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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to want a friend to visit me at work

26 replies

mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 18:56

Friend coming from afar for a visit and we are going for dinner.

"Where shall we meet?" says I, as I am working till 5pm.
"I'll meet you at your work." They say.

I declined as I have to be a totally different person at work and don't want to mix business with pleasure. It's a very private business and not open to the public.

I recommended the train station 5ins walk away which they'd arrive at anyway which gives me time to throw on a pair of jeans and get out of my work clothes and come see them.

Said friend is very put out as 'I am pushing them away even though they travelled 100 miles to see me.'

AIBU to think that is melodramatic and that the train station is a far better place to meet anyway?

OP posts:
Happy36 · 15/07/2014 18:58

You are not being unreasonable. Stick to your guns.

Make sure the meeting place is clear and specific and give her instructions to help her find it easily. Also ensure that you arrive on time.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 15/07/2014 19:06

Is there a back story to this re: friend?

YANBU btw.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/07/2014 19:09

They are being nosey and want to have a good snoop around your workplace.

CMOTDibbler · 15/07/2014 19:11

I wouldn't want people coming to my workplace either

HecatePropylaea · 15/07/2014 19:11

Pushing them away from what? A building that members of the public are not allowed into? They aren't coming to nosy round your workplace, they're coming to have dinner with you. They don't need to see where you work for that. Do you think it's just that they are curious about where you work?

tbh, after you describing it the way you have - so am I! Grin

maninawomansworld · 15/07/2014 19:16

Tell friends that they are not welcome at your workplace. If you want, you can just say it's company rules that non employees are not allowed on site.
No discussion - that's how it is, meet at train station.

movingtoourwillow · 15/07/2014 19:20

YANBU, I think it's fair enough that you want to meet her at the station.

Agree with maninawomansworld - put the blame on company policy, then she can't accuse you of wanting to keep her away...

RevoltingPeasant · 15/07/2014 19:20

You know the culture at your workplace best. It would be fine where I work, but if it would go down badly or compromise confidentiality in some way, don't.

Also that response would annoy me. Work is serious, people who don't take it seriously risk being fired, and if you tell someone something is not appropriate where you work, they should accept it and not make PA comments and whinge.

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:24

Friend had a history of being invasive.

Luckily when I was getting to the end of my tether with it he moved away for work Wink

I feel terrible as this is the first time he has been around this year and I haven't exactly rolled out the red carpet. I'm skint because its mid school holiday and I have uniform to pay for/broken dishwasher to pay for etc

I'd never have him to stay and I know that rankles with him. DP is very patient but just doesn't like him.

I'm putting money on him showing up at my work anyway even though I've explicitly said 'TRAIN STATION'.
The excuse will be that he thought he was doing me a favour by being closer.

It annoys me that I know that this is how it's going to play out but no matter what I want he's going to go ahead and do it anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:27

To be honest workplace wouldn't have an issue with it as such- that is my issue. I deal with high value clients and so I'm at their disposal and don't need any distractions.

If I ignored him whilst dealing with a client then he'd be put out.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:27

FYI I am not a prostitute. I just re-read that and it comes across as 'brothel' Grin

OP posts:
Happy36 · 15/07/2014 19:28

Is he in love with you?

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 15/07/2014 19:29

Can see why your DP doesn't like him.

Do you like him? Or is he someone you feel a sense of duty towards?

The $50,000 question - does he see you as potentially more than a friend?

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:29

Oh no he is as gay as Judy Garland!!

OP posts:
Happy36 · 15/07/2014 19:30

Fair enough, apologies, but he does seem rather possessive of you.

patienceisvirtuous · 15/07/2014 19:32

Haha mrsc it totally came across as brothel. Lol.

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:33

I'm not sure if possessive is the right word. It might be though. There's a lot of 'Hiya Bestie!!!! '

He cried when I had Dd because he knew that was the end of my wild partying days (which by that point were thin on the ground as he was a student and I was knee deep in mortgage)

OP posts:
GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 15/07/2014 19:34

I thought Law Firm but then I am a naive and innocent young girl Wink.

BlinkAndMiss · 15/07/2014 19:35

Your friend sounds quite high maintenance - I don't think I have any friends who wouldn't be understanding of my work. Is he always this controlling? I think I'd be avoiding him!

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 15/07/2014 19:35

Confused it's all about him then! Is he a good friend, asks about how you're doing, there for you etc, or is he a me me me man?

WiggleGinger · 15/07/2014 19:36

YANBU

is there any chance at all you can finish work earlier?
I'd go well out of my way to make sure I was on that platform
When he got in. He sounds a real handful!

WallyBantersJunkBox · 15/07/2014 19:37

You told them you were head of MI5 didn't you? Smile

YANBU

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:37

I don't think he means to be controlling, I think he might not be very sharp on social norms.

Wish I was a high flying lawyer! Jeweller unfortunately. Always have rubbish nails.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 15/07/2014 19:37

I'd have told him to meet me at a pub somewhere nearby and text me when he gets there.

Original poster
mrscumberbatch · 15/07/2014 19:38

Haha I shouldn't have spilled the beans- should've kept folk guessing. The guesses were getting better and better Wink

OP posts: