To not know what the fuck to do or say

[CrohnicallyDepressed]

A family member has had some bad health news today. It's not the worst (yet) but it could be iykwim. She suffers from anxiety and depression anyway (she's on meds for this), so after this news she's in a bit of a state.

I'm going round tomorrow so she's not on her own all day, but I really don't know what to say that won't make her feel any worse. Everything I try out in my head either sounds fake/insincere or runs the risk of making her anxiety worse, or just sounds plain stupid.

Sit with her and make her a cup of tea?

Sometimes there are no words.

Sorry

Then don't say anything.

Turn up with fish and chips, M&Ms and some movies/comedy.

Just be there.

She'll probably be aware that you don't know what to say. Just let her talk if she wants. Let her know you're there if she needs a chat, company or support. Good luck.

Yeah if you can just be there that will be tons more than most people will manage. Tell her you're sorry, and whatever she wants to talk about go with it.
(I remember when I was having miscarriages, immediately after I wanted people to talk about other things with me, and was only months after that I wanted to talk about the actual miscarriage by which time my allotted grieving time was over! You know yourself what you need when you're grieving, but someone who can give you it is pure gold.)

I think instead of it being the elephant in the room you should say 'I'm really sorry about you news, would you like to talk about it?' That then gives her the option to say yes please or actually that's the last thing I want to talk about. Let her take the lead and just do your best

Be honest and tell her you dont know what to say. When I suffered a bereavement I preferred this than people not saying anything.

Thanks guys. Think I will be stopping off at the shop for a big bar of her favourite chocolate and then I'll ask her if she wants to talk or not.

Unfortunately there'll also be a pair of small children running around, so movie choice is restricted to Frozen, Frozen or Frozen.

There's nothing you can say really. Just be there & acknowledge that it's sh#t. Your relative won't want to hear platitudes or stories about x who had it worse or y who's now completely cured. Just be there, that will mean more than anything

Just say "I have no idea what to say to you, but if there's anything at all I can do, or bring, or arrange, to help you through this, please just say so. I love you"