Stop talking about the child you have nothing to do with!

[Jesaya]

Stop pretending you see her - she has no idea who your are.

Stop pretending to anyone and everyone who will listen you spoilt her on her birthday - she didn't even get a card.

Stop making out my family are behind me leaving you - I divorced you because I wanted to, I divorced you because you were an alcoholic, a shit husband and an even worse Dad.

Stop making out me and my family have stopped you from seeing your daughter - you chose! You said you didn't love her and didn't want her.

Is it so unreasonable to think that if someone chooses time and time again not to have anything to do with their child they should shut up with the lies and talking about their child when they don't and don't want to know them in reality?

Oh this was meant to be in lorn parents

Lone*

Who is relaying these lies to you? Ask them to stop.

I am sorry.

You need to find a way to stop knowing about what he is saying.

It doesn't matter what he says or who is listening.

I live in a small community. I have asked to not know but it always trickles back. Generally speaking I ignore, ignore and ignore some more but it's grating on me today for a few reasons

Yanbu, the ONLY opinion you should care about is your child's and she will definitely know that you are the one who's been there for her.
Ignore because you are better than him.

Coffee it hard in a small community because lies will affect how you are interacted with by other people.

I think I would go with a laugh and say, "you didn't really fall for that did you?"

Sarcastic comments 'this coming from the man who told me he didn't love her, and didn't even bother to send a birthday card'/'his nose will be longer than Pinnochio's at this rate'/'he's buying us a bigger house to accommodate all the presents he buys for DD'.

Or simply - 'he's a liar'.

Must be tough in a small community.

These people don't believe him. They tell me in a "bloody hell what a idiot" way but I would still rather not hear it IYSWIM. It just annoys me. Anyone who did believe him doesn't know me or him for that fact so they don't matter to me.

He's a coward and should own it because it's only himself he has to blame for his own choices.

They tell me in a "bloody hell what a idiot" way but I would still rather not hear it IYSWIM.

You need to ask them not to tell you. Explain that it's hard enough that your child's father doesn't want to know her, without hearing aboutthe stories he tells about her.

It's a shame they don't say to his face what they are saying to you.

I have asked friends and most respect that but seem to have an attitude that they think it's better I hear certain things from them than someone else. They mean well and just don't really understand.

Also it's surprising in a small place how many people you don't really know tell you things I tend to just laugh it off without comment as I'm quite private and don't feel the need to delve into the reasons for things.

My parents hear things too and tell me. I've told them I don't really care but they get annoyed on my behalf and just can't help it.

I get angry just imagining what pathetic lies my ex tells about DD who is has NC with. Hearing it would give me the rage.

Village life can be so lovely and so awful!

I'm sorry that people are still insisting on telling you about this. Maybe you should start asking them why they didn't challenge his lies. If they think that, in your eyes, they'll have been conspiring with him by letting it go unchallenged, perhaps they'll stop telling you for their own sake seeing as they won't do it for yours.

He's quite a volatile man. And at times violent so actually I wouldn't want to encourage people to question what he says as the response would be very hard to predict.

He's just an asshole and it shouldn't piss me off but sometimes, like today it does.

He sounds like a real charmer!

So you're just going to have to keep listening to the crap then.

How about a little voodoo doll?

A voodoo doll sounds like a fabulous idea, or just a dart board with his picture in the centre

a dart board with his picture in the centre

Now you're talking!

A punch bag with his face on?

Your DD wouldn't recognise him, I assume? If she would just turn it round. You still know it's there

She would recognise a photo but oddly we've walked right past him in the street and she doesn't. Maybe I could throw darts directly at him instead? No probably not.

Maybe I could throw darts directly at him instead?

A present arrived in the post this morning I just don't understand the point.

Do you think it actually eases any guilt felt (which I doubt is very much if any) by not providing at all for his child and having absolutely nothing to do with her?

No card either. I only know it was him because I recognised the handwriting of the address.

Are you going to return it?

I think I would, with a note suggesting that, if he would like to start being a parent, he needs to have a conversation with you first.

If he's as unpleasant as you describe, do you want contact?

I am happy with there being no contact and would not encourage him to seek contact but I accept that I don't have the right to deny contact.

If he was to try and initiate contact it would need to be via legal channels and due to previous issues it would have to be supervised contact as my daughters safety and well-being are obviously the most important thing.

I don't know about returning it. It's a weird situation where generally speaking I don't get any hassle anymore. I feel returning it may antagonise him and may result in him making contact with me which to be honest after taking various measures to stop him from contacting me I would really rather not have this happen again.

I completely understand why you don't want to initiate contact and would want it supervised if he does.

I assume you won't be giving it to her. Do you have somewhere you can keep it in case he asks for it back?

To be honest I don't think it's fair to not give her it. It is a gift for her. He is a waste of space but he's still her Dad. Keeping it from her would feel like hiding the fact she has a Dad from her.

He isn't going to ask for a gift back either I wouldn't have thought. That would be weird.