To be getting a bit irritated with this friend

[headdesk]

And I'm unsure how to deal with it.
I try my hardest to be there for friends when they need me. I work long unsociable hours which means I need to sleep for a good portion of the day time to function properly. (I need my sleep!).
Anyway, after one particularly exhausting shift I got into bed and after about an hours sleep I get a phone call from my friend in tears, her dp had broken up with her, so she comes over and basically spends the next three hours in tears. I'm trying to comfort her and offer sympathy while trying to keep my eyes open.

They broke up a month ago now, after being together 4 months. I know it's hard and upsetting I do (I went through a marriage break up about 8 months ago) but it's really starting to exhaust me now.
We spend a lot of time together (and I mean a lot, I often get texts saying 'I'm coming round' whether I've been at work or not) and I don't mind but I'm having a lot of issues myself right now (money/stress/dp/ ex dp issues) and I try to talk to her about it and the conversation always somehow manages to get back to her dp and how she's going to ignore him from now on and then maybe he'll miss her and want her back (harsh as it sounds he doesn't, I get on well with her ex dp and have spoken to him about it). I don't mind listening to her but I've just run out of advice now and our conversations are 90% about him.
I think the thing that annoys me the most is that I said to her that I was having a tough time right now and she turned around and said 'I can't really deal with other peoples problems right now'
Yesterday I had a major money crisis that left me in tears and she came round (when I told her I needed to sleep because I had work in the evening) and immediately started talking about her ex. I tried to explain my situation and got 'that sucks' in return and then went back to the ex.
I won't deny she has been there in other ways (she sometimes gives me a lift and lends me the odd tenner here and there, which I always pay back) which is why I'm wondering if I'm being a shit friend?

How do I tell her nicely that she needs to move on? Am I being unreasonable for getting annoyed?

Don't tell her nicely. She's vile and an emotional leech.

Screen her calls and put your phone on silent if you need to sleep. Stop being there for her all the time and she'll move on to her next victim someone else.

And as for the histrionics a month after she split with a boyfriend of 4 months - she needs a grip.

She is a bit younger than me which I think is the reason for the dramatics. He doesn't help but it's not intentional, he still wants to be friends with her so still sees her (just in a friend way) but it gives her false hope.

He needs to pack that in for a few months at least. And she needs to grow up. My 19 year old dd sounds more mature, by a mile.

Phone on silent should do the trick. Or give her a number of a counsellor and say I think this oerson maybe able to help you more than i can.

Put your phone on silent when you want to sleep. And if someone knocks on the door, ignore it.

I think you need to be quite blunt with her. It's her being the shitty friend not you.

She sounds like am emotional vampire, get some space from her.

I just feel and because I know how horrible it is to break up with someone, my 6yr marriage ended last year (I married very young) but I don't even think that I was this bad about that.

It's nice that you're trying to empathise with her but you can't really compare a 6 year marriage to a 4 month relationship.

My dp lives far away and I only get to see him every now and then. Last time he came down we all went out (a few of my friends, her and her ex dp) and she got very drunk and my dp spent a good few hrs trying to calm her down because she was crying before she stormed home without telling anyone. I then had her and her ex dp texting me all night trying to get me to go back to hers to see if she was ok (my dp had travelled down to see me and my other friends came from another country to visit!) I couldn't physically get there so I spent the whole night feeling guilty and worried.

stop borrowing money from her, and accepting lifts
she might be thinking you owe her

stick a note on your door saying 'I'm sleeping, can't talk now' when she says 'I'm coming round' - ignore the doorbell/knocking

put your phone on silent when you are sleeping

tell her she needs to get other opinions than yours; talking and talking and going over old ground isn't helping her, it's unhealthy; she should really speak to her ex

if she still insists on harassing you, tell her she is leaning too heavily on you and you're struggling to cope and can't help her

she sounds completely lost in her own pity party tbh
she might be completely heartbroken, and maybe he treated her very badly, but a time comes when we all have to buck the fuck up

harsh but true

He didn't treat her badly at all, he was actually a pretty nice guy but just thought it wasn't working so broke up with her instead of dragging it out

Do you have to have your phone on when you're sleeping? If not, leave it off or on silent. When she says she's coming over maybe reply & say it's not convenient.
You can be quite blunt I think and will need to be as it sounds like you've tried to be quite subtle and it hasn't worked so far.
You have been a fantastic friend to her and she is obviously struggling but you have done more than enough.

I have to have my phone on in case Of emergencies but I think I'll stop replying, I feel a bit harsh though :(

Is this worth the odd lift and lend of a tenner?

can you use your landline, or a new cheap payg phone for emergency calls?

and do you think he broke up with her when it became apparent that she is a nutjob drama queen?

Could you maybe turn the sound off for texts when you're sleeping & ask people (obviously not her!) to call if there is an emergency? What happened on your night out was outrageous! If her ex p was that concerned about her, he should have gone after her.
Distancing yourself seems like a good plan. There's an episode of sex & the city where carries friends all join together to tell her to stop talking about someone. They say a really good line, I'll try to find it for you.

What sort of emergency? School ringing, or similar? You need your sleep, so I'd put it on silent and let one of the other contacts pick up. You won't be able to sleep if she keeps calling you and you lie there feeling guilty.

School for dc, work etc.
he said he didn't want to make her more upset by turning up. I feel bad, she's a uni friend and she stayed in my town over the summer because she wanted to stay with him so she doesn't really have anyone else

That doesn't mean it's compulsory for you to make yourself available to her 24/7 though, does it? Boundaries!

I'd take the batteries out of the doorbell as well.

You could just put her number on divert to voicemail rather than putting your phone on silent.

If you have a smartphone download an app called agent. It's brill, you set which numbers are ok to disturb you then turn it on, you can leave your phone off silent and only the numbers you've selected will be allowed through, all others will automatically be silenced. You can even set a message to be sent automatically via text to people that try to contact you.

She needs to know you are not available when it is your sleep time - it's no different from being asleep at night and being bothered at 3am. That is strictly for only the most extreme emergencies and she is way out of order.

Tell her you are extremely tired and busy and need to stick to your sleep schedule rigorously, no exceptions. Spell out to her when you are NOT available and if you still want to see her, offer her a selection of dates and times you can do - I'd make it once a week or less.

If she can't respect that, ignore all calls/doorbell and then say "Oh sorry i thought I explained, I'm not available then, I need to sleep/get other stuff done".

You need to get firm with this one, she sounds very me me me and thick-skinned.

You sound like a lovely friend and I think that your caring attitude has actually led to some facilitating, i.e. your friend is now craving your sympathetic ear and has developed a pattern where she makes a big drama out of her life and leans on you heavily for support.

First of all you need to sleep and should not answer her, or anyone else´s calls (unless true emergencies), when you are asleep. Other posters have suggested methods of doing this.

If she does just pop round to your house and you are busy, make it clear, e.g. "Can you help me fold these sheets / dry these dishes while we discuss your problem?"

Thank her when she loans you money or gives you a lift - I am sure you do this anyway.

When she does listen to you about your problems or offer advice, thank her and say things like, "It was so nice to talk to someone about this."

Try to ensure that your relationship is not simply about sharing problems. Talk about positive, happy, successful things too to boost both of your feelings and self-confidence.