To think my mother should but the hell out of MY MARRIAGE

[Spanielpuppy]

Sorry v long

My husband, ds (14months) and dog have temp moved in with my mum and her partner. Whilst we have major building work done on our house.

We were all sitting down earlier on the sofa watching the box. When I got up to sort the pooch out dh asked for a drink (which i didn't hear) so I when I sat back down without said drink he questioned it. I apologised and said get your own drink. To which he joking replied that's what I've got you for. After bout 40mins of watching the crap that is the TV ( and dh annoyingly smacking chewing gum a habit he developed after he quit smoking so although v irritating I let slide). I got up to get us both a drink. Mum was in the kitchen and was completely horrified I was getting dh a drink! Moaned about the gum smacking noise, huffed and puffed around the kitchen. Before proclaiming that she was going upstairs. She would normally say goodnight to both of us. And give some kind of instruction don't forget to lock door etc. her partner also just disappeared without a word.

I then receive a text saying nite, how old is she 6?

I'm now sat in bed, feeling like I've been sent to my room. (Dh completely unaware)

Should she but out?? Why can't I get him a drink? He didn't bark the order at me? Aibu??

I'm so ð??¡ð??¡ð??¡ð??¡ then I'm ð??¡ð??¡ð??¡ for feeling ð??¡ð??¡.

Please help

Well I would have to kill him for noisy gum chewing. Can't bear it.

Yanbu, if you are happy to do it she should definitely not give her opinion.

If you are staying in your mother's home you might want to think about how your family behaves and perhaps be a little more discreet than usual?

I think you sound like your both a bit tired. She hasn't really done anything outrageous. Perhaps her text was a way of making peace.
Have a good nights sleep and forget about it. It's hard sharing your space.

It's not your marriage it's her house. The gum would make me want to bury him under the patio, I'm afraid.

sounds like she's in a bit of a huff. Maybe she is feeling her home is invaded or maybe it's something unrelated. See how she is after a sleep.

But your husband must stop the gum smacking! It sounds horrible and your mum's not his wife so shouldn't have to "put up with it".

None of that sounds bad just the usual stresses of family being forced to live together. Just suck it up for now and remember it is tough on everyone.

I think you are both not being unreasonable.

It can be very hard having to share your home with another family no matter how close you are.

I'd of had to mention the gum though, it's like nails on a blackboard to me.

Probably your mum didn't like the idea of you having to wait on your husband - even if it was supposed to be a joke. She might have got it wrong but I think she was trying to stand up for you.

Oh God the gum smacking thing... you need to tell him it gets on everyone's tits.

I find my brother's boyfriend an irritating twat at the best of times but wouldn't bother my bro by telling him... but then if they lived with us. Shudder.

It's not the first time she has butted in. She constantly digs at him, always criticising something. I genuinely feel like she is trying to break up our marriage.

Her relationship isn't perfect I cringe at the way she speaks and bosses her dp around. But never say anything, she sits there grinding her teeth but nothing is ever said.

I know it's an intrusion on them and tempers are going to become shorter.

But your prob right I'll let it slide be more considerate. Oh and tell dh again to stop doing something that annoys my mother

The gum is a touchy subject has I've been on at him for months to quit smoking, now that he has I'm yet again moaning at him. He has done well to go cold turkey.

How do I bring up with out making the situation worse.

I feel like im stuck damned if I do damned if I don't.

Thankfully ds and pooch are behaving v well

If you want her to butt the hell out of your marriage you should get your arses out of her house. Then you and your husband can get on each other's nerves rather than just hers.

I'd have strangled your husband for the gum thing rather than tactfully taking myself off to bed, sorry

Well that's a helpful and diplomatic response.

I'm asking for help? With the situation how do I talk to dh about it without it being an issue.

If I was helping someone out by offering them hospitality and then realised that they were liable to be spending their evenings in my sitting room noisily chomping gum, I can see that I'd be feeling extremely tense. And I'd be equally tense if my dd as his wife was not only letting him do it but also waiting on him. So I can really see how this one made her boil over.

There may well be other reasons for thinking that your mother is interfering, but I don't think she was in this instance.

I'll put it more politely then.
they arre doing you a big favour.
You and particularly your DH are their guests. He should be bending over backwards to be polite and helpful-not sitting there getting on everyone's nerves smacking gum.
Its not up to your Mum to comment on your marriage and tell you what to do but I can understand why she took herself off to bed.
How much longer are you staying there-I don't think it will be much fun for anybody.
Are you paying rent or just bills?

It's only been two days out of a possible two weeks. Not paying rent but contributing to shopping and cleaning etc

I will have a word with him, as he is snoring completely unaware of what he has caused!

It's going to be a stressful time trying to make sure the baby dog and now a grown man behave. Maybe really would be better living in the chaos of a building site or at his parents.

What have I let myself in for ??????

Feeling completely overwhelmed

Thank you for your comments

I'd remind him you are guests. Is there a TV in your room? If so pretend you want to watch something different and go to your room more often?
Two weeks isn't long-can you go out a lot at the weekend.
It sounds tense-perhaps your Mum isn't too fond of your husband and perhaps, if she shouts at her partner a lot, she likes having things her own way-but your DH is definitely not doing himself any favours and is fueling her fire.
Feel sorry for you stuck in the middle-sounds as if they both push you around a bit.
Two weeks will soon pass.

My mum does the opposite! We both currently work f/t and you can she is aghast when my husband cooks a meal or does anything around the house. She's also made none too subtle remarks about "men looking elsewhere if they're not happy at home".

So no, YANBU but you coul dhave it worse!

Gum smacking is vile. I once spent a day sitting next to someone on a training course who chewed and smacked loudly all day and it made me feel sick and homicidal.

I chew gum sometimes. I do it quietly. No smacking, open mouth, slurping, vileness. Apart from a slight movement no one would know I'm chewing anything. Can't your DH be polite about it?

Does your DH in the way of helping'? For instance, washing up, beating the rugs outside, sweeping paths? I bet you do the helping and he just sits there.

Hate gum and the noise teenagers make (never knew grown up chewed gum). Sorry with your mother there. Yes she shouldn't interfered. Does your dh help like washing up etc. how long you all going to live together. Not a easy situation.

Difficult situation, OP. Much sympathy.

Just wondering: do you feel a little like your DH is another child sometimes, or that you have to tip-toe around him at all? Hope you don't mind my asking - just wondered because of how him giving up smoking (presumably for his health and that of your DC?) required you to nag him?

Sounds like you were both getting on her wick to be honest. It's her house...YABU. But I do sympathise that you find yourself in this situation.