to think that a wohm with a sahm partner

[finlandstation]

Has a much easier life than 2 wohm or as single wohm parent
Very often on here you hear people saying how hard life is for a wohm who has a sahm as they have all the pressure for earning and their working day is more full on than sahm partner.
Well I actually think my wohm dh has an easier life than he would if I worked as I can pick up slack at home. Examples
He never has to worry about car service/mots or breakdowns. If his car has a problem he takes mine and I sort it out.
No school runs/ parents evenings, coffe mornings etc unless he specifically wants to on a day off.
Prescription medicine appears by magic.
He can phone and ask me to fetch toiletries when doing supermarket shop. No grocery shopping unless he particularly wants to.
No having to take time off work for a poorly child.
Very little involvement with toddler tantrums, nappy changing etc.
Lions share housework done
His laundry done
Being able to go away with work knowing I pick up slack. Last weekend he was away from Friday to Sunday morning and needed rest of Sunday to recover. Not from work (he by his own admission only did 2 hours of that) but late nights.
Sure tnere are more examples but you get the idea.
Aibu

Sure there is more but you get the idea

you can only figure out these choices and trade-offs for your own family. I agree with you op, in that I find working much easier than looking after dc and being stuck with all the home chores. Sounds as though you feel under-appreciated, that's something you need to talk to your dh about. I do think in general there is a societal lack of respect for sahp and that isn't fair.

I agree, I'm a SAHM with a WOHP and effectively I act as his home PA as well as looking after the kids and the house - so sort out birthday presents, make appointments, post parcels for him etc.
He wouldn't be as free to do the job he does otherwise, which we are both aware of, and he's very appreciative.

Agree op. Pros and cons to all ways of doing it. Remember a senior single woman at work getting very frustrated with male partner who insisted on very long hours. She had to explain that he didn't need to worry about laundry/ personal admin whereas she did!

It's not a competition.

Those with an 'I have it worst' mentality are really weird.

Oops. Used it for both male and female. Took hm as abbreviation for home only.

Tbh at the moment we wouldn't be any better off at the moment with me going back to work. Think we would actually be paying for the privilege of me working in the holidays. So for us it is a win win.

we have a similar situation, I'm now a SAHM because the costs and the logistics were prohibitive until DC2 is a little older and gets the 15 hours free.

compared to last year when we just had DC1 and I was working, DH has a much easier time! He had to do a lot more when I was working as well, and he had to rush home every day to do the nursery pick up. It's much easier for him now that he doesn't have time pressures in the same way and doesn't have as much housework to do. He never has to worry if one DC is sick about who's going to take the day off or getting a call to say "someone needs to come home and pick up DC1".

It is a lifestyle choice for us, DH does a fair amount at home and works full time. We have 'extras' we couldn't have if he didn't help out at home or I worked. Such as; a dog and dc 3 on the way.

Childcare was pointless when we had dc2 and tbh I am grateful to not be sorting out childminder, drop off etc just the school run now.

So yes for us it is easier, also he can work late as needed and go to work socials, and this has paid off in terms of responsibility and status at work.
This is something that would be a lot harder if I was working too.

I do intend to get a job once the 3rd is in school, but that is years off. And life is just easier, the house is tidier than having to squeeze everything into very limited time when we were both working.

Thank you for replies. Yes, childcare will be cheaper but I will be dealing with 3 separate schools.

Dh has the security of knowing that if his job ever gets awful hed have the option to resign.

Tbh though my earning capacity is so much less than dhs so even if I worked full time me supporting the family even short term wouldn't be an option.

My life is definitely easier with DH at home - when DS is ill I don't have to worry about who's going to look after him, there's someone to take him the the HV or GP without one of us needing time off, dinner is cooked when I get in so if I'm back late I can still eat before DS's bedtime etc. I imagine it will be much easier when DS is at school as well, as there's someone to do the school run without having to go on to work afterwards, someone to attend assemblies and plays without needing to take annual leave and so on. Having said that, I do sometimes feel a fair amount of pressure knowing that I'm the only one bringing home an income - makes me worry more about redundancy, for example, than I would if we were both working. I also feel sad that I won't be able to do all the school things, and I struggle to leave in the mornings if DS is ill because all I want to do is cuddle up with him all day. Being the sole income also means I'll have less mat leave when my DD is born than I would otherwise, as we can't afford for me to have longer off with no other money coming in. And of course, a single parent would have it worse either way. I think YABU for apparently seeing it as a competition, when we all have things that are better and things that are worse in our lives when compared to other people.

I'm broadly in agreement with you too, OP.

I'm the SAHM, DH is the WOHP and breadwinner. He has the massive pressure of being sole earner, but he would be the first to admit that having me at home full time makes his life much easier logistically. Our set up is similar to yours, we have a toddler, a preschooler and a school aged child. It's busy. But I can't deny that I can pretty easily fit in all the home organisation stuff (washing, admin, just the general sorting and tidying etc etc) that would all become a lot more of a stress and a hassle if I was a WOHP too.

Agree with other posters though who've commented that it's almost impossible really to compare different scenarios. Whatever the WOHP/SAHP mix, people have different numbers/ages of children, different levels of affluence, different amounts of support. I think everyone just gets on with whatever works best for them and tries to make it work.

YANBU

I've done single sahp, single wohp, 2 parent wohp, 1 wohp with 1 sahp.

With the current work culture, cost and inflexibility of childcare it is hard to have a very high flying career without one parent staying at home. I've discussed this with female politicians who have said they managed only because their partners picked up the slack.

However if the 1 wohp isn't earning much then the family will probably be better with the extra income from a second salary even if some of that has to go on convenience eg cleaning, home deliveries, ready meals etc.

Difficult to compare one family´s situation to another´s, even when you know them really well.

I don't really understand this thread. Is it a subtle dig at non-SAHP? Or a stealth boast of the submissive wife variety?

I'm confused. Surely there can be no sweeping generalisations?

DP and I are lucky in that we have taken turns being the WOHP and the SAHP, so we appreciate the contributions made by both. There's no doubt that life is easier with one SAHP, and working is MUCH easier when someone else is doing all the domestic stuff and childcare. He's the SAHP right now, and I fully value what he brings to family life. I just swan off to work in the morning no matter what chaos is going on, and he sorts it. However, there are clear sacrifices too. It's heavenly while it lasts, but he'll have to go back to work in the near future or it impacts career development.

Oh I agree. We both have it good. It's very difficult when things fall in a heap (elderly parents get sick, kids get sick, YOU get sick etc) and both parents work full time. It was tricky enough when I was 3 days.

Life feels so manageable for us at the moment. We're very lucky.

I am a wohm, my partner also works
I have to go away alot and he doesn't so picks up the majority of the childcare,school runs etc. he runs the home while I am during the week, I do the housework at the weekends he does the washing during the week and occasionally pushes the hoover around. it's a never ending juggling act. I dont think that anyone has a perfect solution. I do think that it is not unreasonable for the sahp to pick up all the slack however and I do think yabu to bemoan that you do this. I do not think yabu to expect him to acknowledge this and respect it. as a wohm I do put pressure on my dh to do all the Dr's\dentists trips with the kids simply because I am not there. but idomake sure that I let him know that I know what he does and I am very grateful for it as it let's me be successful in my career . please don't underestimate the pressure of being the main breadwinner, which frightens me most days, especially when I think about how we will fund kids through university or our retirement. it's down to me to earn enough money now to pay for our lives as they are now and to save to pay for them as we want them to be in the future.

I have done both sahp and wohp roles and would prefer to be the former. however if I don't work my dh's wage alone puts us in poverty and I don't want that for my dc.

I know these acronyms are common enough, but I can't read the title of the thread as anything other than "to think that a wome with a sarm parent".

"I am a wome".

This is my problem and not anyone else's, I admit.

Definitely not a dig at working parents. I have a admiration for them and appreciate it must be difficult juggling. I also do not resent picking up slack at home. That is my role at the moment.
Thread stemmed from a few things. The deciding factor was a txt from dh asking me to pick up something and also him knowing that he could go away with work without worrying.
Also in recent times I had read posts with the usual being the breadwinner is so touch.
A sahm should pick up slack on holiday as breadwinner works so hard
Being a sahm is not contributing
Maybe people are right that being breadwinner is a pressure and a responsibility. However, dh would still have the same job whether I worked or not. He wouldn't drop everything to do school run.
Yet if I became a wohm he would have to pull his weight more.

Tough not touch

I think part of the problem is it is very difficult to imagine what life would be like if it was different.

So, despite the fact that I know realistically I get very little done on the days when I am at home alone with a young DC - at the end of the day, DP and I both work f/t and manage to keep mainly on top of the housework etc, so it can be very easy to imagine that families with a SAHP must have life easier on that front, at least, what with someone being around 90% of the time to sling the washing machine on and run the hoover round.

I know this is a gross generalisation and doesn't remotely take into account juggling school runs, playgroup, toddler groups and all that malarkey that we aren't onto yet as a family. Ask me in a few years time and I know I'll take that all back

I don't see this thread as a dig. I think it is an interesting wider conversation, actually. I imagine being a SAHP married to someone who does a very stressful, high-flying job is no barrel of laughs and laziness at all. Every scenario is going to have its positive and benefits.

These things always depend on circumstance. DH works from home so he is in to collect deliveries, can bung a load of washing on and even get dinner started. I work close to home as well so don't waste time on travelling. Between us we juggle our hours so that one of us is always about for the DC and in general we can both get to school assemblies, sports days etc. We have made conscious choices to both work close to home in less well paid jobs where, for example, no long hours are expected (we both have skills that could earn us 2-3 times as much if we wanted to commute to London and work long hours - which is what one of us would have to do if we had a SAHP).

It means we both get to spend equal time with the children and are genuinely partners in parenting/housework etc. And of course we have equal responsibility for earning the money!! I don't think the importance of this can be underestimated. DH's job is at threat at the moment, but we know if he were made redundant that we could get by for a consideraable time with my salary+savings+redundancy money. Takes a huge pressure off.