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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are my brother and sil u or am I ?

22 replies

TooBloodyHot · 17/07/2014 14:24

Sorry its too long to fit in the subject box.

I have name changed for this, incase anyone thinks it's an interesting first post, which is doubtful as it is really petty. I just want to know if I am being u.

Bit of background : I will often arrange to meet up with sil (brothers wife) and my dns they're a similar age to my dc and love to play together, plus they're my Dns and I enjoy spending time with them and sil.
sil often cancels last minute to go shopping or because something else came up or took longer than she expected, which is ok, I just don't see our meet ups as being set in stone, I don't see the point in getting annoyed over it.

One of my old friends passed away recently, his funeral is just for close family and friends so a bunch of friends have organised a memorial service for him. It's at a place we all used to go together.
My other sil (my dh sister ) was going to baby sit for us but her dp had a pretty horrific accident this week, he has been in hospital and has had surgery.

We organised with my brother and sil to have my dc instead, I explained the circumstances - friend passing away and bils accident, and said we might not need them but seeing as bil was in hospital we probably would.
Sil (my brothers wife) later called and said dn had overheard the conversation and could we send our dc to them anyway even if dps sister and bil db want to babysit, so as not to disappoint the dns.
I said that they probably wouldn't be able to and left it at that.

Sorry, I know this is long.

Later on in the evening dps sister called and said they're out of hospital and that they're really looking forward to having our dc, bil thinks they will cheer him up.

I txt my brothers wife to explain and apologise, we have plans this weekend any way so we can still see them.
Sil then replies saying we should disappoint sil and bil as they can understand more, and that she is annoyed because she has to be the one to break it to the Dns. She made it clear she was pissed off.

To which I asked her to give me a break, I said my friend has just died, That a missed sleep over is hardly the end of the world. I pointed out that I didn't make fuss when she doesn't meet up with us, and my dc had to deal with it because that's life. I also said that I can't please every one all the time.

Brother then texts to say that he doesn't mind my dc not going over, but my texts were rude, unnecessary and uncalled for, again he made it pretty clear he was pissed off.
So as not to drop feed I have anxiety problems and do have issues with doubting myself and overthinking things.

Which is why I need your help MN, Aibu ? Or are my brother and sil overreacting and making a mountain out of a molehill ?

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 17/07/2014 14:45

they are bu. You were clear that it wasn't definite from the start. and fgs life is full of disappointment, dns need to get used to it.

TooBloodyHot · 17/07/2014 14:47

Thanks tobys, yes I feel the same way about the disappointment thing.

OP posts:
redexpat · 17/07/2014 14:51

They ABU. Selfish cunts.

puntasticusername · 17/07/2014 14:51

From what you've said, it doesn't sound as if YABU. So your SIL is happy to blow you off at short notice for trivial reasons when it suits her, but can't hack you changing arrangements on her for GOOD reasons? Screw that...

puntasticusername · 17/07/2014 14:53

Especially when you'd been clear from the beginning that the arrangement you wanted to make with her was only tentative...

puntasticusername · 17/07/2014 14:54

Ps I hope your BIL continues to recover well Thanks

Lottiedoubtie · 17/07/2014 14:54

Yep it's them, not you!

Truth hurts that's why they didnt like your texts. Just try and focus on yourself/your family at this time.

Flowers sorry for your loss.

TooBloodyHot · 17/07/2014 14:59

Thank you. bil is doing really well considering. I am just shocked at their reaction really, I can't believe how insensitive they're being.

OP posts:
CheeryName · 17/07/2014 15:05

Blimey. What an unfeeling couple! I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope this all blows over so you can focus on the memorial. It sounds like your SIL has one rule for her and one for everyone else. I think you'd be best having a proper chat though not just texts even though they are handy sometimes. Hope your BIL is better soon.

Legionofboom · 17/07/2014 15:19

From what you've said it sounds as if your brother and sil are making a big deal over this especially after cancelling meetings so often before.

However, without meaning to sound harsh, how can we possibly know if the way you worded your texts was rude or not?

TooBloodyHot · 17/07/2014 15:23

You don't sound rude at all legion, I suppose you can't really unless I copy exactly what I said, the example I gave in my op was pretty spot on tbh, although it reads better than that.
I agree a conversation would be better, but have been in and out of meetings today so didn't have the time to call.

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 17/07/2014 15:29

Oh dear, you must have missed the memo that the world revolves around them not anyone else. Seriously though you are not being U in the slightest.

I think however they were worded a) if it was a bit harsh was probably warranted and b) they should cut OP a bit of slack considering the circumstances.

Sorry for your loss OP Thanks

WallyBantersJunkBox · 17/07/2014 15:36

Sorry about your friend.Thanks

They are BU, but if it's that much of a rigmarole for her to tell DNs a play date has been moved by a few days (until they have forgotten about it anyway) then I would call DNs myself and say "so sorry my DCs will come and play another time" I bet they wouldn't blink an eyelid.

TooBloodyHot · 17/07/2014 16:32

I am really disappointed in my brother tbh, sil has always been very self obsessed but db has always been more grounded and thoughtful.
Thanks everyone for the Thanks

OP posts:
TooBloodyHot · 18/07/2014 06:57

Well it looks like my sil has been lying to my brother about what I said to him, I phoned him to sort it out and explained how insensitive she had been given the circumstances. She told him I had brought up lots of things she had done in the past to piss me off Hmm and had a big ranty go at her by txt.

I am really disappointed tbh, he seems to think its a bit funny that us "girls" have had a tiff. I offered to send him the texts to prove that I didn't do anything like that and he said no.
I am quite pissed of now actually.

OP posts:
GloriousGoosebumps · 18/07/2014 09:34

I’d send him the texts anyway. Human nature being what it is, he’ll probably read them. In any event, he’ll know you must be telling the truth or you wouldn’t have forwarded the texts.

Littlef00t · 18/07/2014 10:07

Ha I can see how she's twisted your texts, 'we don't complain when you cancel on us' is suddenly you sticking the knife in and giving it a good twist rather than defending your decision.

She shouldn't have even mentioned to your dn as you stated it wasn't guaranteed.

ohfourfoxache · 18/07/2014 11:27

Yes, send the texts anyway.

They sound like self obsessed arseholes tbh Sad

pictish · 18/07/2014 11:36

Send those texts anyway.
I am infuriated on your behalf. I have known people like this before too - think nothing of treating you as disposable themselves, but then get all up in arms when they think they're being subjected to the same.
Makes me think of this....

Are my brother and sil u or am I ?
TooBloodyHot · 07/08/2014 20:11

Thanks for all your support, you actually made me feel a lot better, it was my first Aibu and I was a bit wary about posting, but I am glad I did now.
I could use this username on my phone and my iPad had to be fixed so I haven't been able to update - not that there is much to say.
Sil seems to think we had words but everything is ok, as does brother. Hmm
I haven't sent any of the texts, tbh I think my brother is too spineless to do anything about it anyway, I think he would rather bury his head in the sand than grow a pair and actually say anything. She has always been "high maintenance" anyway and as a family we put up with a lot of bullshit from her, my parents get fed up with it but keep quiet to keep my brother happy. Sh can be lovely sometimes and we really get on, then she just switches and behaves like this.
I think they would rather I just forgot about it as they don't want it to come between us all.

So that's that, a very boring up date.
Thanks again for your support, it meant a lot at a very tough time. My friend had a lovely send off and bil is doing really well.
Thanks

OP posts:
mewkins · 07/08/2014 20:16

All they need to do is suggest another sleepover date a week or so later and tell the kids. Children don't really remember dates etc and will still have something to look forward to. Your brother and sil are making this into an issue that it's really not.

TooBloodyHot · 07/08/2014 20:20

I know I know, such a fuss about nothing. I really hate being pulled in to things like this, it's all just so petty, and it sets off my anxiety. I have decided to keep my distance a bit tbh, I really can't be bothered with the extra hassle.

OP posts:
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