AIBU to get back in touch with a long lost friend via FB?

[justwondering72]

Probably this is more of a WWYD, but I am really stewing over this one!

I did a search and found my old best friend on FB. We were best friends from when we were about 14 till we were about 24. We were so, so close, practically living in each others pockets until we each went off to Uni. We stayed friends despite living in different towns. Our friendship ended, or at least went on hold, when she stayed in our home country and I decided to go travelling with another friend after Uni. When I was away, she got into all kinds of strife - involved with a very dodgy bloke, telling lies to all and sundry, she even dragged my family into it (and they had known her as long as I had so that really hurt them too). In the end she got pregnant by him, realised that he was never going to change, left him and had her baby. I only found all this out when she wrote to me many years later. I was really wary when I got this letter, I couldn't tell if she'd actually sorted herself out or what, and I was scared of getting involved in her dramas again. I wrote back to her at the time, but never heard back again. I headed overseas again, and that has been that.

Until now. I'm at a cross roads in life. My youngest just went into fulltime education, and I have a bit more time on my hands. I live overseas, and have lost touch with a lot of old friends. I do want to reconnect with people from my past, or at least put more effort into keeping in touch with old friends, I feel like there is a big gap where people from my past should be. So on the off-chance (I really didn't expect her to be on FB) I did a search on her name. And there she was. The urge to contact her is great. We are both 42 now. As far as I can tell from FB, she's still single, just her and her dd.

I don't even know why I want to be in touch with her again. We don't live in the same country. I'm probably not the same person I was 25 years ago, and nor is she. Its just... I saw a photo of her, and there she was. My best friend, who I haven't seen for 20+ years. And her daughter that I haven't even met.

Leave it well alone? Or get in touch?

I'd say do it. You are abroad so it's not like she's suddenly going to stalk you. (Hopefully).

It sounds like she went through a bad phase but there must have been something there for you to be so close for so long.

i would message her, what harm can come from that if you don't even live near each other.

What was in the letter after she finished the relationship. If she was truly contrite I'd be inclined to contact. It sounds like she'd grown up a bit then.

I can't see the harm in sending a message to say Hello. Be prepared for a brief intense exchange of messages and then it fizzling out again

It wouldn't hurt to send a friend request, I think. She can decide whether to accept or not, and you can take it from there. The worst that's likely to happen is that she's still a dram queen, and you can unfriend/block/whatever (or be entertained/appalled at a distance.) The chances of her being some kind of stalker are pretty slim.

I am friends on fb with someone I knew at school til we were 15, we're now just over 40 and haven't seen each other for 25 years. I don't live in the uk but she lives in the same town as my dad, who I'm visiting this week. Met up with her for a drink this week, it's as if we saw each other yesterday. We had lots to talk about (past times) but not much in common at the moment. We'll keep in touch.

If you're in different countries there's no chance of a close friendship but it's nice to reminisce and catch up, why not?

I would expect it to fizxle again tbh.

She didn't bother to tell you that she'd had a baby until years later, and you're only looking up old friends now that you have the time!

I live abroad and have reconnected with old school and Uni friends through FB. I have found that the ones I liked 25 years ago are still people I get along with today.

I have met UK with a few including one school friend who turned out to be living in the same country as me.

I say go for it I have found it an enriching experience

Up not UK!

DO IT!! I did, we now see each other eow, and are besg friends again. Best decision I've ever made

Message her and send a friend request. What is there to lose?

I've got lots of old schoolfriends, new friends, acquaintances, close friends, distant relatives and close relatives on my FB friends list - it makes life interesting.