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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let him stay?

52 replies

macdoodle · 19/07/2014 00:20

God I hope I dont live to regret this.
My almost 13 yr old DD1 has a male 15 yr old "friend" (another story that I have posted about before).
His mother kept kicking him out. Social services were involved and all seemed to settle.
Half an hour ago, I discovered that he has been kicked out again tonight and is currently wandering the streets in a less salubrious part of our city.
I spoke to him and he is tearful and shaky and kept apologising for being a pain. He says he has been locked out and cant go home. He has tried a few friends houses but they are either asleep or not answering. He wont go to the police.
I currently have my DD1 and her best friend sleeping here, and my 6yr old DD2.
I cannot allow this child to remain on the streets, I just cannot. And how his mother can sleep knowing he is out wandering around I just cannot grasp at all (no matter what he has done). So I have said he can come and sleep here tonight.
This makes me uncomfortable for a number of reasons, but I just cannot ignore this situation. We have a spare room but it is upstairs next door to mine and DD2's room and would prefer he wasn't up here. So I have said he can sleep on the sofa downstairs, which is next door to DD1's room.
To complicate matters, a friend of DD2 is being dropped off at 9 and my ex coming to collect the little ones to take to a party. So he must be gone by then.
He is about half an hours walk away so I have come to bed but my door is open so I can listen out.I have warned my daughter that this is a huge amount of trust on my part, and if they break it,there will be serious consequences.
I dont think I had a choice tonight.

OP posts:
Ronmione · 19/07/2014 10:32

Gosh what a hard situation and I hope it all works out,

Just from a different angle, my ss used to go missing quite often. We would be scouring the streets for him, desperate to know where he was. He often told people he had been kicked out so they would take him in.

He's a lovely lad who found school very difficult and would often kick out at the people around him.

Preciousbane · 19/07/2014 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildFlowersAttractBees · 19/07/2014 10:40

You did the right thing at the time OP, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Regardless of the situation the boy needs help Sad.

GoringBit · 19/07/2014 10:43

You did a beautiful thing macdoodle, poor boy.

trufflesnout · 19/07/2014 13:34

Well done macdoodle, you handled this awesomely. I hope you're out having fun and he's less shaken by 4 - poor thing.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/07/2014 14:42

Regardless of what happened between laddie and his mum, you did the right thing. Even though she was frightened, I'm sure she's glad to know he was safe last night. And he had a safe, warm place to sleep and to think. The teen years are so difficult, even in the best of circumstances. I'm sure they probably just had a row that got out of hand. Hopefully, they'll learn from it.

I think SS these days treats everyone with some scepticism. But, they have procedures in place to sort things out.

And thanks to those of you who've remarked about my 'lost boys'. I'm nothing special, really. I'd always wanted a large family, but God didn't see it that way & I only had 2. So my 'Mother Hen-ishness' had to go somewhere, I guess.

macdoodle give yourself a big hug and a pat on the back from me.

impatienceisavirtue · 19/07/2014 14:52

I would have let him stay too.

When we were younger we always had a teenager or two (friends of my older brothers) staying with us. We had the room and my parents are good people - these kids would have nowhere else to go. One moved in for about a year, one for six months, some for days or weeks. Some had horrific times at home but we never once got stung by it. I respect my parents a lot for what they did for those kids, and I'd do the same.

ohthatsokthen · 19/07/2014 15:45

Macdoodle you are a lovely person. What a sad story, I hope the boy and the mother are helped.

theoldtrout01876 · 19/07/2014 22:07

My house is the safe house too.

Ive had 3 thrown out teenage boys living here for months over the years ( Not all at once ). Ive always got a couple that stay here for a few days then disappear again.

Ive never had a problem with any of them, and a couple of them were very scary looking dudes but were polite and respectful and greatfull to have someplace to stay.

Original poster
macdoodle · 21/07/2014 21:40

Moral of the story....dont get involved or try to help, The boys mother apparantly plans to report me for kidnapping! Dear god, time to step away from another family's drama. Stupid cow, she clearly has issues.

OP posts:
fluffymouse · 21/07/2014 21:58

Poor you op.

The mum can do whatever she likes, I would just take it as hot air now.

Where is the boy now?

Well done for taking him in.

wowfudge · 21/07/2014 21:59

Don't worry OP - you did the right thing.

GarlicJulyKit · 21/07/2014 22:01

Blimey! Poor kid.

You did a good thing. There's loads of evidence that even brief episodes of normal kindness, with decent people, can save a child from completely disappearing into its parents' nightmares.

SallyMcgally · 21/07/2014 22:09

Oh macdoodle that's really rough on you. She won't get anywhere, but horribly stressful for you.Thanks for absolutely having done the right thing.

HavanaSlife · 21/07/2014 22:09

Let her try it, idiot! I'd be greatful my son was safe

NickiFury · 21/07/2014 22:14

Stupid woman. OP that boy will always remember that you did that for him when he was at such a low ebb. I think you're great.

RedPony · 21/07/2014 22:37

Well done op you did the right thing. I can't believe the boys mother though!There is no way she can have you done for kidnapping her son, especially if you called Ss the next morning as what would be the point in kidnapping someone only to hand them in the next morning? Silly woman!
I think what you have done for that boy was a really nice thing to do and you should be proud of yourself Thanks

AcrossthePond55 · 22/07/2014 01:09

That's why we ALWAYS insisted that we be able to call a parent. We were threatened with that in one case (the man who hit his son) but we had called his mother (joint custody) so we had met the requirements of the law, we had the permission of one parent for him to be with us.

Let her report you. All you'll need to do it tell your side of the story and have her son & SS corroborate it. She's just pissed because you contacted SS and showed her up for the lousy mother she is.

Please don't let this stop you from helping another child in trouble.

AgentZigzag · 25/07/2014 23:06

WTF? Kidnapping??

It's maybe worse than you thought for the lad.

Did she say it to you directly or did you hear it from your DC? Is it possible the lad kind of twisted what happened when he was telling his mum to take the heat off himself a bit? (not doing it on purpose or with any malice, but the mum's constructed her own story around it?)

If she understood what you actually did for her DS she'd be grateful, so maybe she either hasn't heard the truth or she's feeling guilty and lashing out.

Koothrapanties · 25/07/2014 23:12

Oh dear. I take it he didn't come back this afternoon then?

AgentZigzag · 25/07/2014 23:18

Thread's from last weekend Kooth.

Original poster
macdoodle · 25/07/2014 23:22

He came back spot on 4pm as requested. I then spent a few hours calling social services and the police. A really nasty experience actually but thats a whole other thread. The police eventually took him home.
The mother actually rung MY DD1, gave her an earful, told her to tell me to call her as she was reporting me for kidnapping.
Have both withdrawn a bit. Had a chat with a friend of mine who works in CP, who said its not uncommon for dysfunctional/abusive families to complain about other people involved to take the heat of themselves.
Am going to stay well out of it, and have asked DD1 to try to take a step back :(

OP posts:
Pastperfect · 25/07/2014 23:22

You did the right thing. The mother is presumably feeling guilty and lashing out. Ignore, ignore, ignore

Original poster
macdoodle · 25/07/2014 23:24

I absolutely dont regret what I did, it was the right thing to do. Maybe it will help him to see how normal responsible people behave. Sad it didnt have a better outcome. Very poor actions by SS and police both.

OP posts:
Pastperfect · 25/07/2014 23:25

Cross posts mcdoodle

Understand your desire to step back but you still did a great thing