Has AIBU been too harsh a place to start a thread?

[settingsitting]

AIBU can be a harsh place to start a thread.

Have you been really upset after starting a thread on here?

I've just returned to MN after an 18 month hiatus. Was a poster for years. What's amusing is that people are still saying AIBU's full of new frothy posters and it's all so different etc - just like they were saying when I joined in 2008!

There have always been people who enjoy hurting and offending people on here.

Personally I like AIBU. it's full of very funny threads, very interesting arguments and direct speaking.

The gratuitious horribleness is unfortunate and I call it when I see it as do others.

I've never started an AIBU about anything that actually matters to me, so if I get a flurry of YABU it doesn't bother me too much.

When I'm actually upset/worried and need help or advice I post in the relevant topic, or _Chat if I can't work out where it ought to go, and most people are kind and constructive.

But I've been here (under various names) for four years or so, and I know better than to offer an open wound to AIBU.

It's shocked me to see how manipulatively nasty and vile some people are. Horrible how they pick up on an innocuous sentence and twist it to mean something that was

Of course they wouldn't do it in RL as it would expose them for the vicious shits they are.

No I haven't got upset because I don't place that much importance on a bunch of strangers without the full picture.

If someone gets arsey because they think they know you and the full situation then they are a bit of a twat, and twats don't have reliable opinions!

I am just astounded that it can go off at a tangent that you couldn't foresee!

Yes I made the mistake of posting at a vulnerable point in my life and seriously regretted it. Some people were lovely but others seemed to take it as an opportunity to project their own issues onto me and then let rip.
I obsessed about the post for ages and was angry I had let complete strangers comment on my personal life when they had only read a tiny snapshot and had no clue what else was going on.
I will probably never AIBU again and it took a while to even use mumsnet again.

It can be a really weird place. I was once told that expensive cars get vandalised after our car was vandalised and I posted a mildly ranty thread. Our car is not an expensive one, nor had I hinted that it was. Weird and chippy without merit.

When I'm actually upset/worried and need help or advice I post in the relevant topic, or _Chat if I can't work out where it ought to go, and most people are kind and constructive.

This for me too. I've only ever made one aibu thread. It was sort of a what would you do. I had a few helpful responses, then posters started to pick on an unimportant detail and turn it into something inflammatory. I saw it was going to derail, and I quietly hid the thread. None of it mattered.

I think AIBU can be a great section, but people can get too nasty, and is best used for minor things, funny threads, etc. Not for serious advice.

See I guess I can't work out why if something actually matters to you, that you would post in aibu. It's fairly "get what you see". If it matters post in chat. If it's mild/amusing/a rant post in aibu.

Chat is for chat. For to and fro. Aibu is more to have the funniest/wittiest/snappiest retort.

People seem to go onto AIBU purely to see if they can find someone to take their bad attitude out on! Frankly chat can be just as bad from what I've seen. I wouldn't post anything of a serious person nature on any part of mumsnet.

AIBU goes in fits and starts.

It's always the wrong place to post for support, and I do think there has been a protracted bad patch (post PB new brutality?) I had thought it had settled a bit in the last week or two, but with the summer holidays on us (a time when it often goes weird) we'll have to wait and see.

It's just a form of bear baiting imo

I'm pretty new & tend to post stuff that doesn't matter on AIBU.

Welcome back even though I don't know you

Not so many upset posters yet as I thought that there would be.

I have been upset at what I have seen dished out to many unsuspecting OPs on AIBU. I would never put anything out there myself.

I used to like AIBU. It is pretty vile now tbh.

Well you posted in AIBUs. I'd guess the worst affected have the topic hidden.

You think I should repost in chat?
That might be over egging it?
I will have a think.

I don't think it matters if it's AIBU, chat, baby names or any other topic.

If a poster wants to be a goady twat , theydon't care where the post is based.

Upset? No, not often. I often get angry. I use the 'hide thread' function a lot more than I used to ever do in my early days here.

I've done daft AIBU's about having the stand off with a cat and a twat who ate cereal in his car then chucked his leftovers on my verge, arsehole!

Nothing serious.

Reposted in chat, rightly or wrongly.

Like your style, StillStaying!

I am newish and I had some really good and supportive advice when I posted but I have also witnessed what you mean.

I have also been deliberately misunderstood when offering my own support to someone but I have seen it so much on here, I didn't take offence as I realise it's just part of the culture, I just explained what I meant and directed my answer got back to the real point I was trying to make to help support the OP.

It's surely best to just take the best answers and discard the rest because at the end of the day, nobody knows who we really are anyway - personally I don't mind if you did know who I was, but it IS anonymous if anyone was feeling bothered or humiliated by the aggro.

The majority of MN'rs are decent people and will give decent advice. But, I do believe there are a small minority that 'cruise the boards' looking for trouble, and will work as some sort of sick 'group' to cricify the OP.
(I've learnt to recognise certain usernames as being guilty of this)
And they ALWAYS crop up at the first whiff of trouble.
Sad really how some people get their kicks.

Unfortunately, newbies, upon coming on MN for the first time, will often accidentally make their first post in AIBU (because it's nearly always in Active Posts), and then they get the trouble makers calling them goady feckers and trolls.

So yes, it IS a harsh place to put a first post. But until MN sorts things out, unfortunately you will always get unsuspecting newbies accidentally entering what can be a nasty area.

crucify