AIBU to expect my cleaner to put stuff from the dishwasher in the correct place

[lurkerspeaks]

I'm going to get flamed as I'm daring to criticise the person that I pay, a not inconsiderable amount of money, to each week to make my life easier.

She just doesn't seem to be able to put stuff from the dishwasher away in the correct place.

Tonights frustration - all the bloody cutlery is mixed up again. I have "big" cutlery and "small" (desert/ salad) cutlery. It all has separate slots in the kitchen drawer but every bloody week she just shoves all the items into one slot (so all forks into the "big" slot regardless of size) despite the fact the small forks are sitting winking at her neatly arranged in the next slot along.

Or the fact that she actually moved all the bloody cereal bowls (12) to stack the serving bowl underneath them (which must have taken ages and probably endangered them in the process as she is pretty clumsy) when in fact in the next cupboard along the serving bowls buddy is sitting unencumbered on a shelf waiting to be reunited with his twin.

She has been cleaning for me for six months so it isn't like she is new here and apart from the cutlery the misplacements aren't consistent.

I do miss my old cleaner who shared my obsessional traits about cutlery organisation!

I haven't spoken to her as I don't see her (she comes when I'm at work). Her written english isn't great so i haven't left a note and tbh I actually thought pattern matching the existing items was going to be easier for her than my trying to explain and her translate a note.

Obviously I was wrong.

Being totally patronising I expect my friends 4 yo to be able to match up big forks and small forks given that each have their own compartment in a drawer (it is kind of a giant shape sorter toy isn't it). Ergo I'm quite surprised that another adult doesn't see that they are different, sorted and segregated.

She has plenty of time to empty the dishwasher, unfortunately I live in an area where cleaners will only come for a minimum amount of time regardless of the size of your property (mine is tiny) and there is only so much ironing I can generate to even vaguely attempt to fill the time I pay her for hence my willingness to let her empty the dishwasher.

I think this is also why it irritates me i.e. she isn't under time pressure.

A new cleaner might be a good idea but I'm stuck with her for now as she is a friend of a friend. I'm not asking my friend to intervene either - too awkward, so if it is alright I'll just vent on here!

This is how my DH behaves too, and we've been working with a dishwasher for 15 years now.

Heard a good joke.

I get really angry at my flatmate, he never puts the cutlery away in the correct slot. When i got down in the pitch black in the middle of the night to stab him, I WANT TO KNOW that i am getting a carving knife.

Sorry seemed slightly relevant.

But it irritates me as well, my nanny does the same.

I prefer doing all the loading and emptying of the dishwasher myself over letting certain DCs attempt it. Only DD4 seems able to get it right. She hasn't yet figured out she may well have got herself a job for life. I want to be able to fill the dishwasher to the max and not have to do more than one load, and I want all the stuff in there to actually get washed. The way I do it ensures that. And then I want to be able to find everything when I need it next, so it needs to be in its appointed place.

You are going to have to take the time to give her verbal instructions and a demonstration. Either that or draw little pictures on post it notes and leave them where you want things to go.

You could try googling the translation of 'small', 'medium',
'large' 'bowl' etc and try writing those words on the post its..

Oh poor you :(

The annoying thing is that I have masses of crockery/ cutlery (this is not intended to be a drip feed) it is merely a fact as my dearly beloved (and slightly dotty) late Mother believed that one requires a minimum of 12 place settings of crockery and cutlery. She had similar opinions about serving dishes too!

Consequently even when the dishwasher is fully loaded there is still loads of stuff left in my cupboards as place markers.

The only exceptions are pots/pans and she seems to have sussed where they go.

I know this is a ridiculous thread really but it irritates me on a weekly basis.

I have dishwasher battles with my Dad (we have the same dishwasher) but he and I stack it very, very differently. When I stay at his house he watches me stack it and then removes everything and does it again! I do the same to him at my house. This is why the cleaner never gets left to load the bloody thing!

Take photos of how the cupboards should be stacked, laminate them and stick them to the inside of the cupboards. :)

If you really must have someone to empty your dishwasher, how about she puts all the stuff on the side and you put it away later? How is she supposed to know what goes where?

If you told her what you want, it would be utterly reasonable to expect her to do it.
If you won't tell her, then of course she won't do it. I don't suppose she's a mind reader.
Not trying to be rude, but I'm sure you know what the answer is here. Just tell her what you need her to do, and I'm sure she'll do it.

I am going to have to tell her but as I already said up the thread I'm not sure it is unreasonable to expect an adult to match the item coming out of the dishwasher up with the same items already in the drawer/ cupboards.

Eg. big forks with big forks, small forks with small forks.

I quite understand when the random one off items goes awol (even previous cleaner struggled with that) it is the failure to put stuff where it quite obviously should be because there is already one or more of that item on the shelf that upsets me.

There aren't even lots of places stuff could go, as I said it is a small flat and small kitchen. I barely have room for food courtesy of my Mother's bonkers ideas about how much crockery/ cutlery you need.

I really don't believe that anyone can open a cutlery drawer and see 8 compartments, 1 of which contains big forks and the other small forks and deliberately choose to put the small forks in with the big forks.

I know I sound like a loon but it really is just simple shape sorting and she is middle aged and can't do it… this is why it frustrates me.

And how the fuck do you explain that to an adult without sounding like a patronising loon.

"You might not have noticed but there are two sizes of forks, they are about 1.5 inches different in size, well they are arranged into different slots in the drawer. Can you please do this?"

And I have contemplated laminating pictures and sticking them to the inside of the cupboard doors.

I need to get out more!

In order not to sound patronising, you should forget the 'You may not have noticed..' bit.

You will probably need to show her or ask her to leave it all on the counter for you. Some people genuinely don't notice small differences between forks, spoons, etc. They can clean a house like nobody's business, but they don't do organisation. (My mother for instance. She thinks DD4 is brilliant and ever so helpful, because DD4 makes her tea and then gets on with emptying the dishwasher herself).

I think laminating pics would be a good idea.

I think she might roll her eyes but you won't be there to see it, so what the heck.

I think you sound a bit patronising by assuming she can't do the pattern matching. Maybe she doesn't care, maybe she doesn't realise how important it is to you (it's not that important to everyone..)

My cleaner does this. I could say something to her, but spending half an hour detailing where I usually put every bowl and utensil would be a waste of her time and mine; so I've solved the problem by not minding. It's actually become a running family joke. I suggest you lighten up and do the same.

Wow. What an issue.

Maybe she's like me and has never seen the need for big forks and small forks so just sees forks. It's not like she sees forks and thinks I'll put them with the spoons. Now even I don't do that.

Being totally patronising I expect my friends 4 yo to be able to match up big forks and small forks given that each have their own compartment in a drawer mine wouldn't unless I told him to and showed him.

I think you'd be well within your rights to catch her by the scruff of the neck and kick her arse right out the door.

Some menial people just don't realise how important forks and spoons are to other people's well being. The horror of opening a drawer and finding a dessert fork where a latte spoon should be!!!!! Beggars belief that you should endure such agony.

Give her 50 lashes everytime she makes such a heinous error - that should bring her cow-towing arse right back into line.

Meanwhile have a well earned mint julep to get over your vapours.

The cheek of staff these days!!!!!

Desert forks? For eating al fresco, presumably.

How horrible for you, OP. Gosh. What a shame you can't clean your own 'tiny' home and that none of your minions can do it properly.

Is this for real? Do people actually worry about this shit? Enough to start a thread about it?

Never heard of a cleaner emptying the dishwasher. A clearing is there to um...clean. At least my mums is (she's amazing) and my sisters.

I'm really, really sorry, normally I never pick people up on typos or grammatical errors, preferring to leave that to judgey, pedantic wankers but am loving the mental picture of a 'cow towing arse' just too much to let it pass. I think you mean kowtowing.

Okay. If you want your cleaner to put things away where you want them, you need to tell her.

Without saying things like "you may not have noticed".

Seriously, some people just don't see these things as important and will just put dishes in anywhere they will fit. Or they think your system is wrong so put things away as they would in their own kitchen. I've had both of these from friends / family who've been helpfully unloading my dishwasher.

But it really is unreasonable to complain that the cleaner is doing it wrong when you've not explained what you consider to be right.