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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

House Purge

24 replies

DailyWalks · 14/07/2014 15:39

Need a female perspective please.

DP and I live in a smallish 2 bed flat. We have 2 DC (3 & 1)..

We have so much stuff and very little storage space eg all DC clothing since birth, 3 prams, car seat (neither of us drive), cot 2 DC beds - with 3 mattresses .. A load of partners childhood belongings (6/7 boxes worth) that her mother dumped on us

Now to the crux - I have a week off work next week and am trying to get rid of some of the stuff but all in getting is 'but what if we have another'

I just would like to know if I'm being unreasonable to get a bit angry that we are holding onto so much stuff...

OP posts:

JustAShopGirl · 14/07/2014 15:41

it depends - are you getting angry because there is too much stuff, or because she wants another and you don't?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/07/2014 15:43

I am a great believer in 'get rid and replace' rather than in your case, store, possibly move house, buy a car before you can reuse. Do you think your DP is thinking that this is your way of stopping the conversation about another baby?

SiennaBlake · 14/07/2014 15:44

But what if you have another?

HerRoyalNotness · 14/07/2014 15:44

If you get rid of the stuff and have another baby, can you afford to replace it all?

I wouldn't get rid of anything your DP is not ready to let go of. I am a hoarder of my DC belongings. IT was very difficult to let their clothes go, and I only did when a very close friend had a DS. I still kept all their teeny, tiny things though. I have started selling some bits and pieces, even though we think we might have another. Things like travel cots, black out blinds and toys the DC didn't really take too. All things that I know we can manage without. But I won't be selling their cot or first toys/clothes etc... Those things are special to me.

Original poster

DailyWalks · 14/07/2014 15:49

Oh I'm open to the idea of another in the future but we are both agreed that not at the moment and not whilst we're in current property.. That conversation isn't an issue, it's just things like 3 prams and 2 beds in one bedroom that is 4x2 meters just drives me nuts, the clothes I can understand but would prefer if we got rid of some (there is probably a black bin bag full for each baby period nb, 0-3 etc) stuff that's broken is kept etc (2 of the prams aren't fully functioning).

OP posts:

CrohnicallyExhausted · 14/07/2014 15:51

I have a sentimental attachment to a lot of DD's old clothes and things, and find it really hard to let go.

Would you be able to compromise and agree to keep a certain amount of stuff if you both go through and remove anything that is too old/worn/broken/stained to be reused, and sell some of the larger items (I always found this easier if I had a plan for the money raised eg a day out). The car seat for example would probably be useless if you had another child as they do have a shelf life and I believe the car seat rules are changing soon. The cot mattresses, I think it's not recommended to reuse those. Pushchairs are easily replaced, or perhaps keep just one out of the 3- whichever your partner found the most useful.

Do you have a loft that could be used for storage? A lot of the things you mention are the things that I have stored up there.

Would friends or family be willing to loan out space eg garage or loft?

Would finances allow you to rent storage space?

tiggytape · 14/07/2014 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood · 14/07/2014 15:55

I'm a hoarder and would love someone to 'purge' my house, as long as I was able to retain some control - no good a minimalist coming in and just chucking everything in a skip.
If you were patient, I would love to have someone immediately take out of the house anything I said could go. Much of that would come with the proviso that it was going to someone else who could use it though - be that a friend of a charity shop.
My problem is I decide something can go, then never get the time to freecycle it or put it up for sale anywhere, and it gradually gets absorbed back into the rest of the hoarded stuff.
Can't see why anyone would need 3 prams in the first place though - I'd certainly be happy with you getting rid of those.
Do you not have friends you could pass the small clothes on to? Most people I know pass on things like that when they are outgrown, and you find what goes around, comes around.

Original poster

DailyWalks · 14/07/2014 15:55

No loft space etc unfortunately... Don't think it helps we can afford a bigger place in a couple of months quite easily but she won't entertain the idea as we are in the catchment area of the 'nice school' again I understand the reasoning but part of me thinks the choice should be the nice school or all the plastic crap we hold onto.. Maybe I'm being a tad harsh

OP posts:

Damnautocorrect · 14/07/2014 15:56

If your pretty sure you'd want to use it again rather than replace I'd look to renting storage space and car boot or hippo bag/ skip.

Original poster

DailyWalks · 14/07/2014 16:01

Think your probably right that storage would be best bet.. I just don't see us using most of it again.. The special items to me I understand keeping but the bulk of the clothing can be so cheaply replaced at nearly new sales.... Right she's home (I may have dumped some stuff in the corridor with the intention of it going - nothing sentimental, I'm not that harsh

OP posts:

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2014 16:01

sentiment is a tough thing. (bulging loft)

clothes can be minimised in vacuum bags. try to take out the non sentimental stuff first. or stuff that is too stained to be worn again. taking photos of baby in the most treasured outfits as you go along seems to have helped me. I will need ot get rid of them all though.

broken things should really be got rid of. would taking photos of thestuff work. (i still have a double buggy and a broken but was still usable when he was smaller buggy. so know the difficulty of geting rid. )

I think rather than complaining about it and being upfront, it would help to get in through the side door. what could she do with the space otherwise? what is she happy with getting rid of. think of it as anything that is cleared out is a bonus.

having said that the horse is going down to the garage now! they out grew it ages ago but are really fond of it.

sugaryonthesurface · 14/07/2014 16:01

Id say the sensible thing to do is sell the stuff you really havent got room for and save the money incase of another child and keep the best clothes in each size and get rid of the rest.When a new baby comes im sure people buy some new clothes anyway in excitement,well i know i would.I believe its much harder to keep your home clean and organised when you have so much stuff hanging about not being used and if you get rid of some you can start afresh finding places for all these things left to keep.It is hard to let go of some things but being realisic is it affecting your home life holding on to sooo much stuff because if it is let go of some.Maybe your partner is as overwhelmed by it all and just doesnt know where to start or is just finding it hard to make a decision.Things you arent using could be boxed away and having them tidied away will put your mind at rest that theyre sorted out.I can fully appreciate how frustrating it is because my partner is a bit of a hoarder whereas I feel satisfaction from clearing and tidying things away.I think its great that you want to tackle it.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2014 16:02

I think you need to persuade her to help. being forced into it will only make me cling tightly. having time to think and get rid helps.

Igggi · 14/07/2014 16:05

Are the beds ones that are currently being used? If not, ditch the mattresses as you will want new anyway. Could you lose a pram saying you will get a more up-to-date one if there's a third?
Has your partner thought what to do re catchment area/expensive housing if you do have a third?
Finally, is there any of your own stuff that could go out (books, CDs or whatever) so it doesn't just seem to be focused on the baby things.

Igggi · 14/07/2014 16:08

Storage rooms are expensive though - we've had one for around £90 a month, you have to think of the price of the room versus the price of replacing the stuff in it. I could have paid several times over the price of the bikes etc we are keeping for dc2.

StampyIsMyBoyfriend · 14/07/2014 16:12

Sell the baby stuff, you get quite a lot back for prams etc, put the money in a just in case fund. You and your child deserve to live in a peaceful home, how will it look to school friends coming over? If you're living in a tip?

Baby clothes often end up being useless, next baby is the opposite sex, born in summer vs winter etc. Mattresses shouldn't really be reused anyway (sids risk, some experts say) .

I had a keepsake blanket made, from baby clothes, lady on Facebook did it for me. I have memories, and don't need all the 'stuff'.

Of course, many hoarders have mental health issues... So there might be more to it.

specialsubject · 14/07/2014 16:17

you can get baby kit for flumpence on ebay, including prams, pushchairs, high chairs etc etc. If your kids never go in a car then why have a car seat? (if they do, why have you only got one?)

so as there is no room for the possible #3 in your current place, and no room for you as you are, get rid of everything outgrown or no longer in use. your partner is also going to have to get rid of her childhood clutter - no reason for parents to store it either. Losing those 3 prams (you have only two children!) will be a great start. You can try those on ebay but be careful as for some reason it tends to attract scammers.

do not go down the rented storage route, that will burn money. A storage unit for more than a few months and you will have spent enough to buy it all again.

BravePotato · 14/07/2014 16:22

We were in your situation.

We got rid of everything, even the pram, and we thought if a 3rd one ever happens we will just get stuff second hand.

You can't live in chaos!

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 14/07/2014 16:26

If you have a week off work, you could volunteer to take the children out twice a day for 2-3 hour stints so your DP gets some head space, some down time from 2 v small children and a second to herself to consider her surroundings and have a quiet sort. That would be my idea of heaven. Can you imagine your boss turning up in your office when it's been a frantically busy week and going mental that the filing isn't up to scratch ?

Can I also suggest that you book in a regular weekend stint say, every other weekend to also give her some downtime to sort through her personal stuff from her childhood home. Often people want the luxury of time to reminisce while they sort, before developing a ruthless streak and binning the lot.

I'm not a SAHM but two small children in a 2 bed flat is doable but not ideal if you are a family which like a lot of "stuff". Perhaps it is worth having a gentle chat about long term options. Either you want to stay in the area in which case No3 isnt an option and the stuff can go; or you are moving further out and should just get on with it before DC1 starts school.

MrsCakesPremonition · 14/07/2014 16:27

Start small and make reasonable suggestions.
You only need one pram, so what about getting rid of the other two and using the money for something nice?
Get some storage bags from IKEA and go through the baby clothes. Sort out the stuff that isn't worth saving - there are always clothes which (in the cold light of day) have dodgy poo stains round the legs or nasty food stains on the front and which you wouldn't want to inflict on a new sibling.
Go slowly and you will both start to feel less overwhelmed.

BackforGood · 14/07/2014 16:30

Definitely advise against the paying for storage route. Having more space, just enables you to hoard more stuff - it will become overwhelming - at least in front of your eyes you are reminded it needs dealing with, if it's shut behind a door then you can put it out of mind and the problem grows. That's before you consider the cost.

Footle · 14/07/2014 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harrietspy · 14/07/2014 16:41

Don't pay for storage! You could save up what you'd spend on storage to buy lovely new (or second hand) stuff if you have another.

You could allocate some space to store baby clothes if you really want to hang on to them (e.g. the bottom drawer) and only keep what fits into that space. Good luck!

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