To be irrationally upset about this?

[GrrrrrrArrrghh]

Actually I know I am BU to a very large degree, just need a bit of a rant here as I can't to anyone in RL. My SIL had a beautiful baby boy today, their DC2. They already have a DD who is 3 months older than our DD. We are just about to start trying for DC2.

They have named him the name I told her in confidence we would have chosen if DD had been DS - and would probably have been the front runner for our future (male) DC2. At the time, she also shared with me what their male choices would have been and they were completely different. I have never told anyone else what our boy's name would have been, even my mum and sisters.

My head is telling me not to be so ridiculous - it's just a name, and of course we have no claim to it whatsoever. We may never have any more DC, let alone a boy. But I still feel quite upset and cross. If I hadn't shared it with her and they had chosen it, I would have been disappointed but more able to just shrug it off. It's the fact that we had a conversation about something very personal and she either a) just forgot or b) didn't forget and didn't give a shit.

Right, rant over! Off to drown my irritation with

Ha, ha Bruno, I quite like that (won't actually do it though!). Another option will be if they ask in the next pregnancy have we considered names to just say "well we've had our boys name sorted since before DD, so it's just a girl's name we need to think about.....", then let them stew for months that we would actually go ahead with it. Don't think I could though, more because it would be weird trying to explain it to the kids later why they ended up with identical names!

I'm sure in another few days I'll have calmed down a bit more. Think it's compounded by the fact that my relationship with her has always been a bit up & down and my tolerance is lower anyway due to past history. As I said upthread, now I get to choose names for both sexes next time

YANBU to feel upset but I don't think I would say anything. I wouldn't go on to just use the name either, that would be a bit odd having two first cousins named the same. As much as it is really upsetting I think you just have to suck this up and pick something else should you go to have a boy.

I'm 9 weeks and have not gone public yet but I do know that I have 3 family members/friends due in front of me. My name choices are going to be kept close to my chest!

Would you (or will they) perhaps be using a variant of the name OP?

They'll have the same surname presumably, since your DH and your BIL are brothers, but what about a middle name?

If they have different middle names and go to different schools, using the same name but with a variant wouldn't be so bad.

Say they were both called James. If one of you uses James and the other Jamie, or one is Jamie and the other is Jim, you could get away with that.

Fuck it, at the risk of outing myself, the name is Benjamin, so likely to end up as Ben anyway. Yes, would be same surname too, so will not be using it in any form.

Sarah your username is now possibly my favourite on
Mumsnet ever - don't worry, I won't be using it too though!

Sorry but every other boy around here is called ben. You can find a much better name than that she's welcome to it

Thanks Kerala. That's what I keep telling myself too, we already know 2 Ben's anyway. I don't think it's the name itself per se, as much as feeling like she somehow betrayed a confidence - I know, I know, melodramatic much!