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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to knock neighbours door

16 replies

howtoapproachthis · 17/07/2014 09:20

lived across road for a few years and never really met them except once saw mum in the shop and she said hi. i never realised they had another baby (they have older children) but saw a toddler today - they must have not been out at all much the last couple of years because i am out and about multiple times each day and have not seen them or this baby once, i don't think they have been away but you never know. should i knock the door (i have a 3 year old) and invite the mum for coffee and play (incase she has been locked away with PND or something) or would that just be totally weird since they don't know me at all.

OP posts:
bleurghblah · 17/07/2014 09:21

Knocking the door would be weird but if you are worried you could always fabricate a reason like you have had a parcel delivered but don't know to which house?

londonrach · 17/07/2014 09:22

Go for it. What's the worse that can happen her saying no. You sound like a lovely neighbour x

itsahen · 17/07/2014 09:23

I am with London on this

SarcyMare · 17/07/2014 09:26

yep with London to.

Cluffyflump · 17/07/2014 09:28

Do it.
It's not in any way weird.
You could phrase it like she would be doing you a favour by coming round Thanks

SaucyJack · 17/07/2014 09:28

If this is the first time you've ever seen the kid, isn't it more likely that she's simply babysitting- rather than having a secret baby locked up with her in the house?

coolaschmoola · 17/07/2014 09:30

I don't think it's weird at all! What IS weird IMO is the insular lives we live now and the decline of community.

Go, knock, say hi I noticed we have little ones of a similar age and thought it might be nice for them to have a friend in the street to play with (like I and everyone is know had in the 80's) so would you like to pop for coffee and play on such a day?

It's times like this I miss Army life.

DoJo · 17/07/2014 10:12

I don't think it's weird at all! What IS weird IMO is the insular lives we live now and the decline of community.

I might have agreed with you until I had overly intrusive neighbours who simply could not and would not leave us alone. We had shared access through our gardens, so we were constantly being drawn into their rows, involved in their family dramatics and asked personal questions with absolutely no sense of boundaries. There were a number of other overly concerned neighbours in the same area, and we were frequently interrogated about things that were none of their damn business (why were you at the doctors the other day? Was that your friend that came round in that fancy car? Who was that man in your living room?!) and discussed amongst themselves as well.

Since we have moved, we are on polite smiling and saying 'hi' terms with our immediate neighbours and I feel as though a burden has been lifted!

Original poster
howtoapproachthis · 17/07/2014 10:17

thanks. its definitely their dc as they are not from here! her partner is home from work today (trust me im not stalking i can see in their living room today usually the curtains are shut!!) so i will not disturb them, but another day i am free i think i will call round and just say ive noticed you have a little girl and was wondering if you are not busy and are interested in coming round for a while this afternoon as im not up to much, i can put the kettle on - something like that!! hopefully i could catch her if she goes outside and it won't look too weird. i just don't like to think of her struggling. maybe she is totally fine in which case no problem i will go my way but at least ill have made an effort. if i was bored with my dd i think i would go totally crazy. plus it would be nice for me if i had a friend close by!

OP posts:
Original poster
howtoapproachthis · 17/07/2014 10:21

dojo oh i am totally not that kind of person trust me! i usually don't talk much to neighbours, more like hi and bye all year unless we catch each other outside and then a bit of small talk, nothing personal. i can usually judge if someone wants the chat or not and my nature is not intrusive - quite the opposite. i will bear that in mind. i think my intentions are just to see if she IS struggling and wants someone to reach out. hopefully i will be able to judge the response!

OP posts:
kinkyfuckery · 17/07/2014 10:26

I think it would be a lovely gesture.
If you've barely seen them out, or the curtains open, I wonder if there's a chance she's been feeling down (PND maybe?) and in that case a friendly face and chance for her DD to play might be just what she needs Smile

saoirse31 · 17/07/2014 10:59

I read it as knock down the neighbours door.. so thread is different than expected!! You sound lovely op, go for it

DoJo · 17/07/2014 23:07

Sorry OP - I wasn't implying that your intentions were in any way intrusive or creepy, just that I can understand why people feel a bit awkward about approaching their neighbours - one bad experience can make you worry that you are inviting that into your life, or even that you ARE that neighbour! Sure you aren't though, OP - you sound lovely, and I agree that if you can find a way to make it a no-pressure offer then she will probably really appreciate it.

Nottinghill1 · 17/07/2014 23:22

Could be a child they've adopted possibly??

WorraLiberty · 17/07/2014 23:25

its definitely their dc as they are not from here!

What does that mean?

Happy36 · 17/07/2014 23:29

I think that's totally fine and a lovely thing to do for all concerned! I would definitely knock if it were me and I were her I'd love to be knocked on.

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