To tell DH he can't buy something?

[SassehMonsta]

We're expecting our first child in Dec. Been married for 2.5yrs and living together for much longer - Im 24, hes 22. I've always been in charge of finances as he is rubbish, and when we started out together he didnt have any money/income etc. Now hes the higher earner (I only work 2-3 days a week, hes got a full time contract) he has it in his head he can go out and jist blow all our money on gadgets. I didnt mind too much at first, he invested in a pc he'd been after for ages with his first pay check. But now he wants a wii U. Hes beem bugging me about it since last year and each time Ive said no, we have more importnant things to spend our money on - getting a deposit down on a place to live (renting), paying bills, household items like a fridge, dishwasher etc. Month before last he went out one.day after work and convinced me to buy a 3DS & a couple of games and a memory card etc. This month we've bought a dishwasher.
Today, after saying no to a wii U once again (we.have a wii that he never plays, nvm an xbox 360, xbox, ps2 etc) hes.said that maybe he will stop working becaise whats the point of working if you dont get to spend your own money.

I mean, its not like we have bills to pay, rent to pay, a dog who requires medication every day, and several other things we need to get (current list includes turf & a new.mattress)! No, apparently he.wants to spend all our money on a stupid games console, and when he doesn't get his own way he.has a childish strop.

I probaby wouldnt mind so much if we could afford it, but i've been off work with Hyperemesis and Im still trying to get back into the rhythm of things again, so my incomes down too. Aaaarrggghhhh

so tell me, AIBU?

how much maternity pay will you get? how will it work then?

"The 3DS was a frivillous purchase but I have to say he has used it every day for 2 months so far and is great for long journeys, taking to work, waiting around for appointments etc. " sounds like you talking about a young child !!!

To look at it from his point of view, I'd be questioning why, if you're so skint, you're only working 2-3 days a week?

And a dishwasher really isn't a necessity.

Sounds like neither of your has your priorities sorted.

It's like one person is wanting to play happy families and is working down the checklist of things a 2.4 family "should" have and the other is still developing from a teenager into an adult and is prioritising the things he thinks he is entitled to treat himself to now he has money for the first time. You're not even on the same planet re money.

You'd think this is something you'd noticed before children were even on the horizon. Or marriage.

Sorry, I've not read the whole thread, but perhaps if you sold all of the other games consols & games you might have a lot of the money to go towards the new one?

I'd also suggest saving up over the course of the next few months and maybe asking relatives for contributions in leiu of Christmas present? (HIS, not yours).

HTH - and good luck, I'd hate to be a gaming widow!

Bogey understood my post correctly. DD decided to hang on to her savings, and we will get Wii U as family gift at Christmas...

I am nearly 50, and spend more time than I should on computer games. I don't intend to stop anytime soon either. I see nothing wrong with OPs OH playing games, but his attitude re work \ money sounds very immature.

This is going to sound very patronising but here goes...

You handle all the money as you both agree you are better at it but this doesn't absolve him of responsibility for how the money is spent.

Since you seem to have a better grasp, you should write down your total income and then the sum that is left after all the bills/essential purchases have been made.

Explain to him that this residual figure is non-negotiable and if it means that he has to save up at 10 per month for a games console then so be it.

Alternatively, you might have say 500 left each month and he can buy the console outright, but he needs to understand that for that month, you both have absolutley no other spending money.

Make it clear to him that you are not bothered WHAT the residual amount of income is spent on, but once it is spent, it is spent. My husband would love to spend every spare penny on guitars, but he knows if he did that he wouldn't be going out for meals, the kids might not have new clothes etc so he doesn't. He needs to see clearly the link between what is left after bills etc and what impact this has on what he can buy. If he wants stuff he can't afford then he has to think about either increasing his income or accepting it will take longer for him to have the things he wants.

Oh and if he DOES buy the console then be savvy about it. Use a cashback website or get Tesco clubcard points which you can convert into something else.

YANBU OP. Mostly replying because I think you could use the voice of someone supporting you. The are some proper sanctimonious idiots on this thread. Thank goodness I didn't have a baby with some of these oh so mature posters.

Canaryyellow the OP said she has hyperemesis (3rd para first post) - which is probably the reason for not working full time atm.

I bought my wii U second hand last year for £30 off Gum Tree.

Oh no hang on, I bought a Wii....not a wii U!

Ignore me.

And to the posters suggesting that people playing videogames are immature...my DH does the cleaning, washing, is decorating the bathroom, organises the shopping, sorts the weekly menu plan (which enables me to spend time running), recycling, bins out, gardening, and follows the budget we drew up together. He is very responsible...and just happens to enjoy Fallout 3. Whilst I'm Mnetting.

Quite. Nowt wrong with gaming (or spending time on MN etc) if it doesn't get in the way of your responsibilities in terms of time/finance/household stuff and whatever else.

starry - totally not patronising, thanks :)

I don't work full time because I have Hyperemeisis, & I currently work for a small business on a zero hour contract. I would have found somewhere more "full-time" but I'm really happy here and by the time I realised I was pregnant it was too late to start looking into anywhere else to work just to increase my maternity pay entitlement.

Having lived with my DH for 6 years, I knew what I was getting into when we got married (3.5 years of living with someone, you get to know them well!!) and I appreciate that yes, I have married a childish man - but that's just one of the things I love about him. Plus, the fact that we are having a child together is beside the point of this post - please go and moan about it somewhere else!! It's entirely our decision, I just have issue with the current "console" situation.

The dishwasher was an agreed purchase that we've talked about together for a long time (ie, over a year) and had been putting money into a savings account for that specific purchase - we decided we should get it sorted and put in sooner rather than later (we planned for it to arrive October/Nov), so paid a bit more than planned out of the current account to cover the difference, and a bit for plumbing to be done in order for it to be working properly and any problems to be sorted well in advance of baby.

Will be sorting out a budget in clear terms this weekend and discuss it further. Hormones certainly played a part in last nights discussions!!

Not that we've spent any time gaming lately - precisely because we have too much else going on, unfortunately.

You've been living with him for 6 years so you were 18 and he was 16?
I'm guessing that bills weren't so much of an issue then?
Maybe mentally he's still in that head space.
With a baby due in December how much time does he expect to have sitting around playing on all of your consoles??

I don't think either of you are really being unreasonable on this. We all like to spend money on unnecessary items I'm sure. I spend way too much via catalogues on clothes/shoes. I also play games online and we do have a games console so I guess we must be childish too...? My DH is a musician so a fair bit of cash is spent on that but I don't mind, he works hard and cooks, cleans etc.

I think the idea of suggesting your DH sells an old console and/or games to put towards it may be a good idea.

Feel for you with the Hyperemises, it's been over 17 years and I still remember those awful first few months. x

I think you have to get a balance. Obviously if you can't afford your basic bills then he can't spend the money on gadgets. But a dishwasher isn't a necessity either. So you will have to reach some sort of compromise on who spends how much on what. Life does get a bit grim if we can never ever have what we want.

and that's where the 'pocket money', or 'allowance' bit comes in - you each know that you will have £X a month to do what you want with - that may be treating yourself to a fancy coffee each day or might be your new boots or might be the games console. Whether the £X amount is £10, £100, or £200 will entirely depend on what you have each month after paying your day to day living costs, your pension, savings, emergency fund, insurances, and savings for things you both want for the house or family. At this stage in your life, I doubt it will be much each month, but then you each make decisions about boosting that spending amount by selling stuff you've got, or raising income another way, or, by being patient and waiting until it builds up.
Thing is, once the baby is here if (s)he's anything like my 3 you won't have time for games console anyhow, so it will become a mute point.

Agree with what Backforgood posted.

Thinks wistfully of pre kid days with spending money.

Seriously though if you just see it as his hobby it will annoy you less.

A Wii U isn't 400 quid unless you get a load of games with it. The machine itself is only just over 200. Trade the Wii in unless he has a lot of downloads and it will mean the first Wii U game doesn't cost much at all.

At least he does not want an airplane. Mine does, and scared to death of planes and flying.

I am