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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite worried about my friend.. WWYD?

15 replies

YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 14:09

This is the same friend I posted about a while back.

Her partner left her at the weekend stating he was never happy, hadn't been for a long time, Didn't love her, packed up all of his stuff and left. He'd been lying to her for months, staying over half the week, having dinner etc. She was devastated.

The issue is she was with someone for three years previously and had a child with him, she then went straight from that ex to this recent ex and was with him for a year so she's had 4 years of being with someone. I told her she needs to take time to figure out who she is and just be single. Look after her DS and just take some time to be on her own.

Well the day after her ex left her she was on dating sites, talking to everyone and anyone and giving her mobile number out.

I'm getting worried cause she was speaking with a guy for less than 24 hours when she gave out her mobile number and her home address so he could come round the next day when her DS was asleep. They spoke on the phone an hour the night before and he was telling her he was horny etc Thankfully and much to her dismay he didn't contact her all day and I made sure she stayed with me to long after their arranged time to meet just in case but he didn't come round.

Me and my DP are getting worried, she hates being single and alone so would rather be with someone but she's going to get herself used and abused by these men who just wants sex and who may not take no for an answer.

I don't know what to do to make her slow down! AIBU to want her to just stop for a while and be alone, I don't want her to get hurt by anyone and I do want her to be happy but I don't know what I can do to make her realise she's jepadising her and her DS's safety

OP posts:
Lilaclily · 16/07/2014 14:11

You can only advise though
You can't stop her sadly

Marylou62 · 16/07/2014 14:21

You cant get her to slow down! I have a dearly loved friend who is just like this....she picked up a hitchhiker who moved in! it is only now...in her 40s and a granny, that she is happy being single. She admits I and other friends were right but needed the chase/love/sex/company. All you can do is be there when it does end....

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 14:22

I just don't know what to say to her.

I've advised her that she needs to take extra precaution, she has a young DS, lives alone and anything could happen.

She knows I spoke to my DP for two weeks before he even got my mobile number then another two weeks before I even met him. He completely understood and any decent man would

OP posts:
Marylou62 · 16/07/2014 14:27

And I know you are worried about her DC but my friends kids turned out ok and were never physically harmed by any of her BFs...emotionally..that is different. One of her DDs is following the same pattern...one is very straight....but there is really nothing you can do...I tried to talk to her for years but it is her life...just be there.

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 14:30

But they may be hurt, she may get raped. She's not even being slightly carefual about it she's just throwing herself around hoping something will stick.

OP posts:
Marylou62 · 16/07/2014 14:31

I know Yousay....NOTHING I said made a difference.....I am very boring..been married for 24 years.....You cant change her....just keep giving safety advice.....

Nancy66 · 16/07/2014 14:33

There are some people who just cannot be alone and for whom having a bloke is the single most important thing - above and beyond the welfare of their children.

Sounds like your mate is one of them.

Marylou62 · 16/07/2014 14:34

We even had a big row once...and she made it clear that I was to butt out...it is her life and you can't stop this pattern...I know it is hard...could you offer to have her DS so at least you know he's safe?

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 14:35

She only had her DS because her ex wanted a child she always said she never wanted them and if she could turn back time she wouldn't Sad

I have no doubts that she loves the bones of her DS though

OP posts:
orangefusion · 16/07/2014 14:39

There is nothing you can do to stop her. Tread carefully because if she starts to think you disapprove or are judging her she might try to hide it from you and she is safer with you knowing about who she is seeing and when than being secretive about it.

Some people just cannot bear the pain of being alone. She will do it her way with or without your approval.

SaucyJack · 16/07/2014 14:47

YANBU to be genuinely concerned if you think she's putting herself and her child at risk. I don't btw. Online dating is perfectly normal these days.

The rest of it just sounds bitchy tbh. I think anyone in a LTR commenting negatively on single women (or men!) wanting a relationship has a bit of a fecking nerve. If being single and "finding who you really are" is such an important thing to do, why don't you leave your partner and do it?

It's not a crime to want a boyfriend or even sex.

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 14:53

I was single for four years before I got with my DP I found out who I was, what I wanted from someone.

She has already told me she doesn't want to be alone hence spending 3 years unhappy with someone as hell.

Giving your address out after less than 24 hours is putting yourself and your child at risk

OP posts:
Marylou62 · 16/07/2014 19:34

Yes I agree Yousay, but there is still nothing you can do...She never saw any danger and actually some of her BF were great. We are all different, have different priorities and she does things that I would never do...but she is funny, fun, a good mum and I love her.

KnackeredMuchly · 16/07/2014 19:43

I think it's awful inviting a man you know nothing about into your family home whilst your little boy sleeps.

Yanbu OP, not got a clue what you can do about it though. I agree with the pp - offer to have her DS so at least you know he's safe.

Original poster
YouSayBelloISayPoppaye · 16/07/2014 21:39

She doesn't want me to have him. I offered though

OP posts:
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