...to not be one of those mums who sits & plays, cooks, does crafts etc., with kids?

[ScouseBird8364]

I tend to get bouts of guilt over this.

I rarely sit down with boys (6 & 3), and do artsy crafty type things, and I wonder if I'm failing as a parent in some way by not doing so?

Serious thread, how involved are you in this respect with your little ones?

*impatient! Although inpatient is not far off ;-)

We all have our strengths as parents. I love sitting and crafting with my but to my shame, I hate reading with or to them.

I'm also not very good at playing physically with them....don't like swimming or running about.

But painting, drawing, teaching them to sew and doing papier mache...also baking...love it...do it for hours!

I hate the park, really hate it. I try and avoid at all costs.
I am not overly keen on country walks, I don't mind if there's another adult but just me and DC is a bit grim.
DH takes them miles, they spot wildlife, eat berries and have fun.
I take them we get bitten, it rains and someone needs a wild poo.

I don't mind cooking, drawing, painting, gardening or making things.

OUCH!!!!! Sounds like your self confidence is really horribly low right now... STOP focusing on what you are not good at! We all have things we suck at e.g I never match dds socks I am talking EVER and it makes me feel like a bad Mum when I look at the pile of odd socks.... but that is not the point ....tell us .... What are you bloody brilliant at?

I agree with those that say it is easier to do things that you enjoy with them - I am a bit of a bookworm and find it easy to sit and read with my dc, but don't do very much crafts or silly play (luckily dh is awesome at the latter). Mine are very close in age, do don't tend to need me to play with them that much. I know I am a kind and patient mummy and that is where my strength as a parent lies - dh is fun and silly, so we have a good balance.

I love taking them to the park, swimming, soft-play, doing nature walks looking at bugs, flowers and butterflies etc etc but i am not very good at playing with them indoors. DD does enjoy cooking and pottering about in the kitchen with me and occasionally i'll get the play dough and art stuff out for them but getting on the floor and actually thinking up imaginative games is something that has always alluded me.

I think maybe because it is something that I never experienced with my mum.

As 70's kids me and DBro were just expected to make our own fun in the house. I don't feel guilty as I spend time with them in the way that suits me. As long as you spend some time with them doing things you all enjoy I don't see any issues

I'm rubbish at this kind of thing, it bores me.

I'm good at lego though. And riding bikes. And music and singing silly songs and playing them good tunes in the car. And taking them out lots of fun places. And I spend ages with them reading stuff. And I will be great at Wii when they are old enough!

I like doing the outdoorsy stuff and DD prefers it too. She's very active so sitting still for any length of time with her is hard work. She'll sit and do playdoh for a bit, but that's quite easy. She does chalking outside, v occasionally I get the paints out (again in the garden) and she slops paint around and makes an unholy mess creates a masterpiece. She's starting pre-school in September so she'll do more crafty stuff then. I can't be doing with gluing and sticking. She pulls it all apart afterwards anyway.

I think there's a big gap between 'can't be bothered to do anything with the kids' and 'devoting my entire life to fun and educational activities' that most of us fall into.

I will sound judgy but yeah, if you don't do anything with your children you are a crappy parent. I've met a couple of these in my lifetime. There's more to parenting than feeding and clothing them, and if you don't enjoy spending time and doing stuff with them, um, why have them? But I doubt that is what you meant, OP. (The 'devote all my time to children' are also crappy parents IMO).

You must do SOMETHING with them, surely? Different parents do different stuff. As long as they are getting some of your time and attention, you are doing some sort of activity with them, having fun, learning stuff, having a giggle, then it doesn't matter if it's through baking cakes, making collages, going for a walk, playing footie in the garden, playing a boardgame, dressing up, or just sitting and chatting and making fart jokes and being silly together.

Don't let them spend all day on computer games though

I do stuff occasionally but tend to like more to get out of the house with them - toddler groups, library story & rhyme time, playdates, park etc. I also involve them in everyday tasks such as shopping or doing the dishwasher, which they seem to enjoy.

I'm quite good at crafty stuff, baking and days out, but I am appalling at playing with them (ie imaginative games, playing board games etc). We all have our weaknesses .

I see a lot of those fb pics from my friends, staged in the kitchen doing baking or crafts. To me though they look just that - staged. Saying oh look how perfect I am.
I don't like messy play - baking, glue, glitter, foam, etc. didn't like it as a kid so definitely dont enjoy it as an adult! My kids do plenty of that shit at school so I don't feel like I've failed them. We do plenty of stuff together- reading, jigsaws, games, making lego, wii games, bike rides, days out, basically anything that doesn't involve me getting messy. I don't think any of us have missed out because of it.

I love doing the arts, crafts and cooking with dd but I'm useless at playing with dolls/small world toys. I'm not keen on board games and I hate being out in the sun so dh gets that job.

I agree you need to play to your strengths. I hate craft activities and consider he gets enough of it at school and at the minder's. I take him swimming, to the beach, we rockpool, I like taking him to the park,we have picnics and I love cooking so we make pancakes alot. I read alot, we read three stories in bed in the morning and two stories at night.

The other stuff? Not my thing. He is getting plenty of arty activity in other locations.

Not a huge crafty mum here either. I'm more of a reading-then-lets-go-make-a-den-in-the-garden so you two can play while I do dinner type mum. Kids need to be outside when possible and learn to play independently.

DD (5.5) and DS (3.5) get to loads of fun and messy stuff at school and nursery so I don't feel guilty for not busting out the glitter glue every day.

They both have unrestricted access to paper and pencils/crayons and reading books so they aren't completely deprived!

The biscuit idea that Theselittlelights suggested is always a winner though.

Tell us with about the things that you do do with your DCs. I'm sure that there are loads of things that you both enjoy. Half the pleasure of having DCs is in introducing them to activities/places/hobbies/sports that you enjoy now (or enjoyed as a child).
Focusing on the stuff you don't do is madness.

Kent, I do love reading with both of them and I love taking them to soft play, though don't get there as often anymore, plus I usually have a 15 minute or so talk with them both, when they are settling at around bedtime, where we all talk about the best things about our day

I think that all sounds good. You are being too hard on yourself!!!! The one to one chat where they can talk about and unload about their day is really good - not least because it gives them a consistent safe space to discuss any issues they might be having. That will be golden time when they are at school/going through any troubles etc.

Baking is just the middle class equivalent of feeding them fruit shoots and mars bars- jjust because the sugar is in a cupcake or brownie doesn't make it any more OK to eat tons of it regularly. So just view the baking parents as irresponsible and your guilt will evaporate! Cooking, on the other hand, is a good thing to do.

I don't do that stuff and I've never felt guilty about it. I do other stuff with them like taking them to umpteen parks and standing in the cold whilst they run around having fun.

For the arty crafty stuff, I just made sure I took them to groups and activities where they could do those things, and then they started school and get to do those things there.

My only concession was playdough, but only on the dining table.

Hi OP - so you enjoy reading together, going out for fun together, and having a last thing at night cosy chat about the day. Sounds good. I'm sure they treasure their little bedtime routine with you.

If you still feel you want to do more with them, and you are right, there are so few years when they have any genuine delighted enthusiasm for 'doing stuff' with mum and dad and it's a shame to waste it, what's stopping you? Doesn't have to be baking and crafts. Doesn't have to take hours and hours. There's a million and one things you can do with kids that age. Relax and enjoy yourself.

I think talking and listening to your kids is the most important thing. Showing that you enjoy their company and value their ideas. I loathe 'carpet play' so DH does that (luckily he's a Lego saddo fan) whereas I do reading to and with, cooking and general chatting and mucking about.

I love doing stuff like that with the kids because in love doing stuff like that and because the mess doesn't bother me.

I hate physical exercise and don't do that with my kids so I feel guilty about that instead.

You could always help them with everything always and then wonder why they don't get on with their homework when they're 14...

make a list of all the things you do do. if you think the list looks pretty sad then start a challenge to do one extra thing per day and see how you get on. if you feel there is a problem now is the time to change it.