To be a bit at the end of my tether with this?

[Daisby]

DD1 received driving lessons for her 17th birthday. Was very keen to start them, and be driving. After a few lessons we thought it'd be a good idea if we insured her on one of our cars so that she could practice outside of "official" lessons and hopefully make the process a little quicker.

The insurance was astronomical, so after a bit of thought we put it to her that we might buy a little banger of a car, as her early 18th birthday pressie/good exam results pressie/leaving school etc (basically, we'd buy this and then Bank of Mum and Dad was closed for business yeah right ) - this worked out over a grand cheaper than insuring her on one of our cars and it means that our other kids can use the car in later years to learn in.

She agreed wholeheartedly and was over the moon with the little car she/we chose. She was full of what she'd do and where she'd go once she had passed her test. She really could do with driving, as public transport is awful here and I do far too much driving around of kids as it is.

So fast forward a good few months.....she's having official driving lessons from an instructor, but refuses to practice in her own car. It sits decorating our street like a big shiny bauble. Every time we suggest a lesson to her, we are met with an excuse. Consequently, it's taking far more proper lessons for her to become competent - we are forking out for those every few weeks. I think the problem is that she is a bit lazy and cba to drive and we always are available to take her places etc. She is a fairly OK driver, even the instructor says just needs more practice and it seems mad that we are paying £16ish a lesson when she could be using her own car.

I feel aggrieved that we are forking out for car insurance/road tax etc for something that's not being used. I'm a bit resentful that we have facilitated lessons and the car and we are STILL expected to fork out for more lessons and still take her places. I wouldn't mind giving her lifts if she was showing willing to practice though.

AIBU to now say that we are not paying for any more lessons beyond this current block until she starts to practice a bit more? And another thought was that come September, when I start a new job, I won't easily be able to take her to school - AIBU to say she's to get the bus in order to "force" her to pull her finger out? I could take her if we rejigged the morning rush a bit and if she didn't have access to a car then I'd happily do that. However I feel a little bit mean that the lessons were her birthday present and we originally said we'd pay for as many as she needed. Am I being too soft/harsh/whatever?

Advice needed please!

I think you might be unreasonable to assume that her driving with you in the car will help her pass more quickly. It's not like practicing the violin; some of the worst arguments I've ever had with my dad were the result of driving practice with him! You're not an instructor, as much as you mean well, and she may not want that set up until she's passed.

I took lessons when I was 17 and practised in my Mum's car too. It was awful - my Mum used to clutch the seat when she was driving, screech at me and was just generally awful and completely knocked my confidence.

I took one test til I failed then didn't think about driving til I was 29.

That time round I only took lessons, didn't practice with anyone and passed with 4 minors.

Is there any reason that you can think of that she doesn't want to practice with you?

"she is probably nervous being in a car with no dual controls."
^^ This.

When I was learning to drive I was insured on DP's car to practice in, the idea being that I would do all the boring drives like to and from the shops etc just to get some practice in.

It turned out that the closer it got to me having to drive somewhere, the more terrified I'd get - and I'd end up making excuses like your DD (it's raining, I'm too tired etc...)

Not due to laziness, but sheer terror! Could it be similar with your DD?

I love driving now btw, my nerves started to fade after I passed my test!

She will regret it - I'm mid thirties and still can't drive - it limits where we can live, the job I can do, the social activities the children can enjoy, and the bus fares bankrupt us. And it is just too expensive to have lessons now, there is nothing else we can sacrifice to make it possible - although reading this thread, perhaps dp can teach me with kmids in the car (I didn't think I was allowed to drive passengers and we have nobody at all we can leave them with).

I started learning to drive at 17 and I hated it with a passion. I couldn't deal with the forty million things I had to do at once. My mum kept trying to get me to practise with her and I made loads of excuses. Lessons were bad enough! I had a plan in my head as to how I could do without a car.....
I failed my first test epically.
I tried again a year later and that extra year really helped. I had a goodly long time without driving and then I was ready.
Having said that I still hate driving and would never drive again if it was remotely possible!

Well we've been out tonight for a good lesson and everything went really well. Her driving is fine, she doesn't seem stressed when I'm in the car, I don't shout or get antsy.
We had a good conversation about driving, and concluded that we'd use the holidays to practice together. I didn't have to threaten or say that we wouldn't pay for more lessons, but I approached it in a non-confrontational manner saying that we couldn't go on paying indefinitely and that she would be better off passing her test sooner rather than later, as it would be a pain to have to get the bus in Sept. She agreed with all of this but said that sometimes after school she is tired and just can't be bothered to drive (which is fair enough I suppose, we all like a sit down after work just some of us don't get a minute's peace ) we agreed that she'd drive herself to places and she has indeed done that tonight!

So some progress made, just when I was at the end of my tether!