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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit concerning regarding my sons view of sil?

21 replies

DillyDallyDee · 14/07/2014 21:03

Reading a book to my son this evening and there was a picture of a wicked witch. He said instantly that looks like aunty X (sil). I thought this was odd as even though a cartoon picture if bore little resemblance so I asked why and he replied 'because she looks nasty and shouty, and Aunty X always shouts and is horrible to me'. I asked him to expand and he just kept saying she does horrible things. He does spend a reasonable amount of time with sil and though I've never seen this I'm concerned. DS is only 3.

OP posts:

FriendlyAmoeba · 14/07/2014 21:08

Hard to call with 3. He could just resent not being able to get away with anything and having consequences to his actions. Or she could honestly be being a jerk to him.

Keep an eye on him around SIL for a bit and see how she treats him.

Original poster

DillyDallyDee · 14/07/2014 21:11

I suppose the bit that worried me was (and I know how silly this sounds) was that the 'witch has different colour hair, was different in all obvious ways but had a really nasty look on her face and that seemed to be the resemblance for ds. I'm probably over thinking it. I've always found her 'off' but never nasty.

OP posts:

FriendlyAmoeba · 14/07/2014 21:18

Well, I think if DS doesn't come home acting distressed or miserable when he spends time with SIL, it might just be safe to assume that he doesn't like getting yelled at.

When my little brother was 3 he wanted to "cut me" and threatened to cut my hand off in the basement. What he really meant was he wanted to cut me with a pair of scissors like you would a paper doll and remove my hand. He didn't mean he wanted to actually physically harm me, I don't even think the fact it would hurt even occurred to him.

3 year olds are dramatic, but it rarely means anything. Just don't give a reaction to encourage that talk and keep an open ear for anything dodgy (like cursing, smacking).

RevoltingPeasant · 14/07/2014 21:22

Perhaps sil is not keen on your DS? Or small children generally?

Does she have any of her own? I'm just aware that to my husband's nieces I probably look cold or mean because I'm not hugely bothered about small children and don't really play with them.

Equally, if he is three, it could be he heard her having a moan about something and now thinks "aunty X is cross". Don't overthink too much!

Thenapoleonofcrime · 14/07/2014 21:22

My children are a bit overdramatic even a bit older- they have one teacher and they declare 'she's a monster, she's evil' when in fact she's just a bit strict and seems perfectly pleasant to me. Is he left there a lot on his own? As the last poster said, he might think her horrid for one particular thing (e.g. not giving him an ice-cream) and it's now expanded. He can't really explain what's horrid and at this age I would try not to read anything too sinister into it unless there's more evidence to go on.

Original poster

DillyDallyDee · 14/07/2014 21:25

Thanks all, we glided past the conversation and I was careful not to change my tone etc. Probably nothing to it, just not like him and my instinct is working against my rational thought!

OP posts:

DoJo · 14/07/2014 21:34

To be honest, you are bound to be keeping your eye on their interactions more now anyway, and I think that should be enough. Your son may be remembering a sole, specific incident which caused your SIL to shout at him (possibly not even in anger, maybe out of concern) which has stuck in his mind, or even an expression on her face which he interpreted as shouting, or was directed at someone else. My guess is that you will pick up on anything untoward going on now that you have had this conversation, but you may have to be prepared to discover it's just one of those things!

(FWIW, my son repeatedly refers to the relative size of people's eyes at very specific moments of the day. He is adamant that we have 'tiny', 'big' or 'enormous' eyes and we have yet to work out where this has come from. I suspect that we will never know where this comes from, but I do sometimes wish I could trace the origins of his thoughts.)

cornishbaby · 14/07/2014 21:38

Probably nothing to it, just not like him and my instinct is working against my rational thought!

Enough said for me. I'd revisit this at another time with him imo.

LaFlambeau · 14/07/2014 21:44

He is adamant that we have 'tiny', 'big' or 'enormous' eyes and we have yet to work out where this has come from.

Perhaps he means pupil size?

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 14/07/2014 21:46

I agree with just keeping a watchful eye. You are more likely to notice anything untoward than not, especially now he's got your attention on their relationship.
I do listen to my dc & try to make it clear I accept their feelings about things but we also look at the whole situation because kids are sometimes self absorbed drama llamas.

Most recently my goddaughter saw her arse and told her mum I was horrible and nasty and she didn't like me anymore. Which was tough tits really because she got told off for trying to disobey me again when I said she was not allowed to grab the cat and force her down the slide. She didn't take kindly to being thwarted in her attempts.

It can be tricky to work out if it's a worrying pattern of behaviour, just a lack of wanting to engage in 3yo play all the time or a response to a one off telling off if you haven't seen it. It also depends on the child, one of mine is much more prone to amateur dramatics and has had to have a lot of help in learning to be a bit more people friendly so would probably raise less of a response than the quiet, fair and honest child expressing the same sentiment.
I wouldn't be too concerned if I trusted someone enough to spend a lot of time with them and would just make sure I was aware of everything so I could either step in or put things in context for my dc.

KERALA1 · 14/07/2014 21:47

My cheerful affectionate little sister hated one of my parents friends. It was a standing joke - she would say how she hated that "old granny man". She was (and is) very sunny natured. He eventually dumped his wife and dc and had an affair with a pupil (he in his 40s she a young 17). They split and he went to live in Thailand basically a grim perve. No suggestion he abused my sister or any children but she sensed something at 3 that no one else - including the adults had.

DoJo · 14/07/2014 21:53

LaFlambeau
I thought that, but it doesn't seem to bear any relation to amount of light, and his eye-size judgement is often different for different people in the same lighting conditions. I keep talking to him about it in the hope that he will one day be able to articulate his thoughts on the matter in a more understandable way, but, knowing my luck, he will suddenly stop talking about it just when it could all become clear!

queenofthemountain · 14/07/2014 21:54

You don't sound as though you are very keen on her, and he is probably picking up on that.

Original poster

DillyDallyDee · 15/07/2014 09:03

Its not that I'm not keen, I just find her hard to gel with, nothing I can put my finger on, just that sort of feeling when you can't get in step with someone? Does that make sense? You're probably right queen, kids are very perceptive even if we think we are good at hiding it! I know regardless if I do it consciously or not I'll be more aware now though when ds with sil.

OP posts:

HappyAgainOneDay · 15/07/2014 12:18

Does your SIL babysit? It could be that she talks to your DC then and has a different attitude from how you deal with things concerning children?

WanderingAway · 15/07/2014 12:29

My dn is a little older but would probably call me an evil witch because he doesn't get his own way when with me. At home my dn basically rules the house. I love my dn like one of my own thats why I don't put up with any nonsense.

I would keep an eye on the situation but I doubt that there is anything bad going on.

Gruntfuttock · 15/07/2014 12:42

"Most recently my goddaughter saw her arse and told her mum I was horrible and nasty and she didn't like me anymore."

Huh?

BernardlookImaprostituterobotf · 16/07/2014 01:50

Which bit Grant? Saw her arse?

Recently my gd got the hump. Her arse remained, at all times, firmly covered. It's probably a colloquial phrase.

She took exception to not being allowed to do what she wanted to do as 4 year olds are wont to do even when they should know better.
Very few arses involved all round really.

mimishimmi · 16/07/2014 02:27

How much time does he spend with her OP? I rarely spend time with my DN (same age as your son) due to distance and when I do, I think he gets a bit annoyed at me for what he perceives as giving too much attention to his adorable little sister. The truth is I find it a little bit hard to engage with him because I am not a big fan of that age he's just coming out of (terrible two's). Does your SiL have an unpleasant demeanour too even if she's not being nasty?

LeoandBoosmum · 16/07/2014 02:56

I'm over cautious so I likely would not leave him alone with her again, not ask her to babysit etc... 'does things to me' sent my imagination into overdrive (but I'm a really anxious person who worries excessively and over-analyses everything). I'd be worried she's hitting him or touching him inappropriately (it does happen, women are predators, not just men). It's probably unlikely and, as others have said, 3 year old can be very dramatic but as the comment was unsolicited from you I would be concerned enough to not leave him alone with her. It's probably that she's a bit shouty and short at times but I wouldn't take any chances with my child.. I think I'll probably get slammed here...my view will not be shared by many.

mindthegap79 · 16/07/2014 07:12

I'm not sure. If you do need to question him further then there's a very good technique for children which helps you not to put words into their mouths: Little TED.

Tell me; Explain what you mean by that to me; Describe...

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