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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbour is unhinged

37 replies

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 13:47

My new neighbour has been at my door twice in 2 weeks to complain about noise :/
Firstly it was my daughters birthday 2 weeks ago, one of her presents was a skipping rope and she was skipping in the back garden (on decking) at 8pm on a Friday and the neighbours little boy wouldn't sleep so the neighbour came round and asked me to stop DD, which I apologised and did. (we had just moved in, so I was quite glad for her to be out of the way while I was moving boxes around, so hadn't figured she could be bothering neighbours) - I didn't really think any more of it but remember thinking that the neighbour didn't seem particularly warm.
Then last night, DH was out watching the world cup with the kids uncle who they haven't seen in nearly 7 months. DH drunkenly calls me and asks me to keep them up as said uncle was going to come back to ours from the pub to see them so I reluctantly agreed. The kids were overexcited, up later than they would be normally on a sunday, were making a bit of noise I suppose in the front bedroom as they looked out of the window for their dad and uncle to arrive but I didn't realise until the neighbour turned up on my doorstep in her dressing gown shouting at me that she was trying to sleep, that this has to stop, that it's too late for children to be awake, that she can hear everything and that she could hear the kids last night too (which would have been Saturday night at around 9.30 when they went to sleep)
I apologised and said it was a one off but she stormed off.
DH came in pissed and laughed it off saying he'd rather be the one neighbours had a go at, than having to go out and have a go at a neighbour?? but it really upset me.
We've just relocated. We were in a detached house before so we need to adjust to terrace living but we aren't a bloody herd of elephants either, nor do we play loud music or have loud fights or anything! The weekend we moved in she had a dinner party in her garden that went on until 2am. It was loud but it didn't particularly bother me, even though it kept us awake and we were knackered from the move - but what does bother me is that she came across as hysterical and aggressive last night - she may well have some stresses in her life, i don't know as I don't know her but it all smacks a bit of double standards - if we were to hold a party in our garden until 2am next weekend then judging how she has behaved these last two weeks I have no doubt she would be hammering on the door again. She seems a bit unhinged. Unless it's me and I'm completely out of order here? (Which is why I thought i'd post in AIBU to get some perspective!)
Just a bit shit that it's a new neighbour and don't want to fall out with people already!!

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/07/2014 13:51

She shouldn't have started shouting but you should have brought the kids downstairs.

It is a pain in the arse when you're trying to sleep and kids are making unnecessary noise on the other side of the bedroom wall.

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 14:00

oh yeah, that makes sense Worral, I didn't think, I should have just kept them down with me but to be honest i'd bloody had enough of them by then and wanted them to be up in bed! It's bloody DH's fault for wanting them kept up.

Shit! So the dream of being friends with all the new neighbours has gone out the window now then!

OP posts:

Koothrapanties · 14/07/2014 14:00

If I'm honest I think you need to be more considerate. Others might not agree, but I don't think they have been that out of order. Perhaps she could have been calmer about it, but their requests seem pretty fair to me.

Koothrapanties · 14/07/2014 14:01

I also think you need to keep a closer eye on your kids. It's a bit off that you didn't realise what they were doing. It's your job to make sure they are behaving in a considerate manner.

whitepuddingsupper · 14/07/2014 14:05

I don't think her requests are fair enough if she has outdoor parties that go on until 2am. She could piss off after that with her complaining about a child playing out at 8pm.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/07/2014 14:06

they couldn't have been that noisy if you were not sure about the noise in your own house?

kappadelta · 14/07/2014 14:08

OP - I'm going to have to disagree with everyone else. You are making family noise. This is to be expected living in a terrace house.
Be reasonable but do not continue to allow this woman to speak to you like that.
There are ways and means of talking to another person and that is not how you speak to someone.

Icimoi · 14/07/2014 14:09

If your dc were waiting expecting their uncle to come home after the match it must have been pretty late. It sounds like the neighbour's complaint about that was justifiable, especially with today being a work day.

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 14:12

well yeah whitepud and blackeyedsusan, that's what I thought as well!
I honestly didn't hear anything untoward
That's why I think she's unhinged.
But am happy to concede that my kids should also have been in bed and not making any noise at all.
I'm just wary of her now. We may well have friends over in the garden over the summer and i'm going to feel a bit on edge that she won't like it - guess we could warn her beforehand, but what makes her so bloody special, she didn't warn us about her 2am shindig!

OP posts:

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 14:14

Thanks Kapp
Yep got it Icimoi, thanks

OP posts:

kappadelta · 14/07/2014 14:15

OP - I wouldn't warn her about having friends over in the garden. This serves only to enable her to further complain.

IamSlave · 14/07/2014 14:18

yes i think she is un hinged but also you will be amazed at thin walls in terraces,she may have had really bad experiences before you - and may not want to wait before she gets nasty, ie nip it in the bud..

do you think you could talk to her>? its a shame she wasnt nicer about it...

to be fair if noise people came onto you - they would say that was pretty normal living noise....you have a right to do whatever you want in your own home and children laughing running round etc..is not children throwing stones, sticks, kicking football against party wall, being abusive, loud music etc...

if your there for a long time i wonder if you cant have her round for tea....and try and come to compromise about noise...and explain to her about her dinner party also.....and how that affected you adn you do not want to enter into a tit for tat noise complaining compettion...

IamSlave · 14/07/2014 14:20

!I'm just wary of her now. We may well have friends over in the garden over the summer and i'm going to feel a bit on edge that she won't like it - guess we could warn her beforehand, but what makes her so bloody special, she didn't warn us about her 2am shindig!

honeslty dont go dowqn this road, stop now, and try and make amends....invite her over and chat....its great she had her party....her offense !! was worse than yours...you have to expalin to her your dc will make noise perhaps she isnt used to dc living next door, but her dinner party made noise too....

if it all turns really nasty at least you wil konw you have tried

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 14:30

Yeah think you're right Kapp, I won't then. Thanks :)
Thanks Iamslave, you're right too about making amends but urrggh i'm not the best at confrontation and she seems a very strong character.
Will give it a go though, let the dust settle and then maybe catch her on the street or something. Bugger!

OP posts:

scarletoconnor · 14/07/2014 14:34

If it was completely all one way and you were the only one making the noise I would say you ab a bit u

But Considering she has outdoor parties until 2am I think she doesn't really have a right to pull you on your children making a noise. Especially your dd skipping outside at 8pm.

kappadelta · 14/07/2014 14:37

OP - I hope that if you approach her, it works out and things can be salvaged.
In my experience they can't. I may just be bitter but if things do continue this way please make it clear that the next time she speaks to you in that way you will refuse any contact or communication with her.

It is horrible to feel like you can't live a normal life because the neighbours may complain.

LisaMed · 14/07/2014 14:38

Did anyone else click on this wondering if they were the neighbour?

OP - I think you are going to have to tread carefully. If they have had neighbours that were noisy previously then they may be sensitised to noise - it took us years to get over noisy neighbours.

I'd keep a record informally of any time your neighbour complains and otherwise just smile, nod and try and live normally within reason.

Good luck.

whois · 14/07/2014 16:32

Buy her some ear plugs.

QuietlyCurious92 · 14/07/2014 16:52

OP, don't make a habit of apologising if your kids aren't actually being noisy (the advice all the lovely lady's on mn have given me in the past 24hrs). Apologising continually will just enable her. Also if she's accusing your kids of making noise when they weren't then sounds a bit like she's being a cow little unreasonable and perhaps just out to cause trouble. In a similar situation myself, hope it turns out ok for you

ScarlettDragon · 14/07/2014 18:54

Next time she complains ask her why you can't make any noise but it's ok for her to keep you awake having a party in the garden until 2am? Ask her if she'd prefer you to play loud music until the early hours instead of hearing your children around the house. She sounds like a cheeky bitch to me, and that's coming from someone who's been plagued with noisy neighbours for years.

SisterMcKenzie · 14/07/2014 18:57

OK.
My neighbour are fucking nightmare.
My worst and first mistake was backing off and appeasing them.
Huge mistake on my part.

IME stand your ground politely and do not let them push you around.

I was the nice neighbour.
I backed off.
Of years.

Finally I had to involve the police because of violence and intimidation.

Next door are nearly on the hook for harassment should they bother us again.

They have so far left us alone for the last few months.

MrsFruitcake · 14/07/2014 19:03

Crikey, she sounds a right mardy mare, and she has DCs or her own?

She wants to try doing nights and trying to sleep in the summer during the day with people shouting, mowing lawns, kids on bikes playing and cars turning up and beeping every five minutes, then she'd have something to complain about.

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 19:11

Thanks Quietly and Scarlett - I've just got home, kept the kids in the park all afternoon to tire them out! I was listening to her grilling her little son in the back garden earlier 'who did you play with at nursery?' 'what did you eat?' - she's definitely got a detached, snooty manner - that's what I thought when she first came over to get me to stop dd from skipping - if it was me (which it never would be as i'm not a stuck up, uppity bitch) I would be apologetic and gracious - even when I told her it's dd's birthday and it's a present she just looked at me blankly.
We've had noisy neighbours before too, loud banging music, stay at home dj's etc and it's horrible, but you kind of tolerate it for a bit before stepping in. And you start off nice before building up to arguing on peoples doorsteps.
That's why I started this thread, I was just totally taken aback at her rage, she was furious and talking to me as if we were one step away from an anti-social order - we've only been here 4 weeks! How end of her tether could she possibly be in such a short amount of time!

OP posts:

Original poster

thenamehaschanged · 14/07/2014 19:17

God that doesn't sound good sistermck - what is wrong with people? Hope it doesn't get any worse for you!

Haha thanks Mrs Fruitcake, exactly - I think she might just work in the morning sometimes, as she was home by 1pm today. Stupid cow!

OP posts:

May09Bump · 14/07/2014 19:18

Invite her over for coffee and cake, say if kids are up late that you will try to keep them downstairs to minimise noise next to her bedrooms. Then say you would be grateful if they could give you advance warning of any parties going to 2am, so you could minimise your disturbed sleep by shutting your windows etc. Hopefully, it will click that it is give and take in being neighbours. If that doesn't work, then try to minimise / be considerate with the noise your making as a household and if she still comes on the bounce, firmly say to her to basically get off your back and be reasonable. Sometimes, unfortunately you don't have great neighbours :(

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