to be a smidge alarmed that my dad has just asked me to tell him everything I would like to keep in their house upon their death

[ochayethemew]

Should be pointed out that my parents are fit, healthy and in their mid 60s. Dad has been obsessed with death for some time now. He was that I haven't written a will 'given that I will be driving on the motorways of France for 2 weeks in the summer'. sigh

My grandparents have sticky labels on the bottom of every ornament in the house so we know who gets what, they started doing it in thier 60s and both turned 90 this year!

Well delight can be hard to achieve. Why not do it then?

You are reasonable to feel uncomfortable. My partner's grandmother has been doing this for decades, she's already handed out some of it. I once commented on liking some artwork she had hung up and later that week my MIL is telling me that that piece is going to another family member, but there is a similar piece that partner's grandmother would like me to have. It is quite uncomfortable to have someone point blank ask you what you would like, but thinking about it now will prevent both feeling guilty and making mad grabs at things to preserve memories (as I did when my grandmother passed away).

Excellent post by LavenderHoney

I have to agree with most people here.
You're Dad is being sensible and pragmatic, and YABveryU.

Even ore so about not having a will yourself.

Every so often my mother grabs me by the shoulders - literally - and says "you do know that when I die I want my body to go to Medical Science, don't you?".

I haven't even any idea how one sends a body to Medical Science, but thanks to my dearest ma, I will never every forget that that's what we're supposed to do with her...

I think he's very sensible. I don't get this "oh no, we can't talk about people dying" view. Being prepared, knowing where wills are, insurance documents, prepaying funeral plans etc won't make a loved ones death come any quicker but it will make the very very difficult and sad weeks after a little less stressful.

My Nana has already given me some bits & pieces she wanted me to have when she dies, she says she'd rather see me wear them now while she can.

When do you think would be a good time to deal with this? We don't all get advance warning that our lived ones are about to die. And just after they have died, the last thing in the world you want is to be picking over their stuff.

Very sensible.

A year or so ago, my Granny started asking what each family member would like. I requested a lovely little footstool that I have fond memories of, which doesn't match my decor at all, but makes me feel wonderful every time I look at it.
She's now 84, and been sent home from hospital, to die, with a bowel perforation, and now is not of sane mind and capable of doing such a thing.
If we'd waited, I'd likely not have anything personal to remind me of many wonderful years with my grandparents.

My father died very suddenly and it was an unmitigated nightmare - I mean aside from the grief. Even little things like having no idea what sort of funeral he'd want just added to the awfulness of it - and things aren't fully resolved re his affairs years later.

So the more planning, the better. Everyone should just have an "in the event of my death" folder left somewhere obvious.

Having seen the stats, I think that anyone about to set off down a motorway anywhere except the UK and Scandinavia should be extra sure to have their wills up to date, yes. However France, (though much worse than us, obvs) has mounted a huge death reduction campaign and is far far better than it used to be - your DF is a little out of date.

DH and I have done our wills now. We have said when the kids can have some money, who we want as their guardians, specifics they are getting individually and who is definitely not inheriting anything and why.

two wills that was meant to be.

At his time of life (close to or recently retired, State pension about to kick in) he's probably had to do some in-depth planning and thinking about his financial affairs. To be honest, financial planning in retirement would be so much easier if we all knew when we are going to die! So forgive him his recent focus on The End, but it's not morbid it's practical.

He's obviously taking pride in getting his affairs in order well ahead of time, which will save you and the family he eventually leaves behind a great deal of trouble. I wouldn't mind betting he would take great pleasure in looking at whatever item(s) you've expressed an interest in and thinking that you'll be treasuring them for years after he's gone.

A little bit sad for you, yes, but a mark of a thoughtful parent, IMO.

It's not morbid. In fact I don't think people talk about death enough.

We did our wills years and years ago, but much later than we should have done. An astonishing percentage of the population don't have a will.

Our grown up children know that we want to be buried and they know what flowers I like and what kind of coffin - no chrysanthemums or mahogany boxes for me. We have hearses passing our house multiple times a day because the crem is just up the road. It does focus the mind and lead to some interesting discussions.

I'm in my late 20 and had a will since PFB was a few months old.

PercythePenguin my brother and I keep threatening to put colour coded sticky dots on things at our Mum's. It started after our Dad died and things that Mum had tolerated for almost 50 years began disappearing...

Entirely sane. Mum asked us so we gave her a "definite want" and a "if no-one else does I'd prefer it not be thrown out". She updated her Will recently as my dad passed but she really needs to finish the bequests addendum!