Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not letting my ds have a play date because I don't like his friend's mum?

29 replies

StandardHeight · 17/07/2014 22:57

My ds is just finishing reception year. He made friends with a boy who has now left and gone to another school but we still see them from time to time at after school activities. His mum is someone who I'd prefer to keep a distance from, she's shown signs of being quite aggressive and someone who is bitter and spiteful. I don't want anything to do with her really. But my ds misses her son and wants to see him. I'm avoiding it. AIBU. WWYD?

OP posts:
itsahen · 17/07/2014 23:02

Let him go solo. Pick up but say you are in a rush so can't stop for a brew ..

Original poster
StandardHeight · 17/07/2014 23:07

Problem is that every single play date she's done with other dc's in class she's stayed at house with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
StandardHeight · 17/07/2014 23:08

So what I mean is when I reciprocate she might come in and stay through play date as she has before.

OP posts:
bughunt · 17/07/2014 23:10

Then make sure you do the picking up and dropping off, or just put up with her.

YWBVU to not let your son see his friend.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/07/2014 23:15

I'd avoid it at that age TBH.

What actually is a "play date" by the way? Is it the same as going to
play at someone's house or is there more to it?

Original poster
StandardHeight · 17/07/2014 23:17

Yes just playing at so someone's house, I've always known it as a play date, everyone seems to say that. But now ds getting a bit older it's more just come over or for tea.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 17/07/2014 23:22

Ah, OK. I've heard the expression but never been 100% sure what was meant by it.

When my DSs were younger (16 & 13) people just used to invite them either "to play" or "to tea".

Happy36 · 17/07/2014 23:25

I sympathise. Could you offer to pick up her son for the playdate and drop him off afterwards with some excuse about needing to pass by anyway? She might be so fed up and tired of school holidays that she agrees!

MyPrettyToes · 17/07/2014 23:26

aggressive, bitter and spiteful....? If your assessment of her character is correct why even contemplate having your son anywhere near this person.

God no, why. You don't like her. You will have to spend time with her. Don't do it to yourself. Your son will be okay.

stealthsquiggle · 17/07/2014 23:28

I would leave it at them seeing each other at activities, TBH [coward]

Thenapoleonofcrime · 17/07/2014 23:29

I would avoid, he can easily be diverted to a new friend and you won't want them hanging around together when they are older. Better to nip it in the bud now, especially as they don't attend the same school.

Balaboosta · 17/07/2014 23:45

Yes. Avoid. It's fine.

Birdsgottafly · 18/07/2014 06:43

What was she "aggressive, bitter and spiteful" about?

I was very difficult to be around after the death of my DH, my youngest was eight, but people didn't isolate me and my closest friends pulled me up in my behaviour, which was good for me.

Original poster
StandardHeight · 18/07/2014 07:55

I can't really say as she may be on here and recognise that I'm speaking about her. But it wasn't a scenario such as yours. She shows that she cannot let things go - minor things - and strikes a vendetta against people when she's not getting her own way. As a consequence, no one in her family talks to her and the grandparents don't see her children.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 18/07/2014 07:57

he'll forget soon enough

tobysmum77 · 18/07/2014 08:07

yanbu plenty more fish in the sea is my opinion.

Simile · 18/07/2014 08:31

Does the boy have any siblings? Might be your reason why you just pickup the boy your ds likes then mum can pick him up. By that time the boy is ready to go?

Alternatively, you could swap after school activities and encourage other friends instead?

Noneedtoworryatall · 18/07/2014 09:12

My mum was like this when I was younger.

As an adult I don't have a single friend from my childhood. It breaks my heart when I see pictures if old friends on Facebook that have managed to stay friends.

As a mother of three children I do everything I can to support their little friendships.

Original poster
StandardHeight · 20/07/2014 22:19

Gosh noneedtoworry, that's real sad. And I fear, sadly, that this little boy will feel the same. So sad. I really hope you've been able to make up for it in later life.

OP posts:
deakymom · 20/07/2014 22:58

park play date and helicopter mom it?

deakymom · 20/07/2014 23:00

my kids grandparents don't see them believe me its not my fault nothing to do with vendettas or me being a bad person xx (just saying there might be a rational reason for it she might be overprotective) personally i drop my kids off for a play date i dont stay!

HicDraconis · 20/07/2014 23:07

YANBU. My son has a friend from a previous school who has a mother I don't get on with. She's not nasty or unpleasant, I just don't like her or her opinions and attitudes.

I haven't invited her son over to play and I have politely refused invites in the other direction. Both boys have plenty of other friends so neither will miss out and I won't have to put up with trying to explain to my son why her son has told him the government is poisoning us all.

tobysmum77 · 21/07/2014 07:11

I'm sorry but some people are being melodramatic here. At 4 they are only starting to form friendships. It would be different if the child was 9. Also with playdates at that age you have to be really comfortable with where they are going, they are still very little.

YourHandInMyHand · 21/07/2014 07:45

They are quite young and don't go to school together, I think focus on meet ups with other people and your son will soon move on.

Jinty64 · 21/07/2014 07:51

Encourage other friendships with children in his class. He will forget about the other boy.