper her all day, face packs, chick flicks, do her nails, make her a cake and take a bottle of wine.
A nice card and a balloon (poundland do helium ones - costs £2 in total once filled) will brighten her day.
Just let her know how much you think about her.

catinbootz · 19/07/2014 22:00

Have you been friends for long? Make her a megatastic 80s mix tape of your youth?

Suprise her with a loaf of shit but guilty pleasures - crap films, a cheap pair of pjs from Primark, Prosecco, sweets and popcorn.

Do a cheap home-spa evening for her? Nails, facial, bubble vpbath stuff.

Or get your glad rags on and head to the nearest, cheap club with a bottle of voddy in your handbag.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 19/07/2014 22:00

If you are near a Waitrose they do great inexpensive cup cakes, that a bottle of prosecco usually on offer and a cheesy chick flick would be fabulous

catinbootz · 19/07/2014 22:01

Soz for typos

moonmrs · 19/07/2014 22:02

Can you stretch to a cup of coffee with cake in town and go window shopping? Go and try on a load of dresses that you'd never be able to afford to buy. Could you cook her a meal? Have a film night in?

Agree its nothing to do with how much things cost, she'll appreciate you being there for her as a friend more than anything else. There are loads of things you can do for fun which don't cost much. And tbh if her ex was all about grand gestures then its likely she won't want that anyway. You are definitely not a shit friend, you seem like quite the opposite.

Dontgotosleep · 19/07/2014 22:02

Your friend is lucky to have a friend who is as caring as you. Just a little goody bag with say for example a small box of chocolates, a nail varnish, nail files. Bubble bath and a small bottle of wine.
Friendship, loyalty support and a shoulder to cry are the most important gift you can give to your friend at the moment

moonmrs · 19/07/2014 22:03

Sorry took me so long to type I cross posted with a few there!

bloodyteenagers · 19/07/2014 22:06

What does she like?
No point suggesting certain things if she hates cheesy chicks flicks, teetotal and hates cupcakes. And yes we exist lol.
But if she has more than one mate, how about all round to one house, everyone brings a dish. Great food and company are sometimes all you need.

cozietoesie · 19/07/2014 22:11

You don't need to treat her - although you may want to. If I were your friend, just having and old friend ring up on my birthday to wish me well would mean so much.

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/07/2014 22:16

We've been friends for 26 years.

Me and DD are gonna make some cupcakes for her, I already got her present, we going to Harry Potter tour in a week.

Just trying to suggests thing to do on the day, she's out with her family in the evening.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 19/07/2014 22:18

YY tell us what she likes and what her budget is and then we can give ideas?

You mentioned that she has just ended a relationship.Sometimes when you seperate (did she live with her ex?) it is nice to have a new home decor to mark the new begining. Even if is something small i.e. offer to paint her bedroom, a new plant, a fab photo framed, a cheap painting or poster. This would work for me but maybe not for others.
What is the budget?

Laquitar · 19/07/2014 22:22

Oh i now see that you meant a day out , not a present.sorry.

I like #bloody's# idea to gather all her friends and each bring a dish.

A picnic in the park with wine?

DikTrom · 19/07/2014 22:52

Could you take her to a park for a picnic or museum? I agree with other posters, it is your company what will matter most to her.

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 19/07/2014 22:54

I've suggested a few things, but shes feeling rather low atm, so I wont force a decision on her.

OP posts:
ThisIsBULLSHIT · 19/07/2014 22:59

Could you write down all the things you love about her and put them into separate envelopes so she has lots of nice things to read?

Or collects a few pictures of you and her over the years and put them all in one document and frame it?

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