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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my house to be nice even if we don't own it

33 replies

ChristmasYoni · 16/07/2014 12:26

DP is in a mood with me because I've ordered new flooring for the hallway, I'm paying for it with my own money from a bingo win as it has been bugging me since we moved in.
The house is a housing association house and when we moved in we painted the kitchen, bedrooms and skirting boards etc. I wallpapered the living room and bedrooms myself and gradually made it home. The hall floor desperately needed doing, it was bare tiles and I covered it with a sticky vinyl floor from poundland until we could afford something better and now he is complaining that I am spending too much money to make the house nice when we don't own it.

The way I see it, this is our home and I want to to look and feel like that. I'm not investing a huge amount of money because we simply don't have it but I don't want to leave it looking awful simply because he doesn't feel it's our duty to 'upgrade and invest money' in someone else's property.
We have no plans to move in the near future, I love my house although when I have finished university and secured a job I expect we will be saving a deposit for our own home. Until then, aibu to spend 'my' money making it look presentable because I know trying to discuss it with him to do it from our savings will just give him reason to complain about everything he hates in this house and how I should call the housing association and ask them to do it for us (e.g he wants a new kitchen, there is nothing wrong with the one we have just not to our taste and he thinks they will replace it with a simple
Phonecall!)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 16/07/2014 12:32

I never understand attitudes like his.

Even if you did own the house, some upgrading would be fone every few years, so very little is a long term investment.

Very few renovations etc add value to a house, so I think you should spend money on what you want, would like.

I planned on moving from my HA house, but then went through a period of illness and extended sick leave, which ate into my finances, so have decided to stay, so I'm spending a lot on getting the garden done, so I can enjoy my home (which is relatively cheap to live in), whilst I'm here.

Birdsgottafly · 16/07/2014 12:35

Just to add, if I had of owed my own house, I may have been repossessed, whereas I know whatever happens I can stay where I am.

There is real security in a HA tenancy.

We had lost our house when my DH passed away from Cancer, as did most of the people in the support group I attended.

Original poster
ChristmasYoni · 16/07/2014 12:37

Sorry to hear that birds. Glad someone agrees with me though, why live in somewhere you can't enjoy?

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 16/07/2014 12:38

I think your DP's attitude is a silly one to take when you live in social housing. You could be there for fifty-odd years- there's no reason not to do it up to your tastes while you're living there. No one else will gain from your work- equally you're only spiting yourself by not doing it.

It's completely different to a private rental where the landlord could sell it from under you once you've paid to tart up his house for him.

DiaDuit · 16/07/2014 12:42

NU op. i am a private tenant and could be classed a having no security beyond 2 months notice but i'm still doing little bits to keep my home in a good state of repair and to a nice standard (which it wasnt in when i moved in).

HavantGuard · 16/07/2014 12:45

You have a secure tenancy. It makes total sense to make it the home you want it to be.

Chunderella · 16/07/2014 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JimmyCorkhill · 16/07/2014 12:49

I agree with you. We rent (from friends so have some freedom re: decorating) . We could save cash and be miserable looking at grotty carpets and walls, or we could improve them and enjoy our time here. We try to make improvements we can take with us (curtains, cushions etc) but painting the walls in colours we chose makes it feel like our home. We can't take it with us but we can take the memories of enjoying our home with us. I also look on it as practice for when we get our own place!

AlleyCat11 · 16/07/2014 12:56

It's essential that a place feels like home. We're renting a flat in the city centre & it's taking ages to improve the look of it. We can't really change much, but I know I'll feel much more settled once I've put my stamp on it. My fella agrees that it's worth the few quid if it means we'll be happy here.

MyUsernameIsPants · 16/07/2014 12:57

I would do it OP.

I'm in a private rental and I would love to renew the flooring in the hall way (beige carpet. Nightmare to keep clean) but I won't spend a couple of hundred pounds when I could be served notice at anytime and have to leave in 2 months.

I know a few people in council/HA properties and they've spent money and time making the house lovely. You could be there years before you save up enough money for a deposit to buy.

Go for it.

Sicaq · 16/07/2014 13:13

I've done it, and had the same response. I fitted curtain rails as the flat had none. I've also fixed loose locks on windows. I do sort of resent having to pay myself, but LL wouldn't pay and I wanted privacy and safety at least whilst I lived there.

If the floor desperately needed doing then really the owner should have paid, but the reality is often very different. I'm pragmatic about this stuff.

SillyTillyTilly · 16/07/2014 13:19

Yanbu. As long as the original (not sticky) tiles weren't those nice old fashioned tiles that could have just been spruced up

StatisticallyChallenged · 16/07/2014 13:19

Around here you would have no choice but to spend money on doing up social housing -they rip up any flooring left by previous tenants so it's always bare rough floorboards. A ha or council tenancy is totally different to private and ime it's totally normal to spend money on them and make them home

Pumpkinpositive · 16/07/2014 13:20

My mum has been in her council flat 22 years. In that time, she's had a new kitchen and bathroom put in, and new flooring throught the place. It looks like a show house.

Obviously you're not intending to stay in yours for that length of time but it has to be habitable and pleasant to live in for the duration, the length of which you can't exactly predict right now.

YANBU.

gamerchick · 16/07/2014 13:27

I'm council and have spent a fortune in the years I've been in one. It's going to take another couple of years before its recovered from all the rewiring, new boiler, kitchen and bathroom they did in one month but I'll be here for many years yet.. I want to enjoy it.

MonterayJack · 16/07/2014 14:14

I'm in a HA flat and had it painted and carpeted throughout and bought loads of plants for the balcony, had nice blinds put up etc. I think of it as 'my' home, even though it obviously isn't. I want to feel at home in it though. I've been here 5 years and can't see myself being in a financial position to leave any time soon.

It's hard enough getting actual repairs done let alone getting something replaced on the basis you don't like it. The chances of your DH ringing up the HA and being told he can have a new kitchen is as remote as package holiday to Saturn. Unless the kitchen is in a dreadful and unfit state, that is.

They did assessments around our estate recently to see who would get re-furbs in the near future. I was told I was in the middle - ie some things had been updated over the years but some like the bathroom, storage heating etc was the original put in 50 years ago. I've been told there's a lot of people who will be prioritised before me who have the original of everything. Hopefully it will be done within 3 years. Somehow I doubt it though as that was what I was told 5 years ago!

Meanwhile, like you, I want to enjoy my home and feel comfortable in it. Go for it. As long as you're not spending a fortune on things you can't take with you when you go, then I don't think YABU at all.

CallMeExhausted · 16/07/2014 15:48

We are in a rental house (just passed the 3 year mark) and make this house like our own.

We have painted the children's bedrooms, I did a large tile job in the entry hall, replaced the carpet in the only room that was carpeted and done a massive overhaul on the gardens.

It is a private rental, and we also handle all small repairs on our own. We hope to live here as long as possible, we love the house, the LL seems to like us, and she could never sell it for what she bought it for at the height of the market.

If you have a secure tenancy, I think you are totally reasonable to make the home your own, particularly if the floor is in disrepair - it is not particularly safe.

As for your DH, it is your money - he really has no say in how it is used. It isn't coming out of the budget, so won't be affecting him. All he will be getting is the benefit of your investment. You are the kind of tenant that is very desirable, your DH, not so much...

chrome100 · 16/07/2014 16:04

I'm kind of with your DP.

I too live in rented accommodation and would never spend money on upgrading it because who knows when you are going to get your notice to leave? Pot plants, ornaments, photos - that's all fine, but I wouldn't do anything that you can't take with you.

SaucyJack · 16/07/2014 16:08

You are the kind of tenant that is very desirable, your DH, not so much...

To be on the OP's partner- this isn't true when you live in social housing. The absolute vast majority of councils and HAs take no interest or involvement whatsover in decor/floor coverings/curtains/yadda yadda, or maintenance of such between tenants. As long as you keep the place clean and don't damage the fabric of the building they really won't care less whether you have Poundland tiles, bespoke oak flooring or nothing at all. Not least because they'll most likely rip it out for the next tenant anyway.

As I said earlier- the only person who will be affected by the Op (not) fitting decent flooring will be her and her partner.

SloanePeterson · 16/07/2014 16:10

I'm a private tenant and have always made my house my home. What wouldn't you when you're the one who has to live there? I spent quite a lot this year painting the sheds and fences, and it didn't bother me a jot because I get enjoyment from my lovely garden every single day. Yanbu at all.

SaucyJack · 16/07/2014 16:11

*fair

HavantGuard · 16/07/2014 16:14

Chrome, that's true of private rentals but not HA properties.

HavantGuard · 16/07/2014 16:17

With assured tenancy you can keep the property for life as long as you pay the rent, don't use it for crime and don't engage in anti social behaviour.

NapoleonsNose · 16/07/2014 16:18

We live in a HA home and have spent money putting in a new kitchen, shower, flooring, doors and painted it to our taste. We have also landscaped the back garden. We could never afford to move from here in a million years so we treat it exactly as we would our own home. I cannot understand why you wouldn't want to make it nice to live in, unless you were only planning on staying a short time. Carry on OP and don't feel guilty.

I also agree with saucyjack - if you move, the HA will rip it all out anyway. Friends of ours left behind a beautiful cream wool carpet that was in immaculate condition, but it all ended up in the skip when the HA came to make the house ready for the next tenant. They also really don't care what you do internally. Neighbours have knocked walls down and blocked up doors, all with full permission from the HA.

TheIronGnome · 16/07/2014 16:27

It's like anything- it's worth however much you want to spend on it! As long as you can afford it, why shouldn't you spend out a bit on it! Its your home, it's nice to feel like you're somewhere really lovely and able to enjoy the space you live in.

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